- Half my brain tied behind my back just to make it fair.
- Talent on loan from GOD.
- Sorry to say this, I don't think he [black pro football quarterback Donovan McNabb] has been that good from the get-go. I think what we've had here is a little social concern in NFL. The media has been very desirous that a black quarterback do well, black coaches and black quarterbacks doing well. There is a little hope invested in McNabb, and he got a lot of credit for the performance of this team that he didn't deserve . . . [Amid the ensuing controversy, Limbaugh resigned his position as the "voice of the fan" commentator and ESPN accepted]
- Feminism was established to allow unattractive women easier access to the mainstream.
- [on "free trade"] If we are going to start rewarding no skills and stupid people, let the unskilled jobs, let the kind of jobs that take absolutely no knowledge whatsoever to do, let stupid and unskilled Mexicans do that work.
- [on the US role in post-war Iraq] Our armed forces shouldn't be over there. They're good at killing people and blowing things up, not peace-keeping.
- The difference between Los Angeles and yogurt is that yogurt comes with less fruit.
- One thing I want to do before I die is to conduct the Homeless Olympics. Events would include the ten-meter Shopping Cart Relay, the Dumpster Dig and the Hop, Skip & Trip.
- If Thomas Jefferson thought taxation without representation was bad, he should see how it is with representation.
- Many people have said I need to be balanced with equal time. Wrong . . . I AM equal time.
- Rush Limbaugh, your host, having more fun than a human being should be allowed to have.
- There are more American Indians alive today than there were when Columbus arrived or at any other time in history. Does this sound like a record of genocide? [according to US Census Bureau estimates, there were approx. 15 million Indians in America when Columbus arrived. There are approx. 2 million in America as of 1996]
- I love the women's movement. Especially when I am walking behind it.
- Have you ever noticed how all composite pictures of wanted criminals resemble Jesse Jackson?
- I'm appalled at people who simply want to look at all this abhorrent behavior and say, "Hey, you know, we can't control it anymore. People are going to do drugs anyway. Let's legalize it." It's a dumb idea. It's a rotten idea, and those who are for it are purely, 100 percent selfish.
- When you strip it all away, Jerry Garcia destroyed his life on drugs. And yet he's being honored, like some godlike figure. Our priorities are out of whack, folks.
- These tough sentencing laws were instituted for a reason. The American people, including liberals, demanded them. Don't you remember the crack cocaine epidemic? Crack babies and out-of-control murder rates? Liberal judges giving the bad guys slaps on the wrist? Finally we got tough, and the crime rate has been falling ever since, so what's wrong?
- There's nothing good about drug use. We know it. It destroys individuals. It destroys families. Drug use destroys societies. Drug use, some might say, is destroying this country. And we have laws against selling drugs, pushing drugs, using drugs, importing drugs. And the laws are good because we know what happens to people in societies and neighborhoods, which become consumed by them. And so if people are violating the law by doing drugs, they ought to be accused and they ought to be convicted and they ought to be sent up.
- There are more acres of forestland in America today than when Columbus discovered the continent in 1492.
- Victory is victory, and it's not determined by a timetable. World War II did not go by as quickly as you think.
- Liberalism is hideous. It is the antithesis of being pro-human. It looks at life as a burden in and of itself to be managed, rather than as a blessing to be explored and lived to the fullest.
- Now, I want to tell you the truth about the coronavirus ... Yeah, I'm dead right on this. The coronavirus is the common cold, folks.
- Smokers aren't killing anybody ... There's no even major sickness component associated with secondhand smoke. It may irritate you, and you may not like it, but it will not make you sick, and it will not kill you. Firsthand smoke takes 50 years to kill people, if it does. Not everybody that smokes gets cancer. Now, it's true that everybody who smokes dies, but so does everyone who eats carrots.
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