I won't admit I've seen these
Let's face it, I've made a lot of bad choices & carry a lot of shame with me.
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- CreatorAlan BallStarsAnna PaquinStephen MoyerSam TrammellTelepathic waitress Sookie Stackhouse encounters a strange new supernatural world when she meets the mysterious Bill Compton, a southern Louisiana gentleman and vampire.Politically & socially I don't like to describe things as "gay," I think it's wrong, but for some reason, gay just seems like the only fitting word.
- DirectorSylvio TabetStarsMarc SingerKari WuhrerSarah DouglasDar is a warrior who can talk to the beasts. He is forced to travel to Earth to stop his evil brother from stealing an atomic bomb and turning their native land from a desert into, well - a desert.Sometimes I regret growing up with HBO
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsMel GibsonHeath LedgerJoely RichardsonPeaceful farmer Benjamin Martin is driven to lead the Colonial Militia during the American Revolution when a sadistic British officer murders his son.What's shocking is the same dude that wrote "Saving Private Ryan," wrote this nightmare.
- DirectorRaja GosnellStarsHank AzariaKaty PerryJonathan WintersWhen the evil wizard Gargamel chases the tiny blue Smurfs out of their village, they tumble from their magical world into New York City.Seriously, I paid to see this on the big screen, for two people.
- DirectorChristopher GuestStarsChris FarleyMatthew PerryBokeem WoodbineTwo bumbling explorers hope to beat Lewis & Clarke to the Pacific Ocean as they race across America's western frontier in the early 1800's.Chris Farley can do wrong, this was wrong, let's pretend it never happened.
- DirectorKatt SheaStarsDrew BarrymoreSara GilbertTom SkerrittA seductive teen befriends an introverted high school student and schemes her way into the lives of her wealthy family.To be honest, I was expecting T&A...very disappointed.
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsElijah WoodIan McKellenOrlando BloomA meek Hobbit from the Shire and eight companions set out on a journey to destroy the powerful One Ring and save Middle-earth from the Dark Lord Sauron.Still waiting for something interesting to happen.
- DirectorPaul JohanssonStarsTaylor SchillingGrant BowlerMatthew MarsdenRailroad executive Dagny Taggart and steel mogul Henry Rearden form an alliance to fight the increasingly authoritarian government of the United States.To be fair, it's not that it's an indoctrination piece written by the author of "The Virtue of Selfishness," it's on the list because it sucks as a movie.
- DirectorMichael SchroederStarsElias KoteasAngelina JolieJack Palance2 companies battle for Cyborg domination. One's built a cyborg/Angelina Jolie so human, that they hope, she'll get into the competition's HQ and explode. But she escapes with her human martial arts instructor.
- DirectorStewart RaffillStarsChristine EbersoleJonathan WardTina CasparyAn alien trying to escape from NASA is befriended by a wheelchair-bound boy.And I totally won't admit to liking it when I was a child
- DirectorRaymond MartinoStarsAnna Nicole SmithRichard SteinmetzBranimir CikatiæA helicopter charter soon turns deadly when the female pilot finds that she is on a building held by terrorists. It is up to her and her husband to save the hostages.See number 6
- CreatorJames CameronCharles H. EgleeStarsJessica AlbaMichael WeatherlyRichard GunnA group of genetically-enhanced children escape from a lab project. Years later we meet Max, one of the escapees who now works for a messenger service in the post-apocalyptic Pacific Northwest.For those of you old enough, it was sort of like "Gen-13" only without the humor.
- CreatorAndrew CosbyJaime PagliaStarsColin FergusonSalli Richardson-WhitfieldErica CerraA U.S. Marshal becomes the sheriff of Eureka, a remote, cozy little Northwestern town where the best minds in the US have secretly been tucked away to build futuristic inventions for the government which often go disastrously wrong.
- CreatorMark BrazillTerry TurnerBonnie TurnerStarsGlenn HowertonTinsley GrimesChyler LeighThat '80s Show is a half-hour ensemble comedy focusing on a group of twenty-somethings finding their way through the '80s in San Diego.Much like the 80's everything about it sucked.
- DirectorGeorge LucasStarsEwan McGregorLiam NeesonNatalie PortmanTwo Jedi escape a hostile blockade to find allies and come across a young boy who may bring balance to the Force, but the long dormant Sith resurface to claim their original glory.Robbing the new generation of great science fiction
- DirectorPeter JacksonStarsNaomi WattsJack BlackAdrien BrodyA greedy film producer assembles a team of moviemakers and sets out for the infamous Skull Island, where they find more than just cannibalistic natives.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsMark WahlbergHelena Bonham CarterTim RothIn 2029, an Air Force astronaut crash-lands on a mysterious planet where evolved, talking apes dominate a race of primitive humans.Hate Burton
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsJohnny DeppFreddie HighmoreDavid KellyCharlie, a young boy from an impoverished family, and four other kids win a tour of an amazing chocolate factory run by an imaginative chocolatier, Willy Wonka, and his staff of Oompa-Loompas.Burton kills a classic.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsMia WasikowskaJohnny DeppHelena Bonham CarterNineteen-year-old Alice returns to the magical world from her childhood adventure, where she reunites with her old friends and learns of her true destiny: to end the Red Queen's reign of terror.See above
- DirectorMcGStarsChristian BaleSam WorthingtonAnton YelchinIn 2018, a mysterious new weapon in the war against the machines, half-human and half-machine, comes to John Connor on the eve of a resistance attack on Skynet. But whose side is he on, and can he be trusted?I should have tuned out after I saw "MCG"
- DirectorMcGStarsCameron DiazDrew BarrymoreLucy LiuThree women, detectives with a mysterious boss, retrieve stolen voice-ID software, using martial arts, tech skills, and sex appeal.See above
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsVal KilmerTommy Lee JonesJim CarreyBatman must battle former district attorney Harvey Dent, who is now Two-Face and Edward Nygma, The Riddler with help from an amorous psychologist and a young circus acrobat who becomes his sidekick, Robin.Neon gangs.
- DirectorJoel SchumacherStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerGeorge ClooneyChris O'DonnellBatman and Robin try to keep their relationship together even as they must stop Mr. Freeze and Poison Ivy from freezing Gotham City.Toy commercial.
- DirectorStephen SommersStarsDennis QuaidChanning TatumMarlon WayansAn elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.
- DirectorMark Steven JohnsonStarsNicolas CageEva MendesSam ElliottWhen motorcycle rider Johnny Blaze sells his soul to the Devil to save his father's life, he is transformed into the Ghost Rider, the Devil's own bounty hunter, and is sent to hunt down sinners.Not at all like the comic
- DirectorSimon WestStarsNicolas CageJohn CusackJohn MalkovichNewly-paroled ex-con and former U.S. Ranger Cameron Poe finds himself trapped in a prisoner-transport plane when the passengers seize control.
- DirectorMel GibsonStarsJim CaviezelMonica BellucciMaia MorgensternDepicts the final twelve hours in the life of Jesus of Nazareth, on the day of his crucifixion in Jerusalem.Free showing on campus, lesson learned, Gibson is no Scorsese
- DirectorRob CohenStarsVin DieselAsia ArgentoMarton CsokasThe US government recruits extreme sports athlete Xander Cage to infiltrate a Russian criminal ring, which is plotting the destruction of the world.I should have dumped her the moment she said "let's see Triple-X" but deep down, I always wanted to hear a woman say that
- DirectorRob CohenStarsVin DieselPaul WalkerMichelle RodriguezLos Angeles police officer Brian O'Conner must decide where his loyalty really lies when he becomes enamored with the street racing world he has been sent undercover to destroy.See above, change the title
- DirectorMichael BayStarsBen AffleckKate BeckinsaleJosh HartnettA tale of war and romance mixed in with history. The story follows two lifelong friends and a beautiful nurse who are caught up in the horror of an infamous Sunday morning in 1941.I never understood how someone could make both Pearl Harbor & 30 Seconds over Tokyo dull
- DirectorRon MaxwellStarsStephen LangRobert DuvallJeff DanielsThe rise and fall of confederate general Thomas "Stonewall" Jackson, as he meets with military success against the Union from 1861 to 1863, when he is accidentally killed by his own soldiers.See above, only with the Civil War
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsRussell CroweJoaquin PhoenixConnie NielsenA former Roman General sets out to exact vengeance against the corrupt emperor who murdered his family and sent him into slavery.See above with Rome
- DirectorMichael RymerStarsAaliyahStuart TownsendMarguerite MoreauIn this loose sequel to Interview with the Vampire: The Vampire Chronicles (1994), the vampire Lestat becomes a rock star whose music wakes up the equally beautiful and monstrous queen of all vampires.The only Anne Rice book I liked, the only Anne Rice movie I hated
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsJohn CusackThandiwe NewtonChiwetel EjioforA frustrated writer struggles to keep his family alive when a series of global catastrophes threatens to annihilate mankind.Graham Hancock did a better job
- DirectorPaul W.S. AndersonStarsMilla JovovichMichelle RodriguezRyan McCluskeyA special military unit fights a powerful, out-of-control supercomputer and hundreds of scientists who have mutated into flesh-eating creatures after a laboratory accident.Left me with that awkward, "eh" feeling
- DirectorJoe JohnstonStarsSam NeillWilliam H. MacyTéa LeoniA decidedly odd couple with ulterior motives convince Dr. Grant to go to Isla Sorna for a holiday, but their unexpected landing startles the island's new inhabitants.
- DirectorBaz LuhrmannStarsNicole KidmanEwan McGregorJohn LeguizamoA poor Bohemian poet in 1890s Paris falls for a beautiful courtesan and nightclub star coveted by a jealous duke.Too "Art" for it's own good
- DirectorGabriele MuccinoStarsWill SmithThandiwe NewtonJaden SmithA struggling salesman takes custody of his son as he's poised to begin a life-changing professional career
- DirectorJon TurteltaubStarsNicolas CageDiane KrugerJustin BarthaBenjamin Gates must follow a clue left in John Wilkes Booth's diary to prove his ancestor's innocence in the assassination of Abraham Lincoln.
- DirectorDavid McNallyStarsAnthony AndersonJerry O'ConnellEstella WarrenTwo childhood friends, a New York hairstylist and a would-be musician, get caught up with the mob and are forced to deliver $50,000 to Australia, but things go haywire when the money is lost to a wild kangaroo.
- DirectorCameron CroweStarsTom CruisePenélope CruzCameron DiazA self-indulgent and vain publishing magnate finds his privileged life upended after a vehicular accident with a resentful lover.I hate remakes
- DirectorJohn WooStarsTom CruiseDougray ScottThandiwe NewtonIMF agent Ethan Hunt is sent to Sydney to find and destroy a genetically modified disease called "Chimera".Way to kill a promising franchise on the second film
- DirectorJ.J. AbramsStarsTom CruiseMichelle MonaghanVing RhamesIMF agent Ethan Hunt comes into conflict with a dangerous and sadistic arms dealer who threatens his life and his fiancée in response.Should have learned my lesson
- DirectorEdward ZwickStarsTom CruiseKen WatanabeBilly ConnollyNathan Algren, a US army veteran, is hired by the Japanese emperor to train his army in the modern warfare techniques. Nathan finds himself trapped in a struggle between two eras and two worlds.Even if you side with the bad guys, Tom, you'll still make a crap movie
- DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsRay WinstoneCrispin GloverAngelina JolieThe warrior Beowulf must fight and defeat the monster Grendel, who is terrorizing Denmark, then Grendel's Mother, who begins killing out of revenge.When I read it in high school I thought "Maybe 3D will make it entertaining."
- DirectorWolfgang PetersenStarsBrad PittEric BanaOrlando BloomAn adaptation of Homer's great epic, the film follows the assault on Troy by the united Greek forces and chronicles the fates of the men involved.It's like the "Iliad" only without the good parts
- DirectorRob CohenStarsBrendan FraserJet LiMaria BelloIn the Far East, Alex O'Connell, the son of famed mummy fighters Rick and Evy O'Connell, unearths the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin -- a shape-shifting entity cursed by a witch centuries ago.
- DirectorShawn LevyStarsSteve MartinBonnie HuntHilary DuffWith his wife on a book tour, Tom Baker finds his life turned upside down when he agrees to care for his twelve children while simultaneously also coaching his new football team.
- DirectorPeter HewittStarsBreckin MeyerJennifer Love HewittStephen TobolowskyJon Arbuckle buys a second pet, a dog named Odie. However, Odie is then abducted and it is up to Jon's cat, Garfield, to find and rescue the canine.
- DirectorPaul VerhoevenStarsKevin BaconElisabeth ShueJosh BrolinA brilliant scientist's discovery renders him invisible, but transforms him into an omnipotent, dangerous megalomaniac.Hollow Film