Remakes that stink to high heaven
Counting down the worst remakes in Hollywood History
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- DirectorJohn McTiernanStarsChris KleinJean RenoLL Cool JThe big thing in 2005 is a violent sport which can have some pretty serious consequences... like dying.John Mctiernan should have been locked up for this awful travesty
- DirectorGus Van SantStarsVince VaughnAnne HecheJulianne MooreA young female embezzler arrives at the Bates Motel, which has terrible secrets of its own.Let's remake Alfred Hitchcock's classic shot for shot in color
- DirectorJohn FrankenheimerRichard StanleyStarsDavid ThewlisMarlon BrandoVal KilmerAfter being rescued and brought to an island, a man discovers that its inhabitants are experimental animals being turned into strange-looking humans, all of it the work of a visionary doctor.Dreadful acting, cheap looking costume designs and a plodding pace.
The 1977 version with Michael York is head and shoulders above this rancid remake. - DirectorTim BurtonStarsMark WahlbergHelena Bonham CarterTim RothIn 2029, an Air Force astronaut crash-lands on a mysterious planet where evolved, talking apes dominate a race of primitive humans.I love Tim Burton with a passion but he is no shotgun-for-hire director and this is so apparent here.
- DirectorTim BurtonStarsJohnny DeppFreddie HighmoreDavid KellyCharlie, a young boy from an impoverished family, and four other kids win a tour of an amazing chocolate factory run by an imaginative chocolatier, Willy Wonka, and his staff of Oompa-Loompas.Tim Burton, stop with the remakes already!!! This was just as bad as Planet Of The Apes.
- DirectorRob ZombieStarsScout Taylor-ComptonMalcolm McDowellTyler ManeAfter being committed for 15 years, Michael Myers, now a grown man and still very dangerous, escapes from the mental institution and immediately returns to Haddonfield to find his baby sister, Laurie.I Like Rob Zombie but Halloween doesn't need a poor white trash makeover.
- DirectorMarcus NispelStarsJessica BielJonathan TuckerAndrew BryniarskiAfter picking up a traumatized young hitchhiker, five friends find themselves stalked and hunted by a deformed chainsaw-wielding loon and his family of equally psychopathic killers.So all Leatherface needed was some skin cream? Interesting.
- DirectorStephen KayStarsSylvester StalloneRachael Leigh CookMiranda RichardsonA Las Vegas mob enforcer travels back to his hometown to investigate his brother's mysterious death.Stallone as Jack Carter? Yeah, I'll buy that.
- DirectorTodd PhillipsStarsBilly Bob ThorntonJon HederJacinda BarrettA young guy short on luck enrolls in a class to build confidence to help win over the girl of his dreams, which becomes complicated when it turns out his teacher has the same agenda.Doesn't know whether it wants to be dark or satirical. At least the original knew what it wanted to be,
- DirectorSam WeismanStarsSteve MartinGoldie HawnJohn CleeseThe remake of the 1970 Neil Simon comedy follows the adventures of married couple Henry and Nancy Clark as they are vexed by misfortune while in New York City for a job interview.When John Cleese playing a drag queen is the funniest part of a movie you're in trouble
- DirectorJohn SingletonStarsSamuel L. JacksonVanessa WilliamsChristian BaleNew York City police detective John Shaft (nephew of the original 1970s detective) goes on a personal mission to make sure the son of a real estate tycoon is brought to justice after a racially-motivated murder.This is a bad mother shut your mouth. I was only talking about this bad remake of Shaft.
- DirectorDave MeyersStarsSean BeanSophia BushZachary KnightonA couple from college get caught in a dangerous game of cat and mouse with a psychopathic hitchhiker and the police after witnessing a murder and being framed.Stick with the Rutger Hauer version.
- DirectorJohn MooreStarsLiev SchreiberJulia StilesSeamus Davey-FitzpatrickAn American official realizes that his young son may literally be the Devil incarnate.Glossy and unnecessary
- DirectorBob SpiersStarsChristina RicciDoug E. DougDean JonesA maid is kidnapped and scratches a message onto D.C. the cat's collar and when his owner Patti discovers this, she plays amateur detective with the help of D.C. to try to find the culprits.Doug E Doug is the only thing amusing about this painfully bland remake
- DirectorAndy CadiffStarsChristopher McDonaldJanine TurnerCameron FinleyTheodore "Beaver" Cleaver, age 8, has misadventures and learns life lessons in this entertaining, hilarious tale of a small-town Ohio family and the daily trials of life.No, Wally I dont like this one at all!
- DirectorNeil LaButeStarsChris RockMartin LawrenceKeith DavidA funeral ceremony turns into a debacle of exposed family secrets and misplaced bodies.Dreadfully boring and extremely unfunny. Am I the only one that sees how pointless it is to remake a movie that came out in 2007???
- DirectorBrian LevantStarsJohn GoodmanRick MoranisRosie O'DonnellIn a parallel modern-day Stone Age world, a working-class family, the Flintstones, are set up for an executive job. But they learn that money can't buy happiness.What a pile of dinosaur dung!
- DirectorKenneth BranaghStarsMichael CaineJude LawHarold PinterOn his sprawling country estate, an aging writer matches wits with the struggling actor who has stolen his wife's heart.A big waste of top notch talent and time!!!
- DirectorSamuel BayerStarsJackie Earle HaleyRooney MaraKyle GallnerThe spectre of a disfigured man haunts the children of the parents who murdered him, stalking and killing them in their dreams.Instantly forgettable remake from and music director. And Rorschach will never be Freddy Krueger!
- DirectorNora EphronStarsNicole KidmanWill FerrellShirley MacLaineThinking he can overshadow an unknown actress in the part, an egocentric actor unknowingly gets a witch cast in an upcoming television remake of the classic sitcom Bewitched (1964).Classic example of a Follywood movie thinking that its smarter than it really is
- DirectorNeil LaButeStarsNicolas CageEllen BurstynLeelee SobieskiA sheriff investigating the disappearance of a young girl from a small island discovers there's a larger mystery to solve among the island's secretive, neo-pagan community.Not the beeeeesss! Aaaaahhhhhhh!!!!
- DirectorRupert WainwrightStarsTom WellingMaggie GraceSelma BlairA thick mist full of vengeful spirits haunts a prosperous island town off the coast of Oregon, as its inhabitants try to learn their town's dark secret in order to stop it.The Fog for the MTV crowd
- DirectorGlen MorganStarsMichelle TrachtenbergMary Elizabeth WinsteadLacey ChabertOn Christmas Eve, an escaped maniac returns to his childhood home, which is now a sorority house, and begins to murder the sorority sisters one by one.Terrible and the Lenz family look like Garbage Pail Kids rejects
- DirectorMitchell AltieriPhil FloresStarsTaylor ColeJosh HendersonScout Taylor-ComptonA year after an April Fool's Day prank which resulted in the death of one of their set, a group of friends find themselves targeted by someone who is out for revenge.Horrible acting, dull, went straight to DVD for a reason!
- DirectorNelson McCormickStarsBrittany SnowScott PorterJessica StroupDonna's senior prom is supposed to be the best night of her life, though a sadistic killer from her past has different plans for her and her friends.At least the original had mystery to who the killer was. This one you know who the killer is right off the bat and he is about as scary as Mickey Mouse!
- DirectorNelson McCormickStarsPenn BadgleyDylan WalshSela WardMichael Harding (Penn Badgely) returns home from military school to find his mother Susan (Sela Ward) happily in love and living with her new boyfriend David (Dylan Walsh). As the two men get to know each other, he becomes more and more suspicious of the man who is always there to help.Its as if the Disney Channel tried their hand at horror...and failed!
- DirectorCharles Robert CarnerStarsViggo MortensenChristine EliseSteve RailsbackAn ex race car driver hurries 1200 miles home in a 1970 Challenger when his wife has labor problems. Cops in several states try to stop him - initially for speeding.Lacks everything that made the 1970 original special and why does Viggo Mortensen looked sloshed throughout this movie?
- DirectorEric ValetteStarsEdward BurnsShannyn SossamonAna Claudia TalancónSeveral people start receiving voice-mails from their future selves - messages which include the date, time, and some of the details of their deaths.Easily the worst remake of an Asian horror film ever produced.
- DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.The most pointless remake this side of Gus Van Sant's Psycho.