My Top 5 worst films of 2013

Only God Forgives is my #1 worst film of 2013 not only because it's bad, but because I was looking forward to it so much.

I was a huge fan of Nicolas Winding Refn's previous film Drive and I'm an equally big fan of Ryan Gosling's work. Unfortunately, Refn decided it was more important to compose the perfect shot or fill the frame with impeccably fine tuned lighting. That stuff is great, but you have to have a story too.

Gosling is wasted here as well. He barely has any dialogue and most scenes consist of him just brooding at the camera, almost like the director is saying, "Look at this guy, he's so cool he doesn't even have to say anything."

Only God Forgives is one of the worst films of the year and it could have also been #1 on my most disappointing films of the year list.

I think Refn is a talented director and I look forward to his next project, but you can't just have style. There has to be a little substance too.

Where do I begin? I guess I will just start with some back story and a little Die Hard history lesson.

I was 8 when Die Hard came out. The franchise has had a profound impact on my life as a fan of movies. I consider it the best action movie of all time. It's the kind of film I've been watching since I was a kid (probably too young, but that's a debate for my parents to have) and it never gets old.

Die Hard 2 has some detractors, but it's a film I also enjoy. Die Hard: With a Vengeance is also an enjoyable film for me. Sam Jackson and Bruce Willis running around NYC looking for a terrorist? What's not to like?

Then came Die Hard 4, or as I like to call it, "the one where they turned John McClane into a superhero." I didn't enjoy that film, but it's Citizen Kane compared to A Good Day to Die Hard.

A Good Day to Die Hard is a film that only exists to make money off of a recognizable franchise. The script is a stock script taken off a shelf and fashioned into a Die Hard movie, with only the name of the main character copy and pasted.

There's nothing else in the film that feels like Die Hard. Here we are introduced to McClane's son who happens to be a CIA badass who happens to be in Russia the same time his father is visiting (why the *beep* are we in Russia?) McClane's son is played by Jai Courtney, or a cardboard cutout. I'm not quite sure.

Soon John McClane is jumping from rooftops and falling through 5 story buildings only to land on his back and turn to the camera for a witty line.

A far cry from the original film where McClane is picking shards of glass from his feet. Gritting his teeth from the pain and choking back tears. That's a real person. I don't know who this person is. Maybe he's a robot or an alien that has taken over John McClane's body. Hey, maybe that's what the next inevitable installment in the franchise will be.

I just love this franchise so much and I believe John McClane deserves a better send off. I actually have a great idea for a Die Hard film that would restore McClane to his previous self and end the franchise in a perfect way. Hell, it can't be any worse than the last two films.

Let me make this clear, I understand that Movie 43 wasn't trying to win an Oscar. It's supposed to be bad and it knows it, but it also has to be funny.

I'm far from a prude, so the subject matter doesn't bother me. It's just that it's been done before. Boobs and balls are funny, but you have to have more than that. Movie 43 has nothing else up its sleeve. It's the same jokes over and over and it just gets old.

It also seems like Movie 43's objective was to put tons of respectable actors in the film and use it as a gimmick. Like saying, "Did you see what we just made Kate Winslet say and do? She's won a *beep* Oscar! How funny is that?"

It's not funny. Go away.

Oh, boy. What a mess. I love sci-fi films and I love anything that's different, but Upside Down just didn't work for me. It's certainly an interesting and ambitious idea and I can applaud that, but it's just not executed properly.

Unfortunately, Upside Down just comes off as silly. Some scenes are actually annoying to watch as you are literally watching people talk while they are upside down. I just felt the need to turn my head to view them properly. So annoying.

The other part of the film is that it's colorless. The whole film is blue and grey. I swear the color palette of the film is blue, dark blue and darker blue. It's just so gloomy and lifeless.

The love story is also unoriginal and cliche and I'm starting to think that Kirsten Dunst only takes roles where she can make out with a guy that's upside down.

I remember seeing the trailer for Now You See Me and thinking that it looked really interesting. It had a great cast and an interesting premise, but the entire film exists just to pull off a twist.

A twist that makes no sense and causes the whole film to collapse upon itself. The important part of a twist is that you can play along and try and figure it out.

For example, at the end of Sixth Sense everybody was surprised by the twist. Most people watched the film again and found little hints about the twist, which added to the film experience.

I dare you to watch Now You See Me again and find any clues or hints about the twist. A twist can't exist for the sole purpose of fooling the audience. It has to make sense and it has to be plausible. It also has to allow the audience to play along.

Now You See Me robs you of this. The film had potential, or maybe that was just an illusion too.