Cinematic Hindenburgs
These movies are catastrophic fails. Some of these are so awful as to be hilarious studies in how not to make movies. If you want to see something you know will be good check out my "Cinema Classics" list (http://www.imdb.com/list/tctWRWAcEds). VoteForRodneyLewis.com
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- DirectorCurtis HansonStarsEminemBrittany MurphyKim BasingerFollows a young rapper in the Detroit area, struggling with every aspect of his life; he wants to make it big but his friends and foes make this odyssey of rap harder than it may seem.
- DirectorGreg MottolaStarsJesse EisenbergKristen StewartRyan ReynoldsIn the summer of 1987, a college graduate takes a 'nowhere' job at his local amusement park, only to find it's the perfect course to get him prepared for the real world.
- DirectorJohn HuddlesStarsJames D'ArcySophie LoweDaryl SabaraAt an international school in Jakarta, a philosophy teacher challenges his class of twenty graduating seniors to choose which ten of them would take shelter underground and reboot the human race in the event of a nuclear apocalypse.
- DirectorMark MylodStarsSacha Baron CohenEmilio RiveraGina La PianaAli G unwittingly becomes a pawn in the Chancellor's plot to overthrow the Prime Minister of Great Britain. However, Ali is embraced by the nation as a voice of the youth, making the PM and his government more popular than ever.
- DirectorAnton CorbijnStarsGeorge ClooneyPaolo BonacelliViolante PlacidoAn assassin hides out in Italy for one last assignment.
- DirectorGeorge LucasStarsRichard DreyfussRon HowardPaul Le MatA group of teenagers in California's central valley spend one final night after their 1962 high school graduation cruising the strip with their buddies before they pursue their varying goals.
- DirectorSam RaimiStarsBruce CampbellEmbeth DavidtzMarcus GilbertWhen Ash Williams is accidentally transported to 1300 A.D., he must retrieve the Necronomicon and battle an army of the dead in order to return home.
- DirectorBarry LevinsonStarsBruce WillisBilly Bob ThorntonCate BlanchettTwo bank robbers fall in love with the girl they've kidnapped.
- DirectorJonathan LiebesmanStarsAaron EckhartMichelle RodriguezBridget MoynahanA squad of U.S. Marines becomes the last line of defense against a global invasion.
- DirectorTim GarrickStarsNat WolffSelena GomezMary-Louise ParkerTeenager Rick Stevens has a crush on Nina Pennington. They form a friendship and take a rock'n'roll journey together while Nina deals with her overbearing boyfriend Kevin.
- DirectorSean MathiasStarsLothaire BluteauClive OwenMick JaggerIn 1930s Berlin, a gay Jew is sent to a concentration camp under the Nazi regime.An effective protagonist is one the audience actually gives a crap about.
- DirectorDaniel MyrickEduardo SánchezStarsHeather DonahueMichael C. WilliamsJoshua LeonardThree film students vanish after traveling into a Maryland forest to film a documentary on the local Blair Witch legend, leaving only their footage behind.
- DirectorFernando MeirellesStarsJulianne MooreMark RuffaloGael García BernalA city is ravaged by an epidemic of instant white blindness.Force-fed moralism, half-baked philosophy, emotional manipulation with an all-star cast.
- DirectorMort NathanStarsCuba Gooding Jr.Horatio SanzRoselyn SanchezTwo straight men mistakenly end up on a "gays only" cruise.
- DirectorJennifer LynchStarsJulian SandsSherilyn FennBill PaxtonA surgeon becomes obsessed with the seductive woman he once was in an affair with. Refusing to accept that she has moved on, he amputates her limbs and holds her captive in his mansion.
- DirectorMichael CurtizStarsHumphrey BogartIngrid BergmanPaul HenreidA cynical expatriate American cafe owner struggles to decide whether or not to help his former lover and her fugitive husband escape the Nazis in French Morocco.Everyone goes on about what an incredible movie this is. I gave it a chance. It was boring and I did not detect any chemistry between the two leads whatsoever. I don't know what Casablanca other people are talking about but the one I saw was overblown, heavy-handed crap.
- DirectorPat O'ConnorStarsChris O'DonnellMinnie DriverGeraldine O'RaweThree women, who've been friends since childhood, meet at university in Dublin in 1957. Student and boyfriend life begins.
- DirectorKelsey T. HowardStarsEdward FurlongDaniel FranzeseAndrew KeeganReeling from his dismissal from a reality show, a deranged runner-up holds a group of co-eds hostage on the set of his own fictitious show, where losers suffer a deadly fate.
- DirectorJohn Erick DowdleStarsChris MessinaCaroline DhavernasBokeem WoodbineA group of people are trapped in an elevator and the Devil is mysteriously amongst them.Headline: "M. Night Shyamallamadingdongman Takes Another Crap on the Silver Screen"
Subhead: "Still Not Considerate Enough for a Courtesy Flush" - DirectorJames SignorelliStarsRodney DangerfieldJoe PesciGeraldine FitzgeraldTo inherit his mother-in-law's colossal fortune, a hard-living gambling addict must change his unhealthy ways before they get the best of him.
- DirectorCiarán FoyStarsCharlie ShotwellKelly ReillyMax MartiniA boy receiving treatment for his auto-immune disorder discovers that the house he's living in isn't as safe as he thought.
- DirectorSam RaimiStarsBruce CampbellEllen SandweissRichard DeManincorFive friends travel to a cabin in the woods, where they unknowingly release flesh-possessing demons.
- DirectorIvan ReitmanStarsDavid DuchovnyOrlando JonesJulianne MooreA fire-fighting cadet, two college professors, and a geeky but sexy government scientist work against an alien organism that has been rapidly evolving since its arrival on Earth inside a meteor.
- DirectorSam RaimiStarsCate BlanchettKatie HolmesKeanu ReevesA fortune teller with extrasensory perception is asked to help find a young woman who has mysteriously disappeared.
- DirectorVondie Curtis-HallStarsMariah CareyEric BenétMax BeesleyA young singer dates a disc jockey who helps her get into the music business, but their relationship become complicated as she ascends to super stardom.She spends the whole stupid movie with this dumb look on her face like she just accidentally farted a little but maybe, if she only smiles big and bright enough, hopefully everyone will be nice and pretend not to notice.
- DirectorHarold CronkStarsShane HarperKevin SorboDavid A.R. WhiteCollege philosophy professor Mr. Radisson's curriculum is challenged by his new student, Josh, who believes God exists.I think the good Lord is trying to communicate something very special with this movie: stay the hell away from Christian 'arts' & 'entertainment'!
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsMatthew BroderickJean RenoMaria PitilloFrench nuclear tests irradiate an iguana into a giant monster that heads off to New York City. The American military must chase the monster across the city to stop it before it reproduces.
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerSalma HayekKevin JamesAfter their high school basketball coach passes away, five good friends and former teammates reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.
- DirectorM. Night ShyamalanStarsMark WahlbergZooey DeschanelJohn LeguizamoA science teacher, his wife, and a young girl struggle to survive a plague that causes those infected to commit suicide.A story about the lengths people will go to avoid another M. Night Shyamalan movie
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsMatt DamonCécile de FranceBryce Dallas HowardAn American construction worker, a French journalist and a London school boy set out on a spiritual journey after death touches their lives in different ways.
- DirectorRob ZombieStarsSid HaigKaren BlackBill MoseleyTwo young couples traveling across the backwoods of Texas searching for urban legends of murder end up as prisoners of a bizarre and sadistic backwater family of serial killers.
- DirectorSteven SoderberghStarsMatt DamonTony HalePatton OswaltThe U.S. government decides to go after an agro-business giant with a price-fixing accusation, based on the evidence submitted by their star witness, vice president-turned-informant Mark Whitacre.A movie that attempts to exploit, for relatively cheap laughs, the self-destructive consequences of one man's tragic fall down the rabbit hole of mental illness. For shame!
- DirectorMichael WinterbottomStarsCasey AffleckKate HudsonJessica AlbaA West Texas Deputy Sheriff is slowly unmasked as a psychotic killer.There is a very disturbing and horribly, gratuitously violent and prolonged scene of a woman being killed via massive head trauma. I almost had to look away. Casey Affleck's acting and brilliance with a barely intelligible Texas drawl was the only decent thing about this stinker.
- DirectorGuy RitchieStarsJason FlemyngDexter FletcherNick MoranEddy persuades his three pals to pool money for a vital poker game against a powerful local mobster, Hatchet Harry. Eddy loses, after which Harry gives him a week to pay back 500,000 pounds.A bunch of idiots give each other even more brain damage
- DirectorF. Gary GrayStarsVin DieselTimothy OlyphantLarenz TateA man known as Diablo emerges to head a drug cartel after the previous leader is imprisoned.
- DirectorAri AsterStarsFlorence PughJack ReynorVilhelm BlomgrenA couple travels to Northern Europe to visit a rural hometown's fabled Swedish mid-summer festival. What begins as an idyllic retreat quickly devolves into an increasingly violent and bizarre competition at the hands of a pagan cult.
- DirectorHarald ZwartStarsLiv TylerMatt DillonMary Jo SmithEvery man has a different recollection of the beautiful young woman who wreaked havoc on their lives during one heated night.
- DirectorArthur HillerStarsShelley LongBette MidlerPeter CoyoteTwo women unknowingly share the same man, but when he disappears, both go out looking for him and enter his surprisingly dangerous life.Even the personable and talented Bette Midler couldn't polish this turd. Shelley Long is soothing and comforting like battery acid in the face. I want to marry her just for the satisfaction of divorcing her.
- DirectorJustin DonnellyStarsLuke GossTyler JohnstonJeffrey BallardTwo joyriders Jesse and Sam discover something hidden in the back seat of the car that could change their lives forever. Brian, unknown to Jesse and Sam, is desperately trying to seek a "quick fix" business deal that will put him back on top financially after being let go from his executive position at one of the top investment firms. Brian decides to go "all in", investing the rest of his savings into a short-term drug deal. After Jesse and Sam intercept the illicit drug money, they soon learn that they've stolen from the wrong people. A twisted tale of greed, deceit, murder and wealth, PRESSED is an action-drama feature where three relationships collide. It changes lives, some of them for good.Tyler Johnston
- DirectorJohn G. AvildsenStarsSylvester StalloneTalia ShireBurt YoungReluctantly retired from fighting, Rocky takes charge of Mickey's gym and agrees to train a young protégé who's hungry for success.
- DirectorColin StrauseGreg StrauseStarsEric BalfourDonald FaisonScottie ThompsonStrange lights descend on the city of Los Angeles, drawing people outside like moths to a flame where an extraterrestrial force threatens to swallow the entire human population off the face of the Earth.Some nice aliens come to save the world from L.A.
- DirectorEmile ArdolinoStarsWhoopi GoldbergMaggie SmithHarvey KeitelWhen a nightclub singer is forced to take refuge from the mob in a convent, she ends up turning the convent choir into a soulful chorus complete with a Motown repertoire, until the sudden celebrity of the choir jeopardizes her identity.
- DirectorBill DukeStarsWhoopi GoldbergKathy NajimyMaggie SmithShowgirl Deloris Van Cartier returns as Sister Mary Clarence to teach music to a group of Catholic students whose run-down school is slated for closure.I've come to accept that God works in mysterious ways I'll never be able to understand, but, come on, was this *really* necessary?
- DirectorClint EastwoodStarsClint EastwoodTommy Lee JonesDonald SutherlandWhen retired engineer Frank Corvin is called upon to rescue a failing satellite, he insists that his equally old teammates accompany him into space.
- DirectorThomas CarterStarsRobert Sean LeonardChristian BaleFrank WhaleyA group of teens adores forbidden music in Nazi Germany just before the outbreak of World War II.OMG the Nazis are coming! Let's dance!
- DirectorSeth MacFarlaneStarsMark WahlbergMila KunisSeth MacFarlaneJohn Bennett, a man whose childhood wish of bringing his teddy bear to life came true, now must decide between keeping the relationship with the bear, Ted or his girlfriend, Lori.
- DirectorCameron CroweStarsTom CruisePenélope CruzCameron DiazA self-indulgent and vain publishing magnate finds his privileged life upended after a vehicular accident with a resentful lover.
- DirectorMatt Bettinelli-OlpinDavid BrucknerTyler GillettStarsCalvin Lee ReederLane HughesAdam WingardWhen a group of misfits are hired by an unknown third party to burglarize a desolate house and acquire a rare VHS tape, they discover more found footage than they bargained for.