Top Five Worst Films of 2012...So Far
With the good must come the bad. Here are the worst films of 2012 so far. I can only hope the worst has past and there is only good to look forward to now.
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- DirectorMcGStarsReese WitherspoonChris PineTom HardyC.I.A. operatives wage an epic battle on each other when they discover they are dating the same woman.Stalking is not funny. If you don't think so either, you will not laugh once in this movie. In fact, I hesitate to even call it a movie; it feels more like a commercial for fashion boutique or a new perfume than a film. McG (well deserving of such a name) proves equally incompetent in directing comedy as well as action. The premise is unbelievably weak in addition to being awful; Reese Witherspoon decides to date two men at the same time (telling neither, by the way) both of whom are, COINCIDENTALLY, best friends who work at the CIA. Both then proceed to not only commandeer and destroy millions of dollars-worth of CIA equipment, but also bug and place cameras in her apartment to learn what she likes. All of this is incredibly creepy and not the least bit funny. It also doesn't help that the three leads lack anything resembling chemistry and are stuck in miscast roles. Reese Witherspoon is a talented actress but she is not a sexy lead; Tom Hardy, the only person actually trying in the movie, is meant to be the 'safe' guy; and Chris Pine is just miscast in the lead, being that he has all the charisma of a plank of wood. The film is awful: awful comedy, awful writing, awful action, awful direction. Just awful. This means garbage.
- DirectorPeter BergStarsAlexander SkarsgårdBrooklyn DeckerLiam NeesonA fleet of ships is forced to do battle with an armada of unknown origins in order to discover and thwart their destructive goals.Predictable? Yes. Unfortunately, I can't lie to myself. I don't think anyone expected this to work out, not just because it's a film based off a board game (though that doesn't help) but also because it was attempting to reproduce the Transformers movies, a series of movies that are best left to gather dust in the furthest corners of the Vault of Forgotten Travesties. Peter Berg is normally a sharp director but he fails at trying to make a fun romp with aliens, given that he is also instinctively trying to be sincere about it. None of the actors look like they are invested in their roles, Liam Neeson especially looking like the producers are waving his paycheck at him from off-screen. The set-up is so overused you can recite it in your sleep: a rough, tough, brash young man with a streak for trouble and who is hated by his superiors finds himself in command during a major crises and must man up to save the day. The action is as boring as it comes, nothing spectacular or interesting of note; the same action beats play over and over again until you can call them from memory. There is the smatterings of interesting ideas at play here and there, but they must be accidents. I also won't spoil what happens in the third act regarding an old battleship but I'm still trying to decide if its stupidity is to be admired or offended by.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsNoomi RapaceLogan Marshall-GreenMichael FassbenderFollowing clues to the origin of mankind, a team finds a structure on a distant moon, but they soon realize they are not alone.Oh, how I wanted to love this movie. The trailers got me excited like few films have this year but I went in, telling myself to have modest expectations. They were still crushed. I am still stupified that Ridley Scott of all people saw the finished product, nay, read the script and thought that it was fine as is. And that's where the problem is; the script is horrendous, perhaps the worst of the year. The visuals and the acting are all great, but they are let down but a story with more holes than swiss cheese and a terribly on-the-nose script that forces the characters to state out loud the themes of the movie. The idea of finding our creator among alien lifeforms is an interesting one, but the movie can't make it interesting, forcing the actors to basically tell the audience what the mission is in case we forget that there actually IS a point to the movie. The plot holes are enormous, all of them unforgivable as even a novice screenwriter could have fixed them; the characters are all forced to be stupid and make the stupidest decisions possible to keep the story moving; the 'big questions' of the film are ultimately pointless; and it really feels like nothing gets accomplished in the movie. Ridley Scott has been slipping his past few movies and he really needs to stop and get his bearings lest he slip any further.
- DirectorWilliam Brent BellStarsFernanda AndradeSimon QuartermanEvan HelmuthIn Italy, a woman becomes involved in a series of unauthorized exorcisms during her mission to discover what happened to her mother, who allegedly murdered three people during her own exorcism.Unless you really have some original flair, exorcism movies are creative dead-zones. They have little-to-no shocks in them since every other exorcism film has already used them, and there are only two real ways to end an exorcism film. When there is a creative force behind the screenplay and camera, we get something like The Last Exorcism. When it doesn't (also employing the worst of the POV-film style), we get The Devil Inside. This film barely registers as an actual movie. Everything is so predictable and made with so little effort that one feels that if they could actually touch the movie, it would crumble like a wafer. Even within its own logic, there seems to be little reason for this film to exist. Why would the main character film this stuff? Their paper-thin explanation doesn't hold up to the slightest scrutiny. You all know the scares (the sudden screaming, the twisted body, etc.) but what you may not know is the ending, which is an enormous insult to the audience and may very well leave many people in stunned silence. There was no reason to make this film and no reason anyone should see it.
- DirectorSean AndersStarsAdam SandlerAndy SambergLeighton MeesterWhile in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent until Todd's 18th birthday. Now Donny resurfaces just before Todd's wedding after years apart, sending the groom-to-be's world crashing down.Like M. Night Shayamalan, it may seem hip to bash Adam Sandler but, also like Shayamalan, he has well-earned the bashing by now. I have never found Sandler funny but mostly he just serves as a casual annoyance rather than an object of hatred. But lately, Sandler seems to be trying harder than ever to make people hate him. Within the last three years, he has put out some of the worst comedies ever to be thought up by a human brain and this one is no exception. It's a little tiring to watch Sandler, yet again, play an immature, shrieking, cursing man-child who has to learn a lesson. I fail to see the humor in underage sex and I also fail to believe that a preteen boy would be forced to raise the resulting child. Even if I could suspend my disbelief, there is nothing redeeming about this movie. The acting, the writing, the direction, the comedy...at this point, I could just say that it is Sandler-level and that would explain itself.