Poppy (1936)
W.C. Fields: Professor Eustace P. McGargle
Photos
Quotes
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Hot dog vendor : [as McGargle and Poppy begin to eat their hot dogs] Twenty cents, please!
Professor Eustace McGargle : Very reasonable! I'll pay you at the conclusion of our engagement.
Hot dog vendor : Oh, no, you won't! You're gonna pay me right now!
Professor Eustace McGargle : [the vendor takes back Poppy's half-eaten hot dog] Really! I shall return mine also.
Hot dog vendor : [looking at McGargle's half-eaten hot dog] Listen, you tramp, how am I gonna sell these again?
Professor Eustace McGargle : First you insult me. Then you ask my advice concerning salesmanship. You, sir, are a dunce! DUNCE, sir! D-U-N-C... How do you spell it?
[Walking away with Poppy]
Professor Eustace McGargle : Come, dear, let's go.
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Professor Eustace McGargle : What will you have?
Dog (Ventriloquism) : Milk as usual in a saucer.
Professor Eustace McGargle : He wants a little milk, he'll have it in a saucer. Stand up, Alcibiados.
Dog (Ventriloquism) : Oh, my feet are sore. I've been walking all morning.
Bartender : What kind of a dog is he?
Professor Eustace McGargle : He's a cross between a Manchurian yak and an Australian dingo.
Bartender : Well, that's funny. There's some folks right down the road here got a dog exactly like him, but he can't talk.
Professor Eustace McGargle : Well, naturally, I've devoted a lot of time to this dog. Taught him everything he knows.
Bartender : Is he for sale?
Professor Eustace McGargle : Well, for a price.
Bartender : Well, I've give you twenty dollars for him.
Professor Eustace McGargle : I hate to sell him, but...
[grabs money]
Professor Eustace McGargle : I'll let him go. This breaks my heart. I can't tell you.
[wipes a fake tear from eye]
Dog (Ventriloquism) : Just for selling me, I'll never speak another word as long as I live!
Professor Eustace McGargle : He's a stubborn little fellow. I'm afraid he'll keep his word.
Bartender : Speak! Speak! Speak!
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Professor Eustace McGargle : Ah, what a charming little lean-to!
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Professor Eustace McGargle : And if we should ever separate, my little plum, I want to give you one little piece of fatherly advice.
Poppy : Yes Pop.
Professor Eustace McGargle : Never give a sucker an even break.
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Professor Eustace McGargle : My little plum, I am like Robin Hood. I take from the rich and I give to the poor.
Poppy : What poor?
Professor Eustace McGargle : Us poor.
Poppy : Us poor is right.
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Professor Eustace McGargle : [in pain] Oh, they've broken my sacroiliac! Run to the nearest golf course and get a doctor!
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Countess Maggie Tubbs DePuizzi : [laughing] I am the Countesss DePuizzi.
Professor Eustace McGargle : The Countess De Pussy?
Countess Maggie Tubbs DePuizzi : [tittering] Monsieur, no. DePuizzi - La Comtesse DePuizzi!
Professor Eustace McGargle : Oh, quite so, quite so! Pardon my redundancy.
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Judge : Mr. Whiffeen tells me your wife has passed away.
Professor Eustace McGargle : Yes, the poor dear was killed in Upper Sandusky - run over by a pie wagon, a hit-and-gallop-away driver. One of the horses stepped upon... Never mind the details! Never mind the details!
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Countess Maggie Tubbs DePuizzi : Do you croquet?
Professor Eustace McGargle : Ah, no I don't. I used to do a little tatting on the train.