The S**t List
The Top 25 stinkiest piles of crap I have ever had the misfortune to see.
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- DirectorTom SixStarsDieter LaserWinter WilliamsAshlynn YennieA mad scientist kidnaps and mutilates a trio of tourists in order to reassemble them into a human centipede, created by stitching their mouths to each others' rectums.Completely irredeemable rubbish from start to finish
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsKal PennJennifer CoolidgeFred WillardA spoof on previous years' epic movies (The Da Vinci Code (2006), The Chronicles of Narnia: The Lion, the Witch and the Wardrobe (2005) + 20 more), TV series, music videos and celebs. 4 orphans are on an epic adventure.I have nothing against these type of movies if they are funny. Epic Movie is not funny.
- DirectorStephen HopkinsStarsRobert EnglundLisa WilcoxKelly Jo MinterThe pregnant Alice finds Freddy Krueger striking through the sleeping mind of her unborn child, hoping to be reborn into the real world.Simply dreadful. Six is almost as bad.
- DirectorTobe HooperStarsMarilyn BurnsEdwin NealAllen DanzigerFive friends head out to rural Texas to visit the grave of a grandfather. On the way they stumble across what appears to be a deserted house, only to discover something sinister within. Something armed with a chainsaw.Not even close to being worthy of it's reputation. It's a tediously boring exercise. A risible attempt at being shocking. It's just shockingly bad.
- DirectorJason FriedbergAaron SeltzerStarsCarmen ElectraVanessa LacheyNicole ParkerOver the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.See epic movie comments.
- DirectorCharles B. PierceStarsCharles B. PierceCindy ButlerChuck Pierce Jr.A professor and three of his students camp out in the wilderness to find a Bigfoot-type creature.I almost wasn't going to include this as it's so hilarious in it's suckiness. It sucked too much not to include it though.
- DirectorJared HessStarsJon HederEfren RamirezJon GriesA listless and alienated teenager decides to help his new friend win the class presidency in their small western high school, while he must deal with his bizarre family life back home.dull + boring - laughs = Napoleon Dynamite
- DirectorMax MakowskiStarsNick StahlEddie Kaye ThomasJanuary JonesWhile staying at a secluded mansion, six young adults reveal their personal demons during an innocent game called Taboo. They reunite a year later, only to realize that one of them wants them dead for their moral transgressions.Some of the worst ecting and writing you'll likely see in a film. Eddie Kaye Thomas is bad, but January Jones is on a whole other level of dreadfulness.
- DirectorCharles BandStarsKristopher LoganDebra MayerWilliam Paul BurnsVirgil, an eccentric freak billionaire, spends his days being a "biological inventor." The "blood dolls," his newest creation, aid him in getting revenge on those who betrayed him.Cheap, badly acted, badly written, badly directed. Just bad.
- DirectorRose TrocheStarsV.S. BrodieGuinevere TurnerT. Wendy McMillanA romantic tale about finding a soulmate. The only difference here is that both partners are women...in Chicago's lesbian community.The wins my award for the worst acted movie in film history.
- DirectorGeorge McCowanStarsRay MillandSam ElliottJoan Van ArkA group of helpless victims celebrate a birthday on an island estate crawling with killer amphibians, birds, insects, and reptiles.Had a cool premise and could have been a cool movie. It turned out to be a totally snoozefest and even the campy nature of it couldn't save it.
- DirectorDeclan O'BrienStarsTom FredericJanet MontgomeryGil KolirinWhen their transfer bus crashes in a West Virginia forest, a group of convicts and one a corrections officer meet a rafter who is on the run from cannibalistic hillbillies who have murdered her friends.By halfway through this I wanted to be slaughtered by a deformed hick!
- DirectorDennis DuganStarsAdam SandlerKevin JamesJessica BielTwo straight, single Brooklyn firefighters pretend to be a gay couple in order to receive domestic partner benefits.I hoped for the best with this. I got the worst. Lame gay jokes aren't really a solid foundation for a movie. They are just lame gay jokes in the end.
- DirectorBarry W. BlausteinStarsJohnny KnoxvilleKatherine HeiglBrian CoxA young guy's only option to erase a really bad debt is to rig the Special Olympics by posing as a contestant.Kinda offensive and I'm a pretty un pc guy
- DirectorTom ShadyacStarsRobin WilliamsDaniel LondonMonica PotterThe true story of a heroic man, Hunter "Patch" Adams, determined to become a medical doctor because he enjoys helping people. He ventured where no doctor had ventured before, using humour and pathos.The worst kind of sickly sweet, emotionally cloying, manipulative bulls##t.
- DirectorGuy RitchieStarsMadonnaAdriano GianniniBruce GreenwoodA snooty socialite is stranded on a Mediterranean island with a communist sailor.I found myself getting more and more annoyed as this film drudged on.
- DirectorEli RothStarsLauren GermanHeather MatarazzoBijou PhillipsThree American college students studying abroad are lured to a Slovakian hostel and discover the grim reality behind it.Hostel with its half naked guys getting butchered was just an excuse so this film with its naked women getting butchered would catch less flack
- DirectorBrian RobbinsStarsEddie MurphyThandiwe NewtonTerry CrewsA mild-mannered guy, who is married to a monstrous woman, meets the woman of his dreams, and schemes to find a way to be with her.I don't know where to start...so I won't
- DirectorAlan MetterStarsG.W. BaileyGeorge GaynesMichael WinslowThe Russian government hires the veterans of the Police Academy (1984) to help deal with the Mafia.Maybe the ultimate example of the Law of Diminishing Returns in film.
By the time they got to this the 7th outing they should have been paying us to see this dreadful offering - DirectorDaniel MyrickEduardo SánchezStarsHeather DonahueMichael C. WilliamsJoshua LeonardThree film students vanish after traveling into a Maryland forest to film a documentary on the local Blair Witch legend, leaving only their footage behind.I can't quite put my finger on exactly why I hate this film as much as I do. I had to include it though, I hate it too much to leave it off.
- DirectorMarco SchnabelStarsMike MyersJessica AlbaRomany MalcoPitka, an American raised outside of his country by gurus, returns to the States in order to break into the self-help business. His first challenge is to settle the romantic troubles and subsequent professional skid of a star hockey player whose wife left him for a rival athlete.It's just bad, plain stupid and bad again.
- DirectorKevin CostnerStarsKevin CostnerWill PattonLarenz TateA nameless drifter dons a postman's uniform and bag of mail as he begins a quest to inspire hope to the survivors living in post-apocalyptic America.Monumentally boring
- DirectorRoger SpottiswoodeStarsSylvester StalloneEstelle GettyJoBeth WilliamsA tough police sergeant's overbearing mother comes to visit him and begins to meddle in his life and career.His Mom should have shot the writer, director, producer, the cast, the make up people, the cameramen and anyone else involved in making it. Then herself.
- DirectorJohn LandisStarsJohn BelushiKaren AllenTom HulceAt a 1962 college, Dean Vernon Wormer is determined to expel the entire Delta Tau Chi Fraternity, but those troublemakers have other plans for him.Not worthy of its reputation. Why? Well, because it's not funny.
- DirectorDavid DeCoteauStarsKristopher TurnerPaul AndrichEllen WieserA group of devil-may-care teenagers discover they've mistakenly called upon the Prince of Darkness in this flashy horror story. A handful of high school students have been entertaining themselves on weekends by playing an elaborate role-playing game in which they impersonate witches, warlocks, and other magical beings. One weekend, they decide to up the ante by breaking into the school and using the building's nooks and crannies to make the competition more challenging. One of the teens has brought along a book of magic spells, and they decide to throw some incantations into the games to make things more interesting. What the kids didn't count on is that the spells actually work, and soon the role-players have unleashed an unspeakable and dangerous force.Rivals Go Fish for the worst acted film I have seen. Probably also the least scary 'Horror' film I have ever seen. I does contain what I think is the worst individual performance by an actor I have seen, so it's worth a look just for the hilarity of that.