My Bottom 30 Films
A list of my bottom 30 films, more or less in order. Keep in mind that I generally try to avoid genuinely bad films, so a few of these are at least watchable.
Some "honorable" mentions: Hancock, Catwoman, Transformers, The Hangover Part II.
Updated on October 2011 - Added comments and some recently-rated films, slightly changed the order.
Some "honorable" mentions: Hancock, Catwoman, Transformers, The Hangover Part II.
Updated on October 2011 - Added comments and some recently-rated films, slightly changed the order.
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30 titles
- DirectorBob ClarkStarsKathleen TurnerChristopher LloydKim CattrallScientists hold super intelligent talking babies captive, but things take a turn for the worse when a mix-up occurs between a baby genius and its twin.One of the most nauseating films I've ever watched, this horrible film is probably partially responsible for the fact that I'm not too fond of babies.
- DirectorLawrence GutermanStarsJamie KennedyTraylor HowardAlan CummingTim Avery, an aspiring cartoonist, finds himself in a predicament when his dog stumbles upon the mask of Loki. Then after conceiving an infant son "born of the mask", he discovers just how looney child raising can be.A poor excuse for anything, let alone a movie.
- DirectorHark TsuiStarsAndy OnTobin BellJon PolitoThe Black Mask must stop a group intent on setting off a DNA bomb that could cause mutations to the human race.The sad thing is that this was one of the first Asian films I watched... didn't really set a good precedent.
- DirectorRenny HarlinStarsSteven StraitSebastian StanToby HemingwayFour young men who belong to a New England supernatural legacy are forced to battle an elusive fifth power.Pretty much just as bad as I thought it would be. I saw it in the theaters just because my then-crush dragged me into it.
Wouldn't have been worth it even if the relationship had led anywhere. - DirectorHarold RamisStarsJack BlackMichael CeraOlivia WildeAfter being banished from their tribe, two hunter-gatherers encounter Biblical characters and eventually wind up in the city of Sodom.By far the worst entry on either Michael Cera or Jack Black's filmography, this film falls prey to the erroneous and all-too-common idea that disgusting and exaggerated always equals funny.
- DirectorSam RaimiStarsTobey MaguireKirsten DunstTopher GraceA strange black entity from another world bonds with Peter Parker and causes inner turmoil as he contends with new villains, temptations, and revenge.I felt an almost inexplicably great urge to leave the theater and promptly punch Sam Raimi, Tobey Maguire and Topher Grace in their ugly ugly shameless faces.
- DirectorFrank MillerStarsGabriel MachtSamuel L. JacksonScarlett JohanssonRookie cop Denny Colt returns from the beyond as The Spirit, a hero whose mission is to fight against the bad forces in Central City.A mockery of the style some relatively recent films like Sin City and (to a lesser extent) 300 used. The thing is, it feels wrong to even associate this junk with those two far superior movies.
- DirectorPaul T. ScheuringStarsAdrien BrodyCam GigandetForest Whitaker26 men are chosen to participate in the roles of guards and prisoners in a psychological study that ultimately spirals out of control.This one holds a specially repugnant place in my heart, mainly because it was disappointing in so many senses. The concept was so good, and the film itself actually came off to a pretty good start, but it spiraled rapidly downward in a way that was hard to witness.
- DirectorDaniel StammStarsPatrick FabianAshley BellIris BahrA troubled evangelical minister agrees to let his last exorcism be filmed by a documentary crew.It baffles me that most critics seemed to think favorably of this utterly irredeemable trash. Goes to show you, sometimes you should just ignore them. The film comes off to a good start, in contrast to the incredibly stupid and ridiculous ending it leaves with.
- DirectorMichael MannStarsColin FarrellJamie FoxxGong LiBased on the 1980s TV action/drama, this update focuses on vice detectives Crockett and Tubbs as their respective personal and professional lives become dangerously intertwined.Fox and Farrell try to James Bond-esque their performance but ultimately come off as pretentious douchebags in a convoluted and below-and-beyond mediocre film. Hard to believe this came from the same man who directed Heat.
- DirectorRyan MurphyStarsJulia RobertsJavier BardemRichard JenkinsA married woman realizes how unhappy her marriage really is, and that her life needs to go in a different direction. After a painful divorce, she takes off on a round-the-world journey to "find herself".The word "ungrateful bitch" kept nagging on my mind while I saw Julia Roberts stumble through this mess.
- DirectorJohn Erick DowdleStarsChris MessinaCaroline DhavernasBokeem WoodbineA group of people are trapped in an elevator and the Devil is mysteriously amongst them.Devil made sure Shyamalan's fall as a respectable director was anything but graceful. If nothing else, you might be able to get a good laugh out of it.
- DirectorPaul W.S. AndersonStarsMilla JovovichAli LarterWentworth MillerWhile still out to destroy the evil Umbrella Corporation, Alice joins a group of survivors living in a prison surrounded by the infected who also want to relocate to the mysterious but supposedly unharmed safe haven known only as Arcadia.The last entry of the Resident Evil series simultaneously brings out the very worst in both bad horror and bad action films: vanity, inexplicable lapses of common sense, and characters and sequences that would only seem "cool" to an idiotic man-child.
- DirectorJoe RothStarsJulianne MooreSamuel L. JacksonEdie FalcoA black police detective must solve a strange case of a kidnapped boy and deal with a big racial protest.I'm glad to say I barely remember the "plot" points of this mediocre quasi-thriller. Maybe my brain is successfully suppressing them. Good riddance.
- DirectorZack SnyderStarsJackie Earle HaleyPatrick WilsonCarla GuginoIn a version of 1985 where superheroes exist, the murder of a colleague sends active vigilante Rorschach on the trail of a conspiracy that will change the course of history.I can't for the life of me decipher exactly what people liked about this infuriating pseudo-philosophical drivel. I can't seem to forgive my brother for recommending it to me either.
- DirectorLarry CharlesStarsSacha Baron CohenGustaf HammarstenClifford BañagaleFlamboyant, gay Austrian Brüno looks for new fame in America.Takes the grotesque, cynical style that made Borat good, and promptly makes a mockery of it, exaggerating everything it does so that the end product is merely repugnant, and not in the "good" way its predecessor was either.
- DirectorChris MillerRaman HuiStarsMike MyersCameron DiazEddie MurphyReluctantly designated as the heir to the land of Far, Far Away, Shrek hatches a plan to install the rebellious Artie as the new king while Princess Fiona tries to fend off a coup d'état by the jilted Prince Charming.I'm still trying to convince myself that this doesn't belong in the same category as the first two films. Forever After wasn't much of an improvement, but it's goddamn Hitchcock next to this crap.
- DirectorSteve CarrStarsKevin JamesKeir O'DonnellJayma MaysWhen a shopping mall is taken over by a gang of organized crooks, it's up to a mild-mannered security guard to save the day.If nothing else, this film taught me a very important lesson: that just because Kevin James is on it doesn't make it funny. The same is true for Adam Sandler, but I digress...
- DirectorMiguel SapochnikStarsJude LawForest WhitakerAlice BragaSet in the near future when artificial organs can be bought on credit, it revolves around a man who struggles to make the payments on a heart he has purchased. He must therefore go on the run before said ticker is repossessed.Goes from "watchable" to "ridiculous" to "intolerable" right before your eyes!
- DirectorAdam McKayStarsWill FerrellJohn C. ReillyMary SteenburgenTwo aimless middle-aged losers still living at home are forced against their will to become roommates when their parents marry.Will Ferrell is pretty much the same character he always plays, which is not necessarily a bad thing, but the film itself overshoots the "so stupid it's funny" region and lands on "just plain idiotic."
- DirectorDavid ZuckerStarsAnna FarisRegina HallCraig BierkoCindy finds out the house she lives in is haunted by a little boy and goes on a quest to find out who killed him and why. Also, Alien "Tr-iPods" are invading the world and she has to uncover the secret in order to stop them.Granted, the Scary Movie series has never been particularly brilliant, but this was probably the straw that broke the... series's back?
I'm not too good with metaphors. - DirectorMichael BayStarsShia LaBeoufMegan FoxJosh DuhamelSam Witwicky leaves the Autobots behind for a normal life. But when his mind is filled with cryptic symbols, the Decepticons target him and he is dragged back into the Transformers' war.A Michael Bay orgasm of the most cataclysmic and story-devoid nature.
- DirectorRaja GosnellStarsFreddie Prinze Jr.Sarah Michelle GellarMatthew LillardThe Mystery Inc. gang must save Coolsville from an attack of their past monsters brought to life by an evil masked figure trying to take down the gang.A pitiful follow-up to a personal childhood favorite.
- DirectorMichael McCullersStarsTina FeyAmy PoehlerSigourney WeaverA successful, single businesswoman who dreams of having a baby discovers she is infertile and hires a working class woman to be her unlikely surrogate.Comedy directors and aspiring filmmakers, I implore you to watch this film as an example of pretty much everything you can do to ruin a comedy.
- DirectorMarc LawrenceStarsHugh GrantSarah Jessica ParkerSam ElliottIn New York City, an estranged couple who witness a murder are relocated to small town Wyoming as part of the Witness Protection Program.Though Grant's character is awkwardly charming as always, I dare say it's S.J. Parker's completely antipathetic and generally unlikable demeanor (and face) that primarily serves to bury this mediocre comedy.
- DirectorOliver StoneStarsWoody HarrelsonJuliette LewisTom SizemoreTwo victims of traumatized childhoods become lovers and psychopathic serial murderers irresponsibly glorified by the mass media.Natural Born Killers feels overdone, and consequentially gross, grotesque and pretentious, at most evoking a slight queasiness that works well in other, superior films.
- DirectorJohn WooStarsTom CruiseDougray ScottThandiwe NewtonIMF agent Ethan Hunt is sent to Sydney to find and destroy a genetically modified disease called "Chimera".By far the worst of the series, MI2 is hollow, far-fetched and plagued by characters that suddenly seem very unpleasant.
- DirectorEdward ZwickStarsJake GyllenhaalAnne HathawayJudy GreerIn 1990s Pittsburgh, a medicine peddler starts a relationship with a young woman suffering from Parkinson's disease.Devoid of any sympathetic characters, this film makes you feel that every which one of them well deserves their plight due to their ostensible self-righteousness.
The upside? Anne Hathaway. Topless. - DirectorMike MitchellStarsMike MyersCameron DiazEddie MurphyRumpelstiltskin tricks a mid-life crisis burdened Shrek into allowing himself to be erased from existence and cast in a dark alternate timeline where Rumpelstiltskin rules supreme.Though not as bad as its predecessor, Forever After definitely constitutes one of the lowest spots among animated films.
- DirectorJay RoachStarsSteve CarellPaul RuddStephanie SzostakAfter he finds out that his work superiors host a dinner celebrating the idiocy of their special guests, a rising executive questions the merits of his invitation just as he befriends a man who would be the perfect guest.The gags are overdone and stupid, some characters feel lifeless and others just unrealistic and nauseating, and the script is only sporadically lifted by Carell's comedic ingenuity.