Rating the Pirates

This is the best movie because it fixes a lot of problems the first had, but doesn't go too far into uncharted territory as the third. While I will not spoil all of those issues already, I will say that it is better in almost every single way. The action continues to present interesting situations, but stays in a plausible if improbable reality. The windmill wheel scene is probably the best action scene the series has to offer and the Kraken provides a welcome departure from the simple ship-to-ship combat. Many complained the story got a bit too complicated, but I think I was nine the first time I saw this and understood everything perfectly and the reason is because it is so well explained to the audience without ever feeling degrading. Once again it is a refreshing story which sticks with a non-nonsensical pirate charm that makes just enough sense that Sparrow's clever solutions to problems never seem too unbelievable. This one also provides an unpredictable nature absent from the other installments as it has the advantage of being the middle in a trilogy. Also very well shot.

The one that turned a theme park ride into a billion dollar cinematic tour de force. For good reason. It was a fun adventure with a very creative story and very original characters. Depp's portrayal of Sparrow has been so well acclaimed that it even warranted him an Oscar nomination, but I think people often overlook Rush as Barbossa, a role he absolutely savors in every scene and which the audience equally savors watching. Not so great are the two 'straight' characters. Where Knightly is serviceable, Bloom is almost unwatchable. It is clear he landed the role simply for his popularity at the time with the success of Jackson's Lord of the Rings, but in actuality he can't act to save his life. The leading man often comes off as cringe-worthy and annoying, a great detriment to the film. However the interesting side characters make up for this along with the smart comedy and clever writing. Something the film was cited as upon release was a good 'action' movie, but the actual action that is here really isn't that well done. Sword fights feel pointless and the ship battles are poorly shot in that it is hard to become invested. However the film makes up for this by providing interesting scenarios like a ship-to-ship combat scene where one is forced to use cutlery and silverware as canon fodder and another where a sword fight flits through patches of shadow and moonlight, where the villains are revealed to be the walking dead. Furthermore the movie is actually really rewatchable as the creators put painstaking effort into this world and created layers in the dialogue that one might skim over on a first viewing. Overall the positives far outweigh the negatives and this movie stands solid as a Disney classic.

The Worst of the trilogy this one turns into somewhat of a cartoon in its action sequences and Sparrow becomes a superhero. Where the previous ones were somewhat placed in reality, three took of the training wheels and starts flying across the room. It isn't a bad movie, but it suffers from some poor jokes, a convoluted plot that is poorly explained to the audience and the fact that Verbinski has forgotten how to use Orlando Bloom in a way that he isn't completely unbearable to watch. It doesn't help that it is a two and a half hour long movie in which not all that much really happens. But saying all this, it still has some of the very best moments in the franchise, like the opening scene, which might seem a bit dark but is fitting for a third in the trilogy. It shows the directors chops and fringes on artistic cinema. The movie has some great cinematography however and the shining star here is undoubtedly the score. Zimmer is perfect here, combing tracks from all the previous installments into something which is surely a joy to behold. A "Once Upon a Time in the West" throwback was simply amazing and completely made a certain scene. Overall I liked it, but unlike the other two in the trilogy, after watching it I don't get that warm fuzzy feeling from knowing I had just experienced a good movie.

The absence of Gore Verbinski and his talented team is sorely felt here as this is simply put a 'cash-in'. On Stranger Tides doesn't have that love and care put into it, with some old characters like Pintel and Raggeti completely disappearing along with some long running gags throughout the series. It is a new start for the franchise, but not done properly. Depp is still here as Sparrow, as well as Barbossa and Gibbs being returning characters and yet none of them deliver the lively performances from previous installments and ultimately it feels like they are just here for the pay check. Even the make-up department seems to have given up or maybe Depp just didn't want to sit in a chair half the day when he isn't trying anyway. Who knows, the fact remains that this movie is not at all like the others and it feels lazy. The writing has some really cool ideas and at some points where old characters are completely absent, like the mermaids scene, it feels fresh, but ultimately this movie just didn't live up to the legacy established by its forerunners.