Smarty (1934)

Edward Everett Horton: Vernon Thorpe

Photos 

Quotes 

• Vernon : What's the matter?

  Anita 'Nita' : Battle, murder and sudden death.

  George Lancaster : Oh, these young couples - the conflict of sex!

• Vernon : Did he, eh, ever hit you before?

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : No. But, he's thrown things.

  Vernon : [Disbelievingly]  No.

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Yes!

  Vernon : When?

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Oh, a couple of nights ago he threw a slipper at me - one of mine, with heels. I still have the bruise - on my leg. I'll show you.

  [Starts to lift up her dress] 

  Vernon : Well, eh, I'll take your word for that.

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Don't you want to see my bruise.

  [Seductively, bats her eyelashes] 

• Vernon : Vicki, you're really through with Tony?

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Oh, absolutely. I'm not going to have people say "poor little thing her husband beats her".

• Vernon : If you spend the night here, you will be presumed, by the court, to have resumed relations with this, eh, person, with full knowledge of the offense and 'bang' goes your divorce.

  Tony : Let it go 'bang', Vicki.

• Vernon : My client, your honor, asks for absolute divorce, on the grounds of extreme and intolerable cruelty. The plaintiff, as your honor can see, is a tiny, little woman. Little, more than a child. And she was the victim of a wonton, brutal, unprovoked assault by her husband - a man who weighs 183 pounds in his socks.

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Stripped!

• Vernon : Tell, his honor, of the slipper incident.

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Oh, yes. Well, there was another night, we were just going to bed - so I didn't have much on - again he lost his temper. He threw a high heel slipper, so hard, that I had a bruise for days. Right here.

  [Points to her upper thigh] 

  Vernon : How large was the bruise?

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Don't you remember? I showed it to you.

• Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Guess who's coming to dinner tonight?

  Vernon : Oh, the Shah of Persia.

• Vernon : Is Vicki dressed yet?

  Anita 'Nita' : Oh, I hope so, Tony's with her.

• Vernon : Funny girl, Vicki.

  Tony : Giving satisfaction, I hope?

• Vernon : VIcki, look. Look! That darn fool girl's got this cuff button in wrong!

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Now, stop raving and I'll fix it for you.

  Tony : Good, ole Edna. She always used to get 'em in cockeyed for me, too!

  Vernon : You don't have to remind me that we also share the same maid.

• Vernon : What shall I do?

  Tony : I'll tell you what I'd do, smash that door. Kick it down! Grab hold of her and kiss her until she's black-and-blue and if she wouldn't let me, I'd roll up my sleeves and beat the daylights outta her! And why the devil I'm giving you the advice I was too much of a sap to take myself, is more than I can figure!

• Vernon : If she isn't here, where is she?

  Tony : There was always something of the gypsy in Vicki.

• Edna - Vicki's Maid : [Interrupting the bridge game, addressing Mrs. Wallace]  Mr. Thorpe is wanted on the telephone, ma'am.

  Vernon : For me?... Thank you.

  Vernon : [politely excusing himself from the table]  Courtesy of the table.

  Tony : [gruffly]  What?

  Vernon : I said, "The courtesy of the table."

  Tony : [snarkily]  Okay... What do you want, a salute of 21 guns?

• Vernon : Vicki, you're really through with Tony?

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Oh, absolutely. I'm not gonna' have people say, "Poor little thing, her husband beats her." Could you handle it for me?

  Vernon : [slightly taken aback]  You wish to retain me as your lawyer?

  Vicki Wallace Thorpe : Oh, now don't use big legal nasty phrases like "retain." I want a nice quiet divorce, in words of not more than two syllables.

  Vernon : [primly]  It will be final - in plain English.

• Vernon : I'm in a very curious position. Vicki wants a divorce. She wants me to take the case.

  Tony : [dismissively]  She hasn't got a case.

  Vernon : You struck her. That was a cowardly, brutal thing to do. A defenseless, helpless little woman.

  Tony : [laughs]  Ha! You're talking to her husband, not the jury!

• Vernon Thorpe : I hate people who rise to the occasion!