Bad Movies You Must Avoid

Stupid. Stupid. Stupid! STUPID! Why is it live-action films based off of children's shows from the 60s, 70s, and 80s always suck donkey testicles? I mean, we got Rocky and Bullwinke, the Flintstones, Yogi Bear, The Smurfs, Alvin and the Chipmunks, Inspector Gadget, and this disgrace to the beloved mystery show! Don't get me wrong, the acting is superb, but everything else is just ridiculous.

Pitiful acting, nonsensical story arcs, numerous plot holes, boring and laughable dialogue, badly-executed fight scenes... Seems to live up to all the expectations one could have for an Uwe Boll film.

The winner of Worst Film of the past decade (the same decade as Freddy Got Fingered, Alone in the Dark, The Cat in the Hat, Scooby-Doo, Superbabies: Baby Geniuses 2, Birdemic, Gigli, I Know Who Killed Me, and Pearl Harbor). This doesn't even SEEM like a real sci-fi film. It looks like someone just took all the first takes and gag real of an actual sci-fi film and put them together, resulting in a poorly-constructed amalgamation of torture and stupidity. Oh, and John Travolta gives an ANUS of a performance.

How would you describe this? A. An abomination. B. A mockery. C. A horrible piece of unbearable goat *beep* The correct answer is D. All of the above. This movie is an INSULT to all the people who died on board the Titanic. It's more like a half-assed piece of anti-whaling propaganda than it is an account of the famous ship. This movie actually ENRAGES me, it's that bad.

The first one was strange enough. But at least the first one was entertaining. This one makes NO *beep* SENSE at all! However, I've heard that the third one is even worse. I became convinced of that once I saw just one review of it. So even though I'm never going to watch the third one, I'd recommend avoiding it, too.

This is the only one of those dumbass parodies entitled "_____ Movie" that I've managed to sit through, but it's still pretty bad. Wait, "pretty bad?" Who the hell am I kidding; it's horrid!

I never saw the original, but it HAS to be superior to this repulsive hunk of ass. It's just violence galore. I enjoy movie violence as much as any other movie-goer, but there has to be a POINT to that violence. If this were to count as a holiday movie, I would have to rank it amongst the second worst ever made, behind the "Star Wars Holiday Special" (I haven't seen that one either, but I can determine by myself that it's horrible, based off a review I saw.)"

Another remake that disgusts me. Once again, I never saw the original with Gregory Peck, but I'm pretty sure it made a lot more sense than THIS. This movie is just monumentally boring, stupid, and a real waste of time. Aside from that, half of the characters are just DUMB-ASSES who never take a break from being dumb-asses.

It's hard to describe how terrible this one is. I mean, what idiots actually thought that this would be at all charming or enjoyable to watch? It's downright DISGUSTING from start to finish.

I didn't even want to see this one when it came out. When I was ten, my Mom practically forced me and my nine-year old sister to see it at the theaters. Of course, she regretted it afterwards, and my Mom is a very intelligent woman, but still; I find it rather odd how she couldn't tell that a movie was going to blow when even her freakin' pre-teen kids could. Needless to say, it's disdainfully bad. Also, I'm rather surprised that they got Mike Myers to play the title role. Was Jim Carrey busy or something?

It's nowhere near as bad as the next one, but it's still very badly-executed. The visuals are dull, the acting is unbelievable, and the characters are very bland.

I *beep* HATE this one. I hate it, hate it, hate it. I HATE IT! I hate it more than Roger Ebert hates the movie "North." The story line is completely nonsensical. It is not scary, it is not engaging, it is not at ALL enjoyable to watch. How this movie managed to avoid "winning" any Razzies other than "Worst Visuals" is beyond me. The shark is actually the funniest part of this piece of cow crap instead of the scariest. It's so funny because it's so unrealistic. There is NO effort to make it look real. It's more fake and artifical than the acting from the Phantom Menace.

I've never done drugs, consumed alcohol, or had a mental disorder. So I have no idea WHAT I was possibly thinking when I decided to watch this. Fortunately, I watched it late at night, so I don't remember that much about it. But I managed to retain the worst parts in my memory. Jenny McCarthy is typically not a fair actress. In this film, she's about as plausible as Madonna at acting. Also, Carmen Electra's performance is remarkably bad. Aside from the terrible acting, the plot itself makes no sense, and it is not interesting at all. Most of the people on camera actually appear to be reluctant to be there. Frankly, I can't blame them.

In some ways, Japanese animated films are often superior to American animated films. The Japanese have produced numerous animated masterpieces, such as Grave of the Fireflies, My Neighbor Totoro, Howl's Moving Castle, Spirited Away (which is considered to be the second best animated film ever made behind Toy Story 3), and Princess Mononoke (one of my top 22 favorite movies). However, the Japanese are just as capable as we are of taking whatever they pull out of their asses and transforming it into an animated movie. Don't believe me? Just look at how *beep* well THIS movie and its sequels turned out! Aside from how its audience is incredibly limited to children who are fans of the franchise, it has characters more bland than plain lima beans, the tediously repeated message of "fighting is wrong" is completely hypocritical, and the way they bring the protagonist back to life is one of the dumbest things I have EVER seen in my life.

This is the THIRD remake to appear on this list. This one is a shot-for-shot replica of the Spanish original. The one up-side to this movie is Naomi Watts. She is the only one that seems to be taking it seriously, and she manages to convey the emotions properly. Everything else is just a pain to sit through.

Aside from the fact that this film has NOTHING to do with the others in the franchise, this movie is unique in the way that its main plot is comical, horrifying, and ridiculous. Sure, like the antagonist, I'm not very pleased that All Hallows' Eve went from a day of banishing the demons from the world in preparation for All Souls' Day to nothing more than the concept of children dressing up and going door-to-door, asking for treats. But that isn't enough to incite genocide! Seriously, what hack scriptwriter thought this up anyway? It's just plain stupid.

I will admit that the "sign in the sky" segment is funny. But everything else is torture to sit through. In fact, Richard Roeper himself walked out of this movie. That was the first time he ever did it! That goes to show how bad this one is; Richard Roeper himself couldn't get through it! Yet I could. Strange... It's still pretty freakin' dumb. That pretty much sums up what's wrong with this movie.

The series was epic. It was an animated show that combined adventure, action, humor, tragedy, suspense, and romance into a beautiful amalgamation of wonder. This movie sucked. Some idiots just took the few flaws of the series and used them to make this movie. I had no idea what was going on; there was some material that I did not even recognize. It took a great show and turned it into nothing.

This movie is just obnoxious. The suspense fails, the acting is medicore, and the plot is just outrageous. Also, this movie is ANNOYING. And I mean, INCREDIBLY annoying. It's more annoying than Pauly Shore, Tom Green, and the entire Kardashian family combined. I still can't believe I didn't turn it off before it was over! 'Cause now, I wish I did.

I will admit that I enjoyed this movie when it first came out. Of course, I was *beep* five years old at the time. Now that I'm older and I have a better perception of the world, I can safely tell you this: KEEP AWAY FROM THIS ONE! No one over the age of seven could EVER possibly find it entertaining. Also, the songs are monotonous and mostly unoriginal, the suspense is unnecessary and over-the-top, and the main plot makes you want to shout "DO YOU REALLY THINK WE GIVE A *beep* ?" Seriously, it's so condescending that it makes the Care Bears Movie look like 300.

I about near fell asleep while watching this. Now, I wish I HAD fallen asleep. I wouldn't have had to remember this failure. The plot jumps around more than an episode of Family Guy, and the acting makes me want to pour boiling water into my ears. This is one of the many reasons why Lindsay Lohan's career has never really gotten anywhere.

Boring as hell, and unbelieveably condescending. This has GOT to be the most pathetic excuse of a children's movie I've ever has the displeasure of seeing.

Horrendous. That's all I can say about it. It's a horrendous piece of *beep* Everyone who helped make this movie should be HANGED, it's that bad. I've seen both versions of it (the version reviewed by the Nostalgia Critic AND the extended versin), and I can safely say that this is the worst movie I've ever seen in my life.

Inconsistency at its peak. I mean, talk about plotholes galore! Uwe Boll couldn't make a decent film if he got some type of divine revelation from movie legends like Frank Capra and John Ford! This one just had too much pointlessness to keep track of everything. That's all I can really say.

Despite a surprisingly convincing performance by Michael Madsen, this movie has very little redeeming quality. I will admit, it is slightly better than the other two Uwe Boll films on this list, but it's still mindess drivel. It's a real shame to see a well-renowned actor like Ben Kingsley waste his time on this junk.

You hear that? That's the sound of Alfred Hitchcock spinning in his grave. That's also the sound of Al Gore banging his head against a wall. Whoever thought it would be a good idea to take a classic thriller like "The Birds" and rewrite it in modern-day with a painfully obvious environmentalist message and actors with nonexistent talent... that person must've had some "issues." To be honest, this seems like one of those amateurish videos you see on Youtube. Only it's an hour and a-half long.

It has Pauly Shore. Need I say more? The premise for this movie actually doesn't seem that bad. But when you hire someone as untalented and moronic as Pauly Shore to play one of the main characters, you're in for a world of hurt. If you're brave enough to approach this one, get ready to be bored, irritated, and aggravated to tears. I apologize in advance to all Pauly Shore fans. All three of them.

I saw this one fully expecting to dread and despise it by the end credits. I'm pleased to say my expectations were completely met! I still can't believe so many excellent people became insinuated with this filth. Not just the actors like Ben Affleck, Jennifer Lopez, Al Pacino, and Christopher Walken. But the director is Martin Brest; the same guy who directed Beverly Hills Cop an Scent of a Woman! I have never cringed so hard and so much in my life than I did while watching this movie. The dialogue makes my skin crawl, the characters are unlikable, and the plot is absurd.

Don't let the intriguing poster fool you. The movie was actually based off the poster; not the other way around. If not for the brilliance of Mystery Science Theater 3000, I would never have gotten through this blatant ripoff of Mad Max. Robert Ginty looks and sounds as though he couldn't give any less of a *beep* about being there if he tried, and the story involves the most generic corrupt, dystopian setting I've ever seen. I doubt there's anything original in this movie at all.

I lost all respect for Faye Dunaway after watching this crapfest. Then again, I wasn't all that fond of her to begin with, but at least she managed to deliver a number of convincing performances in the 60s and 70s. However, this movie was when her career really went downhill. If the producers' goal was to make us abhor Joan Crawford and everyone who was ever affiliated with her, they failed. But they succeeded in making me dislike everyone who made this atrocity.

Without question, the worst movie to ever win Best Picture. Especially when you compare it to the four vastly superior films it won the award over. It's about as feminist as a brothel, the main characters have absolutely NO likable facets, and it appears to take place in a world where murder is about as serious a crime as littering. Its only redeeming aspects are the always-fantastic John C. Reilly, the gorgeous Catherine Zeta-Jones, and the sensual dance segments. Sadly, they don't compensate for the movie's myriad of flaws.