Cinematic abortions
by BobJenkinsPhD | created - 02 Jun 2014 | updated - 11 Nov 2017 | PublicOperation Donald Trump: Flagellating Juggernaut from Hell (Now with 20% less lubrication)
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1. 3 Ninjas: High Noon at Mega Mountain (1998)
PG | 93 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
The three unstoppable Ninja brothers fight to save their hero (Hulk Hogan) and Mega Mountain Amusement Park from the vicious kid-hating Medusa (Loni Anderson).
Director: Sean McNamara | Stars: Loni Anderson, Hulk Hogan, Jim Varney, Victor Wong
Votes: 12,400 | Gross: $0.38M
2. Envy (2004)
PG-13 | 99 min | Comedy
A man becomes increasingly jealous of his friend's newfound success.
Director: Barry Levinson | Stars: Ben Stiller, Jack Black, Rachel Weisz, Amy Poehler
Votes: 32,307 | Gross: $12.18M
3. Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen (2004)
PG | 89 min | Comedy, Family, Music
A teenage girl is convinced that her home city revolves around her until her family packs up and moves to the suburbs, where she finds herself competing for attention.
Director: Sara Sugarman | Stars: Lindsay Lohan, Megan Fox, Adam Garcia, Glenne Headly
Votes: 31,308 | Gross: $29.33M
4. The Master of Disguise (2002)
PG | 80 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family
An Italian waiter fights off a criminal mastermind with his inherited powers of disguise.
Director: Perry Andelin Blake | Stars: Dana Carvey, Jennifer Esposito, Harold Gould, James Brolin
Votes: 27,261 | Gross: $40.36M
5. Disaster Movie (2008)
PG-13 | 87 min | Comedy, Sci-Fi
Over the course of one evening, an unsuspecting group of twenty-somethings find themselves bombarded by a series of natural disasters and catastrophic events.
Directors: Jason Friedberg, Aaron Seltzer | Stars: Carmen Electra, Vanessa Lachey, Nicole Parker, Matt Lanter
Votes: 94,534 | Gross: $14.19M
6. Simon Sez (1999)
PG-13 | 85 min | Action, Comedy
Basketball superstar Dennis Rodman stars as a hip Interpol agent attempting to defeat the deadly plans of a crazed arms dealer.
Director: Kevin Alyn Elders | Stars: Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook, John Pinette, Ricky Harris
Votes: 7,152 | Gross: $0.29M
7. I Spy (2002)
PG-13 | 97 min | Action, Adventure, Comedy
A professional athlete has to help a U.S. government agent recover a missing jet.
Director: Betty Thomas | Stars: Eddie Murphy, Owen Wilson, Famke Janssen, Malcolm McDowell
Votes: 53,428 | Gross: $33.56M
8. Flubber (1997)
PG | 93 min | Comedy, Family, Sci-Fi
An absent-minded professor discovers "flubber," a rubber-like super-bouncy substance.
Director: Les Mayfield | Stars: Robin Williams, Marcia Gay Harden, Christopher McDonald, Ted Levine
Votes: 94,615 | Gross: $92.98M
9. Mr. Magoo (1997)
PG | 87 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family
The myopic millionaire defeats jewel smugglers in his usual bumbling manner.
Director: Stanley Tong | Stars: Leslie Nielsen, Kelly Lynch, Matt Keeslar, Nick Chinlund
Votes: 16,155 | Gross: $21.38M
10. The Tuxedo (2002)
PG-13 | 98 min | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi
A hapless chauffeur must take a comatose Secret Agent's place using his special gadget-laden tuxedo.
Director: Kevin Donovan | Stars: Jackie Chan, Jennifer Love Hewitt, Jason Isaacs, Debi Mazar
Votes: 88,676 | Gross: $50.55M
11. Blank Check (1994)
PG | 93 min | Comedy, Crime, Family
After a bike accident, a young boy inadvertently gains possession of a check for $1 million and proceeds to spend it, unaware that the gangsters it belongs to are in pursuit.
Director: Rupert Wainwright | Stars: Brian Bonsall, Karen Duffy, James Rebhorn, Jayne Atkinson
Votes: 22,102 | Gross: $30.58M
12. The Fighting Temptations (2003)
PG-13 | 123 min | Comedy, Drama, Music
A New York advertising executive travels to a small Southern town to collect an inheritance but finds he must create a gospel choir and lead it to success before he can collect.
Director: Jonathan Lynn | Stars: Cuba Gooding Jr., Beyoncé, Mike Epps, Nigel Washington
Votes: 7,617 | Gross: $30.24M
13. Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)
PG-13 | 149 min | Action, Adventure, Sci-Fi
Sam Witwicky leaves the Autobots behind for a normal life. But when his mind is filled with cryptic symbols, the Decepticons target him and he is dragged back into the Transformers' war.
Director: Michael Bay | Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Megan Fox, Josh Duhamel, Tyrese Gibson
Votes: 428,313 | Gross: $402.11M
14. The Last Airbender (2010)
PG | 103 min | Action, Adventure, Family
Aang, a young successor to a long line of Avatars, must master all four elements and stop the Fire Nation from enslaving the Water Tribes and the Earth Kingdom.
Director: M. Night Shyamalan | Stars: Noah Ringer, Nicola Peltz Beckham, Jackson Rathbone, Dev Patel
Votes: 174,826 | Gross: $131.56M
15. Drive Angry (2011)
R | 104 min | Action, Comedy, Fantasy
A vengeful father escapes from hell and chases after the men who killed his daughter and kidnapped his granddaughter.
Director: Patrick Lussier | Stars: Nicolas Cage, Amber Heard, William Fichtner, Billy Burke
Votes: 103,393 | Gross: $10.71M
16. How the Grinch Stole Christmas (2000)
PG | 104 min | Comedy, Family, Fantasy
On the outskirts of Whoville lives a green, revenge-seeking Grinch who plans to ruin Christmas for all of the citizens of the town.
Director: Ron Howard | Stars: Jim Carrey, Taylor Momsen, Kelley, Jeffrey Tambor
Votes: 291,420 | Gross: $260.04M
17. Fun with Dick and Jane (2005)
PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Crime
When an affluent couple lose all their money following a series of blunders, they turn to a life of crime to make ends meet.
Director: Dean Parisot | Stars: Jim Carrey, Téa Leoni, Alec Baldwin, Richard Jenkins
Votes: 154,135 | Gross: $110.33M
18. Daddy Day Care (2003)
PG | 92 min | Comedy, Family
Two men named Charlie Hinton and Phil Ryerson get laid off and have to become stay-at-home fathers when they can't find jobs. This inspires them to open their own day care center.
Director: Steve Carr | Stars: Eddie Murphy, Jeff Garlin, Anjelica Huston, Steve Zahn
Votes: 73,742 | Gross: $104.30M
19. What Women Want (2000)
PG-13 | 127 min | Comedy, Fantasy, Romance
A cocky, chauvinistic advertising executive magically acquires the ability to hear what women are thinking.
Director: Nancy Meyers | Stars: Mel Gibson, Helen Hunt, Marisa Tomei, Alan Alda
Votes: 222,247 | Gross: $182.81M
20. Eagle Eye (2008)
PG-13 | 118 min | Action, Mystery, Thriller
Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they have never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes Jerry and Rachel into a series of increasingly dangerous situations, using the technology of everyday life to track and control their every move.
Director: D.J. Caruso | Stars: Shia LaBeouf, Michelle Monaghan, Rosario Dawson, Michael Chiklis
Votes: 195,178 | Gross: $101.11M
21. Little Nicky (2000)
PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Fantasy
After two of the devil's three sons escape Hell to wreak havoc on Earth, the devil must send his third son, the mild-mannered Nicky, to bring them back before it's too late.
Director: Steven Brill | Stars: Adam Sandler, Patricia Arquette, Harvey Keitel, Rhys Ifans
Votes: 112,503 | Gross: $39.46M
22. RV (2006)
PG | 99 min | Adventure, Comedy, Family
Bob Munro and his dysfunctional family rent an RV for a road trip to the Colorado Rockies, where they must ultimately contend with a bizarre community of campers.
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld | Stars: Robin Williams, Cheryl Hines, Kristin Chenoweth, JoJo
Votes: 63,554 | Gross: $71.73M
23. Balls of Fury (2007)
PG-13 | 90 min | Comedy, Crime, Sport
Down-and-out former professional ping-pong phenom, Randy Daytona, is sucked into a maelstrom when FBI Agent Ernie Rodriguez recruits him for a secret mission. Randy is determined to bounce back and win, and to smoke out his father's killer -- arch-fiend Feng.
Director: Robert Ben Garant | Stars: Dan Fogler, Christopher Walken, George Lopez, Maggie Q
Votes: 44,870 | Gross: $32.84M
24. Ninja Assassin (2009)
R | 99 min | Action, Thriller
A young ninja turns his back on the orphanage that raised him, leading to a confrontation with a fellow ninja from the clan.
Director: James McTeigue | Stars: Rain, Rick Yune, Naomie Harris, Jonathan Chan-Pensley
Votes: 75,560 | Gross: $38.11M
25. Wild Wild West (1999)
PG-13 | 106 min | Action, Comedy, Sci-Fi
The two best special agents in the Wild West must save President Grant from the clutches of a diabolical, wheelchair-bound, steampunk-savvy, Confederate scientist bent on revenge for losing the Civil War.
Director: Barry Sonnenfeld | Stars: Will Smith, Kevin Kline, Kenneth Branagh, Salma Hayek
Votes: 167,252 | Gross: $113.81M
26. Baby's Day Out (1994)
PG | 99 min | Adventure, Comedy, Crime
After three kidnappers lose the baby they have kidnapped, both the cops and kidnappers go looking for the baby.
Director: Patrick Read Johnson | Stars: Lara Flynn Boyle, Joe Mantegna, Joe Pantoliano, Brian Haley
Votes: 55,656 | Gross: $16.67M
27. Hulk (2003)
PG-13 | 138 min | Action, Sci-Fi
Bruce Banner, a genetics researcher with a tragic past, suffers an accident that causes him to transform into a raging green monster when he gets angry.
Director: Ang Lee | Stars: Eric Bana, Jennifer Connelly, Sam Elliott, Josh Lucas
Votes: 278,511 | Gross: $132.18M
28. Drag Me to Hell (2009)
PG-13 | 99 min | Horror
A loan officer who evicts an old woman from her home finds herself the recipient of a supernatural curse. Desperate, she turns to a seer to try and save her soul, while evil forces work to push her to a breaking point.
Director: Sam Raimi | Stars: Alison Lohman, Justin Long, Ruth Livier, Lorna Raver
Votes: 217,409 | Gross: $42.10M
29. LOL (2012)
PG-13 | 97 min | Comedy, Drama, Romance
As a new year at school begins, Lola's heart is broken by her boyfriend, though soon she's surprised by her best friend, promising musician Kyle, who reveals his feelings for her.
Director: Lisa Azuelos | Stars: Miley Cyrus, Douglas Booth, Ashley Greene, Demi Moore
Votes: 58,129 | Gross: $0.05M
30. White Chicks (2004)
PG-13 | 109 min | Comedy, Crime
Two disgraced FBI agents go way undercover in an effort to protect hotel heiresses the Wilson sisters from a kidnapping plot.
Director: Keenen Ivory Wayans | Stars: Marlon Wayans, Shawn Wayans, Busy Philipps, Maitland Ward
Votes: 163,081 | Gross: $70.83M
31. In the Mix (2005)
PG-13 | 95 min | Comedy, Crime, Drama
A successful DJ manages to rescue a powerful mobster one night. In order to repay him, the mobster gives him the task of protecting his daughter.
Director: Ron Underwood | Stars: Usher, Chazz Palminteri, Emmanuelle Chriqui, Robert Costanzo
Votes: 8,629 | Gross: $10.11M
32. Chairman of the Board (1997)
PG-13 | 95 min | Comedy
A surfer becomes the head of a major company.
Director: Alex Zamm | Stars: Scott 'Carrot Top' Thompson, Courtney Thorne-Smith, Larry Miller, Raquel Welch
Votes: 6,486 | Gross: $0.31M
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