Disappointments of 2013
A list of cinematic junk that was shat out last year.
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- DirectorSofia CoppolaStarsKatie ChangIsrael BroussardEmma WatsonInspired by actual events, a group of fame-obsessed teenagers use the internet to track celebrities' whereabouts in order to rob their homes.Trash. Total trash.
- DirectorJoshua Michael SternStarsAshton KutcherDermot MulroneyJosh GadThe story of Steve Jobs' ascension from college dropout into one of the most revered creative entrepreneurs of the 20th century.Never seen a biopic as bad as this.
- DirectorKimberly PeirceStarsChloë Grace MoretzJulianne MooreGabriella WildeA shy girl, outcast by her peers and sheltered by her religious mother, unleashes telekinetic terror on her small town after being pushed too far at her senior prom.A slow and painful murder of Brian de Palma's classic.
- DirectorJoseph Gordon-LevittStarsJoseph Gordon-LevittScarlett JohanssonJulianne MooreA New Jersey guy dedicated to his family, friends, and church, develops unrealistic expectations from watching porn and works to find happiness and intimacy with his potential true love.Gordon-Levitt should stick to acting. Directing is not his cup of tea.
- DirectorDavid TwohyStarsVin DieselKarl UrbanKatee SackhoffLeft for dead on a sun-scorched planet, Riddick finds himself up against an alien race of predators. Activating an emergency beacon alerts two ships: one carrying a new breed of mercenary, the other captained by a man from Riddick's past.Simply Riddickolous!
- DirectorLouis LeterrierStarsJesse EisenbergCommonMark RuffaloAn FBI agent and an Interpol detective track a team of illusionists who pull off bank heists during their performances, and reward their audiences with the money.
- DirectorJustin LinStarsVin DieselPaul WalkerDwayne JohnsonHobbs has Dominic and Brian reassemble their crew to take down a team of mercenaries, but Dominic unexpectedly gets sidetracked with facing his presumed deceased girlfriend, Letty.
- DirectorRobert RodriguezStarsDanny TrejoAlexa PenaVegaMel GibsonThe U.S. government recruits Machete to battle his way through Mexico in order to take down an arms dealer who looks to launch a weapon into space.It can't get any worse than this.
- DirectorBaltasar KormákurStarsDenzel WashingtonMark WahlbergPaula PattonTwo hardened criminals get into trouble with the US border patrol after meeting with a Mexican drug lord, and then revelations start to unfold.
- DirectorRoland EmmerichStarsChanning TatumJamie FoxxMaggie GyllenhaalWhile on a tour of the White House with his young daughter, a Capitol policeman springs into action to save his child and protect the president from a heavily armed group of paramilitary invaders.Another piece of garbage from a useless director.
- DirectorFede AlvarezStarsJane LevyShiloh FernandezJessica LucasFive friends head to a remote cabin, where the discovery of a Book of the Dead leads them to unwittingly summon up demons living in the nearby woods.LOL
- DirectorJohn MooreStarsBruce WillisJai CourtneySebastian KochJohn McClane travels to Russia to help out his seemingly wayward son, Jack, only to discover that Jack is a CIA operative working undercover, causing the father and son to team up against underworld forces.Even some Steven Seagal movies are better than this piece of trash.
- DirectorJohn LuessenhopStarsAlexandra DaddarioTania RaymondeScott EastwoodA young woman travels to Texas to collect an inheritance. Little does she know that an encounter with a chainsaw-wielding killer is part of the reward.Lulz. No explanation needed.
- DirectorAntoine FuquaStarsGerard ButlerAaron EckhartMorgan FreemanSecret Service agent Mike Banning finds himself trapped inside the White House in the wake of a terrorist attack and works with national security to rescue the President from his kidnappers.Common sense has also fallen.
- DirectorTodd PhillipsStarsBradley CooperZach GalifianakisEd HelmsWhen one of their own is kidnapped by an angry gangster, the Wolf Pack must track down Mr. Chow, who has escaped from prison and is on the run.
- DirectorTaylor HackfordStarsJason StathamJennifer LopezMichael ChiklisA thief with a unique code of professional ethics is double-crossed by his crew and left for dead. Assuming a new disguise and forming an unlikely alliance with a woman on the inside, he looks to hijack the score of the crew's latest heist.Jason Statham and Jennifer Lopez; you can already imagine how bad this film would've been.
- DirectorDon ManciniStarsChantal QuesnelleFiona DourifJordan GavarisAfter her mother's mysterious death, Nica begins to suspect that the talking, red-haired doll her visiting niece has been playing with may be the key to recent bloodshed and chaos.I don't have a valid justification for why I chose to watch this film. I plead guilty.
- DirectorPedro AlmodóvarStarsJavier CámaraPepa CharroCecilia RothWhen it appears as though the end is in sight, the pilots, flight crew, and passengers of a plane heading to Mexico City look to forget the anguish of the moment and face the greatest danger, which we carry within ourselves.A very very bad film for an acclaimed director like Pedro Almodovar. His worst film yet. Utterly disappointing.
- DirectorBJ McDonnellStarsDanielle HarrisKane HodderZach GalliganA search and recovery team heads into the haunted swamp to pick up the pieces, and Marybeth learns the secret to ending the voodoo curse that has left Victor Crowley haunting and terrorizing Honey Island Swamp for decades.1/10
- DirectorChandran RutnamStarsBen KingsleyBen CrossPatrick RutnamA terrorist plants several bombs throughout the city of Colombo, Sri Lanka and threatens to detonate them unless prisoners are released.This film is so bad that it is actually funny. Can you imagine that? A film that deals with terrorism coming out as a comedy. Ben Kingsley gives another strikingly bad performance in this piece of garbage from Sri Lanka.
- DirectorOliver HirschbiegelStarsNaomi WattsNaveen AndrewsCas AnvarDuring the last two years of her life, Princess Diana embarks on a final rite of passage: a secret love affair with Pakistani heart surgeon Hasnat Khan.Worthy competitor of 'Jobs' for the title of 'Worst Biopic of the Decade'.
- DirectorRidley ScottStarsMichael FassbenderPenélope CruzCameron DiazA lawyer finds himself in over his head when he gets involved in drug trafficking.It is not everyday that you see an acclaimed director (Scott) and an acclaimed writer (McCarthy) produce a pathetic film like this.
- DirectorMichael BayStarsMark WahlbergDwayne JohnsonAnthony MackieA trio of bodybuilders in Florida get caught up in an extortion ring and a kidnapping scheme that goes terribly wrong.Two words: Michael Bay.
- DirectorUwe BollStarsDominic PurcellErin KarplukEdward FurlongJim, an average New Yorker, lives with a sick but loving wife. Suddenly, everything changes when the economy crashes and causes him to lose everything. Filled with anger and rage, Jim goes to seek revenge for the life taken from him.A 'Shawshank' by Uwe Boll's standards. But still really bad.