Only Fools And Horses, Ranked
My ranking of the comedy that follows two brothers in Southeast London and their endless quest to make a deal that will earn them their fortune…
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- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldArnie, a jeweller who retired early on health grounds, sells Del and his mates some gold chains but then says he wants them back for a previous customer. However he will ensure that he gets double the price to satisfy Del and his friends. As he is selling the chains to the other customer, Mr. Stavros, he collapses with a heart attack and is taken away, along with the money and the chains, by two ambulance men. However, it is a con. They are not real ambulance drivers but Arnie's sons, helping him relieve punters of their money. But then Cassandra hears that Arnie is going to sell the chains to Denzil. Cue Del and Co. to pose as ambulance men and wait for Arnie's next 'heart attack.'9/10
- 1981–20031h 20mTV-149.6 (1.5K)TV EpisodeDirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldThe Nag's Head regulars head to the seaside town of Margate for an eventful day trip.8.5/10
- DirectorMandie FletcherStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldDel, Rodney, and Albert are mistakenly apprehended as shoplifters by an overzealous security guard at the Top Buy Supermarket. And things get worse when they're taken to the manager's office and realise that they've lost their receipt for the goods. Shortly after, Tom the security guard brings a cocky shoplifter, Lennox Gilbey, into the manager's office, where he promptly pulls out a gun and demands money from the safe. Unluckily for Lennox the safe is on a time-lock and due to the dodgy watch he's wearing, he's 15 minutes later than he planned - and the safe doesn't open until 8am the next morning. After being held hostage throughout the night, Del realises that he sold the dodgy watch to Lennox, and that he also knew him as a kid. By preying on his guilty conscience, Del persuades Lennox to reveal that the plan was hatched by Tom and the supermarket manager to get at the £60,000 stored in the safe. The three accomplices beg Del not to go to the police, and instead, he arranges for Lennox to get a job as security guard at the supermarket after Tom's retirement, and then makes sure he wins a £1,000 prize as the millionth customer in the store.8.5/10
- DirectorMandie FletcherStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldTrigger's young niece, Lisa, is staying with him for a while, and the scruffy young girl that Del and Rodney remember has now become a stunning 25 year-old woman. Both Trotter brothers think they are in with a chance, and immediately begin competing for Lisa's affections. Despite almost coming to blows, Del and Rodney manage to invite Lisa round to the flat for tea, and she seems more than happy to accept. In preparation for their date with Lisa, Del goes out to get some more 'Smash' and Rodney spends half-an-hour on the sunbed. Just before Del leaves for the shops, he notices Rodney has dozed off and whacks up the heat on the bed. Much to Rodney's annoyance, he spends most of the evening nursing his bright red face, which has burnt under the ultra-violet rays, whilst Del and Lisa seem to be getting on really well. To get his revenge, Rodders picks up on the fact that Lisa mentions she was going hang-gliding, and as a surprise for his 46th birthday, he arranges for Del to have a go. After offering to give her a left back home to Winchester, Del and Rodney head off to meet Lisa's friends for a spot of hang-gliding. Not wanting to loose face, Del reluctantly agrees to try it out, and after launching himself into the air, he disappears for over 12 hours.8.5/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldAfter witnessing Trigger's unexpected success with his date from a local computer dating agency, Del fancies his chances of having some too. He duly enrolls, and sets out to meet his blind date at Waterloo Station. All seems to go well on their first date at a posh hotel - but have they both been entirely honest with each other?8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldRodney wins a prize in a competition he didn't even know he'd entered, and he Cassandra are going to sunny Spain as a prize. However, Del Boy's coming too... and not as his brother.8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldThings aren't too good at Nelson Mandela house. Raquel's parents are due to visit for dinner and will be meeting Del for the first time, causing her to panic. Dinner is ultimately ruined after Albert unfortunately mixes up the gravy and coffee jars. Meanwhile, Rodney appears to be struggling to come to terms with Cassandra's miscarriage, causing Del to take extreme steps to get him talking about it. Things begin to look up however, in the shape of an antique watch. Is Del's vision of becoming millionaire finally going to come to pass?8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldDel is invited to a school reunion with Boycie, Denzil and Trigger. The organiser remains a mystery until disgraced ex-policeman Roy Slater appears. After drinks in the Nag's Head they all repair to the flat where Del discovers that Slater is married to Raquel, who wants a divorce from him. Happily for Del he finds out that Slater is getting a rake-off from the diamond heist for which he served time and uses this to blackmail him into divorcing Raquel.8/10
- DirectorMandie FletcherStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldIt's closing time at The Nag's Head, and Mike the landlord is having problems clearing everyone out, particularly a young pregnant foreign girl who doesn't seem to speak Peckham English. Del and Rodney offer to help, and despite Del Boy's dodgy French, they work out that Anna is from Germany, and she's been chucked out on the street and was considering getting her child adopted. They leave Rodney to take Anna to a hotel, but he ends up bringing her back to the flat, where she explains that, Spencer, the son of the family she was working for as an au pair got her pregnant and then denied it all. After fuming about Rodney bringing another 'waif and stray' home, Del Boy considers what can be done with Anna's unwanted baby - and the first person he thinks of is Boycie. For year's Marlene and Boycie have been trying for a child, with no success, and now for a mere three grand, Del is offering them the chance to have their very own baby boy. The stress is clearly getting to Anna, and she begins to go into labour. Later on Del, Boycie and Marlene all gather round in the lounge waiting for Anna and Rodney return from hospital. All is well until Rodney lets Del Boy know that the Anna's baby is a girl... and that Spencer's parents were actually West Indian.8/10
- DirectorSusan BelbinStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstDiane LangtonDerek stops a young boy, Jason, from running into the road, and strikes up a friendship with the lad. It's not long before Del discovers that Jason's mother, June, is an old flame who he last saw around nineteen years ago. While Del and June rekindle their romance, Rodders is dating a lovely girl from the newsagent called Debby - a fact that is seriously curtailing his dirty magazine fetish. It soon transpires that Debby is June's daughter, and it's almost her 19th birthday. Del and Rodney soon put two and two together, and decide that Debby may well be Del's daughter. It gets worse when Rodney realises that he has fallen for a girl who could be his niece. Everything comes to a head when Del finally confronts June to find out whether Debby is his daughter or not. It turns out that Debby was actually fathered by his friend Albie Littlewood, who tragically died on the railway line whilst he was seeing June behind Del's back.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceReturning from an auction, the Trotters stop to help a woman whose car appears to have broken down. It turns out she is a posh sort. No less than Lady Ridgemere, wife of Lord Ridgemere who own the Ridgemere Hall Estate. Having towed the Lady to her stately home, Del overhears that the Lord of the Manor is having trouble with the firm he's hired to clean their chandeliers. He wastes no time in offering the Trotter's services as chandelier cleaners for a mere £350. With Rodney and Del up ladders, and an old sheet the only thing between the cut-glass chandelier and the floor, it is only natural that Grandad detaches the chandelier from the room behind them. Del's fast talking excuses are the Trotters' only chance they have of escape!8/10
- 1981–200329mTV-148.6 (628)TV EpisodeDirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceDel Boy's arch-enemy from school turns up in Peckham, but this time he's known as Detective Inspector Slater from the Met Police. Having known Del and his wily ways since they were at school together, Slater knows exactly who to watch when he's on the trail of some stolen microwaves. Hapless Rodney has no idea who Slater is when he gets chatting to him in The Nags Head. It's only when he sees the horror on Del's face, after bringing Slater back to the flat for a reunion meal, that Rodney realises something is wrong Despite Rodney's best efforts, the game appears to be up - one of the microwaves in question is sitting on the sideboard in full view of everybody. Slater immediately begins to question Del, and after threatening Rodney with fictitious drug charges, he forces Del to turn snitch. Much against his better judgement, Del decides to protect his little brother and spills the beans, but only after bartering for immunity for the whole Trotter family.8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldRodney's wedding day is approaching, and Del promises him £2000 as a present. However, Del also owes the Driscoll brothers the same amount - and they want their money. Later during the wedding ceremony, Rodney's middle name is revealed - and laughter ensues.8/10
- 1981–200328mTV-147.6 (565)TV EpisodeDirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceDerek Trotter has the Yuletide Blues, and drinks away his loneliness in Spanish night at The Nag's Head. There he meets Heather, who seems to be one friend short of company. Del Boy, ever the gentleman, entertains her and sees her home safely. At her flat he discovers that she has a young son, to a husband who seems to have joined a very long queue at the Job Centre 18 months ago and not come back. In no time at all their romance blossoms, and all is running so smoothly Del decides to propose. However, when he takes her for a candle-lit curry, she refuses his offer of marriage. Her husband has returned, employed as a department store Santa, and she wants to give it another go... leaving Del Boy without an angel for Christmas.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceA fishing trip to Cornwall is on the cards for the Trotters, with a stay in Boycie's empty weekend cottage. However, on arriving on a dark, stormy night with powerlines in the area down, they are stopped in a police roadblock and informed that an escapee from the local hospital for the criminally insane is on the loose. Could this be the start of a horror story for the unwitting Trotters?8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldAfter seeing the film 'Wall Street' Del fancies himself as Peckham's answer to Gordon Gecko and changes his image. He even - temporarily - gives up the Nag's Head for a trendy wine bar where he is just a little too casual for his own good. Rodney goes on a computer course and meets a nice girl called Cassandra. When she offers him a lift home, he is ashamed to tell her where he lives and gets her to drop him off in an upmarket suburban avenue. She eventually rumbles his deception, but agrees to go on a date anyway.8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldDel buys a consignment of blow-up sex dolls to sell on to elderly Dirty Barry, who has a sex shop. Unfortunately, the dolls are filled with propane gas and will explode if they are exposed to heat. When two of the dolls self-inflate in the flat, Del dresses them in his late mother's clothes to get them into the van incognito. However, when he arrives at his destination, Dirty Barry is unable to oblige - as his licence has been revoked by the council.8/10
- DirectorTony DowStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldDel has applied for a council grant but been turned down. After giving Rodney a bracelet for his birthday inscribed 'Rooney', Del drives Rodney to a fancy dress party where they are dressed as Batman and Robin. However the Reliant Robin breaks down and, as the brothers are running through the fog in costume, they scare off a gang of muggers about to rob a female councillor. At the party they are the only guests in costume because the birthday boy has actually died and the party is now a wake. But there is good news next day when Del catches one of the muggers as he is about to rob an old lady and knocks him unconscious. He gets a medal AND his council grant as a reward for helping the female councillor. Good news for Rodney too as Cassandra announces that she is pregnant.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstBuster MerryfieldBoycie and Abdul pitch a diamond scam to Del Boy, who immediately turns them down. That is until they offer him a £15,000 cut of the estimated £150,000 sale of the stone on the UK market. Del finds himself designated as the courier between Holland and Britain. No sooner has Del enlisted a reluctant Rodders, he hears his old foil Chief Inspector Slater is eyeing Boycie and Abdul as drug dealers. Del decides to hide undetected in the back of Denzil's van. Denzil then getting in and driving them to Hull (pursued by Rodney) was not part of the plan. Thinking quickly, they hire a boat, and let Uncle Albert guide them to Amsterdam. Overcoming counterfeit cash, Albert's amnesia, it's only the arrival of Slater that scuppers them. Despite this, it's Del who has the last laugh.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceTrigger is feeling sad after the death of his grandmother, and the Trotters console him. Del, being ever-helpful and out to spot a potential 'earner', sees two old urns at the grandmother's house and persuades Trigger to part with them. When it later transpires that one of the urns actually contains the ashes of Trigger's late grandfather, they feel it's best to do the right thing and dispose of his mortal remains in the most appropriate manner possible - though this isn't as easy as they first thought.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceDel is determined to get his revenge on big-headed Irish painter and decorator Brendan O'Shaughnessy for flogging him some dodgy paint. So, when he learns of Brendan's plans to redecorate Denzil and Corrine's living room, he convinces them of the Trotters' credentials to do the job better. Corrine isn't impressed, but the Trotters get the job anyway. Left alone in the flat to decorate, with only Corrine's beloved pet canary for company, what could possibly go wrong...8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceWhen Del arranges a job redecorating a Chinese Restaurant, he unwisely decides to employ the services of Rodney 'Leonardo' Trotter and buys some paint from Trigger. It's also nearing the anniversary of their mother's death, and in an attempt to save a bit of cash, Del swipes a bit of spare paint to spruce up her tombstone. While Del leaves Grandad and Rodney to paint the grease-filled Chinese kitchen with 'gold' paint, he heads off to decorate the tombstone. It's only when they've finished painting and get a call from the owner of the Chinese restaurant that they realise the paint was actually luminous yellow. Fine for the walls of a Chinese restaurant kitchen, and it certainly makes a gravestone stand out on a dark night.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceWhen Del and Rodney's estranged father shows up on Christmas Day after an eighteen-year absence, the Trotter family is suddenly thrown into turmoil. Worse still, he claims he has an hereditary disease that could also affect Del and Rodney. However, following blood tests, it comes to light that this might not be the brothers' only problem...8/10
- 1981–200328mTV-148.0 (643)TV EpisodeDirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceDel and Grandad are horrified to hear that Rodney is dating a police officer called Sandra. But while Grandad is worried about Sandra knowing about the Trotters' sullied reputation, Del is sweating over the amount of dodgy gear stored in the flat. At the end of their date at the cinema, Rodders brings Sandra back to the flat for a nightcap. As soon as she arrives, Del spots her wearing a stolen watch that Rodney has given her as a gift. Thinking fast, he 'accidentally' pours gin over it and promises to buy her a replacement. Ever the gent, Rodney offers to walk her home, and everything appears to be forgiven. But as Sandra says goodbye, she tells Rodney he has 24 hours to empty the flat of stolen goods belonging to Trotters' Independent Traders before she notifies CID.8/10
- DirectorRay ButtStarsDavid JasonNicholas LyndhurstLennard PearceDel is getting into financial trouble - even his double-headed coin can't help him win. He's gambling away his money with no sign of stopping, and he's already £150 down. Nevertheless, when Boycie challenges him to a winner-takes-all poker game, Del is eager to host it in his flat in Mandela House. As the night progresses, Del's luck goes from bad to worse as he ends up owing Boycie all his money, the TITCO van, Grandad's cash, jewellery and even a collection of loose change. But all is not lost, as Del finally turns the tables on Boycie in revenge for fixing all the previous card games in his favour.8/10