- [about President George W. Bush] We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.
- [about writer Edward Adler, a longtime friend] He was the most lovable guy I guess I ever met in my life. I don't know anyone who knew Eddie that didn't want to protect him, because he always seemed like an innocent. Eddie was a great example of someone who always lived close to the ground, so to speak. He wandered through life with his eye and his ear on a kind of New York that doesn't exist anymore.
- [on his short-lived career as a stand-up comic] I never liked working in places where people drank and yelled at me.
- I don't like to write with people because if they aren't as funny as me I hate them and if they are funnier than me I hate them.
- [on Charles Webb's original novel of "The Graduate"]: It's an absolutely first-class novel with great characters, great dialogue, a terrific them. Who could resist it?
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