Watched August 2009
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- StarsAlton BrownMerrilyn CrouchBart HansardIn this episode host Alton Brown makes split pea soup, a pea burger, and a pea salad in order to help little Stevie's parents get him to eat his peas.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinThe high-school football coach approaches Bill and Judy because he'd like Brian to join the football team. He would be a place-kicker and third-string, but Bill is delighted, as his son will be on the football team like he was. Judy's afraid that Brian will get hurt and she doesn't want Bill to pressure him into it. Brian isn't even sure about it, so Bill convinces him to play and says he'll always support whatever he does. At the football game, Bill discovers the perks of being a football parent, as does Judy. Then Bill finds out that what Brian really wants to do is join the cheer squad. Bill is crushed and embarrassed until he finds out that Brian joined the football team because it made his dad happy and they could have something in common but he would rather be on the cheer squad and there are good things about being part of it. But he isn't even sure he's good enough to make it, so Bill shows him some moves that might help.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinBill becomes inseparable best buddies with Linda's new boyfriend, which continues on the sly after she dumps him for cheating.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinJudy sees how fast the kids are growing up and wants to create a family night. However Bill's bowling team tryout causes complications.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinJudy's parents, who don't get along, come to stay for a few days over Thanksgiving, and Bill gives his father-in-law advice on how to handle his wife.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinBill comes down with a bad case of accumulated sick days, which he'll lose if he doesn't use them by staying home for a few days. Lauren is about to go to her first school dance, but bullying another girl at school gets her grounded. Judy tries to impress Lauren about the wrongfulness of bullying by telling her the story of her own bullied time with classmate Jeana Mirelli. When Lauren later confides to Bill that Judy told her about Jeana, Bill thinks Judy shared the real story, where Judy was the merciless bully and Jeana was her victim. Lauren is outraged at Judy for lying, Judy is mad at Bill for revealing, and Bill is upset at Judy for not updating him on this latest lie to the kids. Since Bill seems to think Judy is being too harsh on Lauren, Judy puts Bill completely in charge of her punishment. To Lauren's delight, Bill allows her to attend the dance, so Judy further allows Bill to shop for Lauren's party dress, for which Bill, unschooled in the ways of aggressive dress shopping, is woefully unprepared.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinJudy is upset at Bill because she must always take the "bad-cop" role with the kids while Bill always gets to be "good cop." Bill feels Judy should lighten up. The roles end up switched and Judy loves it while Bill hates having to clean up the kids' messes while Judy relaxes in the bathtub and gets plenty of sleep for a change. Bill concedes to Judy's point but she refuses to change back, so he drops the bad-cop role so both of them are the good cop. While the kids run amok, Bill predicts that Judy will "blink first." A couple of incidents with Lauren and Brian finally make Bill and Judy realize that "bad cop" is a good thing.
- DirectorJohn TracyStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinAs Brian is happily decked out in his new cheerleader sweater, Lauren is bummed. She used to be popular, but now in high school she's no longer getting accepted in anything she auditions for, lately the Fall dance show. Rather than have Lauren resort to taking up the clarinet again, Judy drags Bill to visit the school dance teacher. While there, Bill meets up with Madelyne the new drama teacher, a former classmate with whom Bill had a passionate summer fling 20 years ago. Following this happy reunion, Lauren gets a small part in the school play. Coincidence? Bill doesn't think so, not with a note from Madelyne asking for help back stage, a comment about a lot of catching up to do, and an offer of chili and beer at her house at night. Bill wearily avoids going to Madelyne's, and Lauren's monologue is thereafter cut from the show. Still a coincidence? Being told something of their past relationship, Judy immediately sends Bill back to flirt with Madelyne for the sake of their daughter, and Lauren winds up with a bigger role in the show. All a coincidence? Maybe, but will several revelations of that "Free Pass" summer, as Judy proclaims it, bring down the curtain on Lauren's stage career?
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinAs Bill's 40th birthday approaches, Brian's issues of a delicate and personal nature become issues of trust after Bill discloses complete details of their recent man to man talk to Judy.
- DirectorGerry CohenStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinBill and Judy intentionally and unintentionally interfere with Brian and Lauren's personal lives. After it backfires, they try to fix their mistakes.
- DirectorBob KoherrStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinJudy gets alarming news from her doctor and gets the impulse to write a heartfelt farewell letter to Bill, just in case should the worst happen. She asks Bill to do the same, but he doesn't quite have the talent as a wordsmith so he has to seek alternative options of coming up with the letter...
- DirectorJohn TracyStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinAfter Judy expresses a desire to have a better relationship with Bill's mother, Louise dupes her into accepting a cruise invitation. Meanwhile, Brian and Lauren compete to be the entertainment at Tina's birthday party.
- DirectorJohn TracyStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinBrian is dating the school wallflower Brenda, but is also interested in the hot Kaitlin. Bill tells him how to "pull a Murphy": he used to date the school wallflower, which made him seem sensitive, and therefore interesting, in the eyes of the hot "school slut". Bill then broke up with the wallflower and got together with the "slut". Brian has a problem: his conscience does not allow him to pull a Murphy on Brenda. To his surprise, a solution presents itself, when Brian learns that Kaitlin would like a boyfriend like him AND he has to break up with Brenda because she is moving away - a "perfect Murphy", in Bill's words. But the surprise is not the last one...
- DirectorMark CendrowskiStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinEach caught by their wives with the tape, Bill and Fitz blame each other, but when their wives reconcile from a past grievance, their web of lies threatens to unravel.
- DirectorJan de BontStarsHelen HuntBill PaxtonCary ElwesTwo storm chasers on the brink of divorce must work together to create an advanced weather alert system by putting themselves in the cross-hairs of extremely violent tornadoes.
- DirectorRussell NormanStarsNick CannonMonet CunninghamJessica Guadix"America's Got Talent" returned for a fourth season on Tuesday night, and it was less than 30 seconds into the opening montage before there was a Susan Boyle sighting. New host Nick Cannon, replacing Jerry Springer -- who'd replaced Regis Philbin two years ago -- promised the biggest and baddest season to date, and we got started with a two-hour season premiere. The stakes once again are a $1 million grand prize and a chance to perform in Las Vegas. The unruly crowd was back for the audition round, which started in New York City. A singer and dancer named Ray Schwarz got it all started for the summer season. Poor Ray was doomed from the start, hitting notes that were as wobbly as his dance moves. A montage of bad performances followed, ending on a hot note when a fire dancer's hair went up in flames and stage hands had to run out on stage with extinguishers to put out the blaze. Just like that, we were whisked away to Chicago, where we found Moses Lam, who claimed to have a talent that could only be done by him. He warned viewers not to try it at home. His talent: walking with his feet turned a full 180 degrees. He was sent home. A dance group calling themselves the Footwork Kings came on with an inspiring story about getting out of a bad neighborhood and following their dream. The Chicago crew put on an impressive display of high-speed choreography that brought the crowd to its feet instantly. The judges loved it and put the group through -- the first "yes" vote of the season, 20 minutes in. And what inspiring story on "America's Got Talent" would be complete without R. Kelly's "I Believe I Can Fly" playing in the background? The "C'mon Get Happy" soundtrack could only mean one thing -- a family act from Wisconsin named Shine was up next. They butchered "Walking on Sunshine," and David and Piers X'd them quickly, but Sharon held out and let them finish. Another montage of bad acts followed. Peter Peterkin, a Barack Obama impersonator calling himself "The Rock n Roll President." After a funny intro, he launched into James Brown. Peter said he does about 300 impersonations and plays about 15 instruments. The crowd was chanting for him to be sent to the next round in Vegas, and the judges finally relented and put him through. Forty minutes in, two "yes" votes. But the Obama impersonator brought hope with him, kicking off a group of acts that were put through by the judges, including a percussion group, a vocal percussionist and a dance group. Debbie Victor said she had a talent that would blow the judges away, which rarely turns out to be true. She went on stage and said she does animal sounds. It took about two seconds of Debbie's barking dog for Sharon to hit her "X" button. Tony Hoard, a factory worker with an impressive friend, Rory, took the stage and put on an amazing display. Rory is Tony's Australian shepherd, and was trained to catch Frisbees tossed in any manner of ways. The crowd roared its approval and Tony and Rory were on their way to Vegas. The auditions moved on to Seattle -- technically Tacoma, but few people outside the Pacific Northwest would get the distinction. Brad Byers said his dream was to leave his job and perform full-time. His skill: putting things through his nostrils. First, he put a large hook through his left nostril and coiled it through his throat and out of his mouth. Then, he pulled out an electric drill and put it through his nose. Sound bizarre? Then, how about the fact that Piers and The Hoff voted to put him through to Vegas. The acts got even stranger as the Seattle audition wore on, but a trio of sisters were ready to unleash their singing skills. The EriAm Sisters, ages 11 to 15, thrilled the audience with their rendition of the Jackson 5's "I Want You Back." The Hoff said they were the most talented group of kids he's seen on the show "since the beginning." They're on to Vegas. A tumbling group, an urban choir and a fire act all got green lights. A guy named David Johnson performed an original song about a crush he'd developed while watching "Baywatch" in high school. It was all about his admiration for David Hasselhoff. After "X"-ing him early in the performance, The Hoff gave the guy a "yes," but Sharon said she couldn't stand to hear that song again, but Piers let David through to Vegas. It was an "America's Got Talent" love story when aerialist Bruce and his assistant (and soul mate) Simone took the stage. The act consisted of the soul mates writhing around on each other inside a suspended hoop, a device Nick said he might have to get for his bedroom. The Hoff said no, but Sharon said yes. Piers said yes, and they were going to be hooping it up in Vegas. And it was back to New York, where the NYC Gay Men's Choir got things started on a positive note. Joseph Maracina said his impersonation skills were unmatched. He was right, but probably not in the way he'd hoped. It was a resounding no from the judges. A married acrobatic dance duo calling themselves "Paradizo Dance" stunned the crowd with some moves that involved the wife lifting her husband, who was at least twice her size. Piers asked, flat out, how much they each weighed. Her: 100 pounds. Him: 240. Piers said it was one of the most extraordinary things he'd ever seen in his life. With 10 minutes left and one act remaining and soft piano music playing, it was time for the most heart-warming story of the night -- and this one didn't disappoint. The family group called themselves Voices of Glory -- two brothers ages 16 and 13, and their 9-year-old little sister. The oldest brother explained that their mother was in a head-on collision with a drunk driver and they started singing to her as a group when she slipped into a coma. Their mother made it through and was in the wings of the stage watching her kids wow the crowd with their harmonies on "God Bless America." The audience and the judges rose to their feet in applause and Sharon cried. Piers called them "the pride of America, tonight." Their mother was brought on stage in her wheelchair and Sharon wept as she told their mother how proud she must be of her children. The judges gave a unanimous yes, with Piers calling it one of the most powerful moments the show has ever seen.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinThough Bill gripes about Judy's constant nagging and under-appreciation to his poker buddies, Judy's sudden arrival, happily serving them beer and pizza, proves how easy Bill really has it. Judy releases her well-founded frustrations over Bill to her sympathetic hairdresser, Gary, whom Judy's gone to for nine years. Bill's early arrival to pick her up invades "Judy time." While she's under the dryer, Bill offends Gary by telling him what a great "racket" this "rip-off" artist runs. Judy thereafter finds herself unable to book another appointment. Upon learning the reason, she immediately sends Bill to apologize to Gary. Gary not only accepts Bill's apology but gives him a free hair treatment with complimentary back massage. Bill clearly responds to the therapeutic aspects of Gary's service and quickly becomes a regular client, but Judy resents this invasion of her special time away from home and family problems. They try staggering appointments but it doesn't work out, so they finally draw cards to see who will continue with Gary. Bill's king beats Judy's jack until Bill has to admit to his poker buddies what they're playing for. Lost among all this is Brian trying to bring an attractive girl to the house for a study session.
- DirectorAndrew D. WeymanStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinLauren is promoted to Honors Science, but Bill and Judy do her assignments.
- DirectorRandy CordrayStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinLauren writes a paper her role model; aunt Linda. Judy feels unfulfilled because she's not the creative type. Bill makes an effort to stop insulting Linda.
- DirectorJohn TracyStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinDuring a potluck at Lauren's boyfriend's house, Bill and Judy unknowingly buy tickets to his parent's church production of Godspell. They lie to get out of going but then run into the Dad on their way to Ozzfest.
- DirectorJoel MurrayStarsMark AddyJami GertzJennifer IrwinLauren wants to go to a under-21 club but Judy won't let her go. There is a picture of Lauren and her father on the newspaper, except that the man in picture is actually Becca's dad. Judy concludes that Bill isn't spending enough time (or, more precisely, no time at all) with Lauren and Bill agrees to do something with Lauren. Not surprisingly, they find they have nothing to talk about, so they hatch a plan to make Judy think they have spent time together. Meanwhile, Judy can't resist trying out Linda's wedding gown.
- DirectorRob SchillerStarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiPatton OswaltDoug's bowling team bowls just for fun and is financially supported by the local ale house, but now they threaten to no longer support them if they continue to be on a constant losing streak.
- DirectorRob SchillerStarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiPatton OswaltThe Christmas season is upon Doug and Carrie and they decide they should invest in stock, but they soon feel the joys and stresses of it. Arthur wants to decorate the house with more Christmas items.
- DirectorRob SchillerStarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiPatton OswaltWhen Danny reveals he is getting married, Doug gets stuck being the best man at the last second, and must throw Danny a bachelor party.
- DirectorRob SchillerStarsKevin JamesLeah ReminiPatton OswaltIt's Doug's high school football reunion and he boasts about his famous block. But everyone besides him remembers his now handicapped ex-team mate (Pat Finn) making the block. Doug tries to find proof on some old tapes.