Not for Children Anymore
There are a LOT of movies out there, cherished favorites that I remember watching as a kid. They were some of my childhood favorites. But today they would have elements that are deemed too intense for younger viewers, scenes that would be cut because of violence, foul language, or just because they were creepy.
It could that I didn't grow up in a wholesome Disney household, but I don't see the problem in any of these today. In fact, I have gotten in trouble for showing "Bill & Ted" in a high school history class as a post final cool down.
So here they are childhood favorites that my sister & friends watched as children but would NOT let their kids watch them today.
It could that I didn't grow up in a wholesome Disney household, but I don't see the problem in any of these today. In fact, I have gotten in trouble for showing "Bill & Ted" in a high school history class as a post final cool down.
So here they are childhood favorites that my sister & friends watched as children but would NOT let their kids watch them today.
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- DirectorRichard DonnerStarsSean AstinJosh BrolinJeff CohenA group of young misfits called The Goonies discover an ancient map and set out on an adventure to find a legendary pirate's long-lost treasure.Sloth, in today's world, would be too intense. Not to mention the foul language & the bones of One-Eyed Willie would be enough to turn "The Goonies" into a crap film if it were made today, or a movie marketed at teenagers.
- DirectorJoe DanteStarsZach GalliganPhoebe CatesHoyt AxtonA young man inadvertently breaks three important rules concerning his new pet and unleashes a horde of malevolently mischievous monsters on a small town.Today, Gremlins would just be too frightening for the audience it had when I was a child. In order to make it work with the new morality, they would have to up the blood & gore & market it to adults, thus killing the movie.
- DirectorJoe DanteChuck JonesStarsZach GalliganPhoebe CatesHowie MandelThe Gremlins are back, and this time, they've taken control of a New York City media mogul's high-tech skyscraper.It is lighter than the first, but still not light enough for children today.
- DirectorFred DekkerStarsAndre GowerRobby KigerStephen MachtA group of young monster fanatics attempts to save their hometown from Count Dracula and his monsters.This suffers from the same scary factor that Gremlins & Goonies do & then there are the nard jokes which I loved when I was a kid but parent's wouldn't tolerate today.
This is not to mention the heart-to-heart the father has while smoking the cigarette. And the virgin, or even the use of the word. - DirectorTim BurtonStarsPaul ReubensElizabeth DailyMark HoltonWhen eccentric man-child Pee-wee Herman gets his beloved bike stolen in broad daylight, he sets out across the U.S. on the adventure of his life.Big Bertha would have been cut entirely along with anything even remotely disturbing.
- DirectorStephen HerekStarsKeanu ReevesAlex WinterGeorge CarlinTwo rock-'n-rolling teens, on the verge of failing their class, set out on a quest to make the ultimate school history report after being presented with a time machine.Outside of the "69" joke, there is no way a kids movie about two slacker teens would get a green light today. not unless you turned Bill & Ted into ten-year-olds & made the movie sappy instead of funny.
- DirectorPeter HewittStarsKeanu ReevesAlex WinterWilliam SadlerA tyrant from the future creates evil android doubles of Bill and Ted and sends them back to eliminate the originals.See above
- DirectorRon HowardStarsVal KilmerJoanne WhalleyWarwick DavisA young farmer is chosen to undertake a perilous journey in order to protect a special baby from an evil queen.Movies might have become more violent today, but kids movies have become far less violent. There is no way that Willow would have had the childhood audience it did when it was released, those movies are ONLY for adults now.
- DirectorMartha CoolidgeStarsVal KilmerStacy PeraltaDaniel AdesAn uptight teenage prodigy enters a top engineering college, but feels awkward among the freewheeling students. When a professor aims to turn their laser project into a military weapon, he and his offbeat roommate plot to ruin the plan.There is a hint of sexual content but no nudity, today you would be a bad parent if you let your kid watch this movie. When I was a kid Dad & I used to watch it all the time, it was one of our favorite films.
- DirectorJohn HughesStarsAnthony Michael HallIlan Mitchell-SmithKelly LeBrockTwo high-school nerds use a computer program to literally create the perfect woman, who promptly turns their lives upside-down.Too much sex
- DirectorRichard MarquandStarsMark HamillHarrison FordCarrie FisherAfter rescuing Han Solo from Jabba the Hutt, the Rebel Alliance attempt to destroy the second Death Star, while Luke struggles to help Darth Vader back from the dark side.There is no way a movie for kids would have had a Princess wearing that bikini. In 1983 no one really cared, today it would probably get an R rating for the bikini alone.
- DirectorSteven SpielbergStarsHenry ThomasDrew BarrymorePeter CoyoteA troubled child summons the courage to help a friendly alien escape from Earth and return to his home planet.Well, for starters you have a kid that gets drunk & you have an alien that gets drunk. You would have neither if it were made today. And then there is the kiss between two minors, funny then, scandalous now, & the fact the the boy & alien start to get seriously sick.
All of those are reason enough that E.T. would not be made today. - DirectorRobert ZemeckisStarsBob HoskinsChristopher LloydJoanna CassidyWhen a cartoon rabbit is accused of murder, he enlists the help of a burnt out private investigator to prove his innocence.In 1988 a "boobie trap" was funny. So was patty-cake & a cartoon rabbit that loses it with a shot of whiskey. And the Dip was really cool, but the Dip killed cartoons, the heroes can't drink today & Jessica would be too much of a sex symbol for a movie marketed towards children.
- DirectorJim HensonStarsDavid BowieJennifer ConnellyToby FroudSixteen-year-old Sarah must solve a labyrinth to rescue her baby brother when he is taken by the Goblin King.Great movie, too frightening for children today.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsTom CruiseMia SaraTim CurryA young man must stop the Lord of Darkness from destroying daylight and marrying the woman he loves.Too disturbing for today's kids.
- DirectorIvan ReitmanStarsBill MurrayDan AykroydSigourney WeaverThree parapsychologists forced out of their university funding set up shop as a unique ghost removal service in New York City, attracting frightened yet skeptical customers.Too disturbing for today's kids. Too much bad language. Too many sex jokes. A sexual situation. Today's Ghostbusters would suck compared to 1984s
- DirectorMichael GottliebStarsAndrew McCarthyKim CattrallEstelle GettyA young artist, searching for his vocation, makes a mannequin so perfect he falls in love with it. Finding the mannequin in a store window, he gets a job there and his creation comes to life.Too much sex & even with a push to stop homophobia today there is no way a hairdresser that flaming would be in a movie anyone would let their kids watch
- DirectorRob ReinerStarsWil WheatonRiver PhoenixCorey FeldmanA writer recounts a childhood journey with his friends to find the body of a missing boy.If you think a group of kids on a mission to see a dead body would be green lighted today you are insane, nevermind the vomiting story.
- DirectorWolfgang PetersenStarsNoah HathawayBarret OliverTami StronachA troubled boy dives into a wondrous fantasy world through the pages of a mysterious book.Today, too frightening for kids
- DirectorJoe DanteStarsTom HanksBruce DernCarrie FisherAn overstressed suburbanite and his neighbors are convinced that the new family on the block is part of a murderous Satanic cult.It's a femur. I want to kill everyone, Satan is good, Satan is our pal. No way, today, a comedy about the homicidal murders in the suburbs would be a horror movie strictly for adults.
- DirectorMichael RitchieStarsEddie MurphyJ.L. ReateCharles DanceA private detective specializing in missing children is charged with the task of finding a special child whom dark forces want to eliminate.Not with a comment about getting raped by a dragon
- DirectorBarry LevinsonStarsRobin WilliamsForest WhitakerTom T. TranIn 1965, an unorthodox and irreverent DJ named Adrian Cronauer begins to shake up things when he is assigned to the U.S. Armed Services radio station in Vietnam.Way too many swear words for today
- DirectorTodd HollandStarsFred SavageLuke EdwardsJenny LewisA boy and his brother run away from home and hitch cross-country, with help from a girl they meet, to compete in the ultimate video-game championship.If the Swear words aren't enough than the plot about kids running away from home would kill it today
- DirectorIvan ReitmanStarsArnold SchwarzeneggerDanny DeVitoKelly PrestonA physically perfect but innocent man goes in search of his long-lost twin brother, who is short, a womanizer, and small-time crook.Too many swears & sexual situations with no nudity would be enough to market it only to adults today.
- DirectorRichard DonnerStarsMatthew BroderickRutger HauerMichelle PfeifferThe thief Gaston escapes the dungeon of medieval Aquila through the latrine. Soldiers are about to kill him when Navarre saves him. Navarre, traveling with his spirited hawk, plans to kill the bishop of Aquila with help from Gaston.Too violent & too disturbing for todays children, fine for kids in the 80s
- DirectorFrank OzStarsRick MoranisEllen GreeneVincent GardeniaA nerdy florist finds his chance for success and romance with the help of a giant man-eating plant who demands to be fed.Too disturbing. Today, horror movies geared towards comedies for children will not make the grade.
- DirectorDavid S. WardStarsTom BerengerCharlie SheenCorbin BernsenThe new owner of the Cleveland Indians puts together a purposely horrible team so they'll lose and she can move the team. But when the plot is uncovered, they start winning just to spite her.It's a language thing & a smoking thing & a little sexual situation thing & I seriously doubt there would be any voodoo in a movie that children are allowed to watch.
- DirectorHarold RamisStarsChevy ChaseBeverly D'AngeloImogene CocaThe Griswold family's cross-country drive to the Walley World theme park proves to be much more arduous than they ever anticipated.Too much sex. Too many swears. Someone dies. There is a reference to pot, a kid drinks a beer, & we hear a masturbation joke. No way would children be allowed to view this gem if it were made today, not until they turned 18.
- DirectorAmy HeckerlingStarsChevy ChaseBeverly D'AngeloDana HillThe Griswolds win a vacation tour across Europe where the usual havoc ensues.See above
- DirectorJeremiah S. ChechikStarsChevy ChaseBeverly D'AngeloJuliette LewisThe Griswold family's plans for a big family Christmas predictably turn into a big disaster.See above
- DirectorGarry MarshallStarsGoldie HawnKurt RussellEdward HerrmannA cruel but beautiful heiress mocks and cheats a hired carpenter. When she gets amnesia after an accident, he decides to introduce her to regular life by convincing her that they're husband and wife.If it isn't the swear words it would be the bikini
- DirectorRick RosenthalStarsWhip HubleyJoaquin PhoenixPeter BillingsleyA group of American boys and a shipwrecked Russian sailor become friends during the Cold War.It's totally a period movie, but there is no way we would make the same movie about one of the "terrorists" today.
- DirectorRichard DonnerStarsBill MurrayKaren AllenJohn ForsytheA selfish, cynical television executive is haunted by three spirits bearing lessons on Christmas Eve.Swear words, a scary looking Christmas future, the shotgun at the start of the movie, a dead man in the sewer, there is enough here to turn this Christmas classic into 18 & over if it came out today.
- DirectorJohn BadhamStarsAlly SheedySteve GuttenbergFisher StevensNumber 5 of a group of experimental robots in a lab is electrocuted, suddenly becomes intelligent, and escapes.Too many swears & too much violence for today's movies.
- DirectorLeonard NimoyStarsTom SelleckSteve GuttenbergTed DansonJack Holden and his friends, Peter and Michael, spend most of their time having flings with several women in their apartment. Their life changes when a mysterious baby appears at their doorstep.If you cut out the swears the fact that one of these guys had a baby out of wedlock would kill it today
- DirectorJohn LandisStarsEddie MurphyPaul BatesGarcelle BeauvaisAn extremely pampered African prince travels to Queens, New York and goes undercover to find a wife that he can respect for her intelligence and strong will.Swears, a Blow Job, "Would you like me to clean the royal penis" Yeah, this movie was awesome when I was a kid. But today's kids would never have seen it
- DirectorMel BrooksStarsMel BrooksJohn CandyRick MoranisA star-pilot for hire and his trusty sidekick must come to the rescue of a princess and save Planet Druidia from the clutches of the evil Spaceballs.When I was a kid, any Mel Brooks movie was fair game at the video store, as far as mom & dad were concerned. Today they are strictly for adults
- DirectorChristopher CainStarsEmilio EstevezKiefer SutherlandLou Diamond PhillipsA group of young gunmen, led by Billy the Kid, become deputies to avenge the murder of the rancher who became their benefactor. But when Billy takes their authority too far, they become the hunted.My father took me to see it with my friends when it came out. Now, with all the violence in it & the drug use, he would have been a bad parent.
- DirectorGeoff MurphyStarsEmilio EstevezKiefer SutherlandLou Diamond PhillipsBilly the Kid and his band of outlaws are pursued across New Mexico territory by Sheriff Pat Garrett, whom the young gunslingers must face-off with if they are to reach the safety of the border.See above, my friends & I loved "Young Guns" when we were kids. Dad took us all to see this one too
- DirectorRod DanielStarsMichael J. FoxJames HamptonSusan UrsittiAn ordinary high school student discovers that his family has an unusual pedigree.Too disturbing, too much sex. Too much violence. Too much horror. There is a reason why kids loved "Teen Wolf" in the 80s & the new tv show is made for adults.