Healthy, Wealthy and Dumb (1938)

Moe Howard: Moe

Quotes 

• Curly Howard : [a bathtub is behind a door that they open]  Ohhhh, a rowboat.

  Larry : A rowboat, you're crazy. That's a horse troph.

  Moe : Rowboat, horse troph. In a hotel? That's a bathtub, you imbeciles. Go take a bath.

  Larry : But we can't. It ain't spring yet.

  Moe : Oh yes it is. See the pretty grass?

  Larry : [looks toward the bathtub]  Where?

  Moe : [Moe shoves him in and closes the door. Curly giggles]  You're next.

  Curly Howard : But I had a bath.

  Moe : When?

  Curly Howard : July 14, 1910. I was too young to fight about it then.

  Moe : What are you gonna do now?

  Curly Howard : Take a bath.

• Curly Howard : [Curly reads a telegram of their prize money and sees that taxes reduced their prise money into $4.95]  Nyaaaaa...

  [faints, Larry grabs it. Reads it] 

  Larry : They'll put us in jail!

  [faints, Moe grabs it] 

  Hotel Costa Plente room service : Did he say jail?

  Moe : No, Yale. He's got a brother in college with two heads. They got him in a bottle.

  [Looks at the telegram for a second and flinches] 

  Hotel Costa Plente room service : Is something wrong?

  Moe : Nothing. The figures stagger me.

  Hotel Costa Plente room service : And so will your bill.

• Moe : [Drinks a whole bottle of champagne. Followed by a faint rumbling noise]  This bottle sounds flat.

  Moe : Try another.

  Curly Howard : [gets a bottle of champagne from the tray]  I'll sharpen this one up.

  [Shakes it, then opens it with foam squirting out. Curly puts it in his mouth and champagne sprays out of his ears. Then stops after a while] 

  Curly Howard : Boy, did I sharpen that bottle.

• Moe : [putting a pancake on the center plate]  There's that chip, I call. What do ya got?

  Larry : [laying down his hand]  Just four aces.

  Moe : [slams his hand on the table]  And me with four kings again.

  Larry : [taking the pancakes]  Well it must be beginner's luck.

  Moe : I can't understand it, everyday you have beginner's luck.

  Larry : [getting up to reach for the syrup]  Well its just one of those things you know...

  Moe : [grabs Larry by the hair and looks on his chair and sees a lot of aces]  You want to cheat, cheat fair, anything I hate is a crookin' crook.

  [Moe shakes Larry and more aces fall out of his coat] 

  Moe : [slaps Larry in the head and then sits down to eat the pancakes]  My beginner's luck, huh, huh, huh.

• Larry : [carrying a boiling kettle]  I got it! Hot water always melts glue.

  [Moe begins thrashing as Larry holds him and pours the water onto his mouth] 

  Moe : [angry]  What do you think I am, a lobster? Tryin' to boil me alive?

  Larry : [while being slapped in the head by Moe]  Well, hot water always melts glue!

• [first lines] 

  Larry : How many?

  Moe : I'll take three.

  Larry : I'll take the same.

  Moe : I bet two.

  [Moe puts two pancakes on the center plate] 

  Larry : I'll see those two, and I'll raise you five!

  [Larry puts his entire stack on the center plate] 

  Moe : I'd better win today I haven't had breakfast in a week!

  Larry : Well the best man always wins.

  Moe : Well there's four... Hey I need some more chips!

  [the camera moves over to Curly flipping a pancake in a frying pan] 

  Moe : Hurry it up with those chips!

  [Curly comes over to the table] 

  Curly Howard : I'm getting sick and tired of making chips for you guys, I gotta get busy for my radio contest!

• Moe : [picks up a glass]  A toast.

  Larry : [picks up a glass]  A toast.

  Curly Howard : [picks up air]  A toast.

  [Sees that there is no glass] 

  Curly Howard : Roses are red, violets are blue, there's no glass for me, so hot cakes to you. Nyuk, Nyuk, Nyuk.

  [Moe and Larry throw pancakes onto his face] 

• Moe : If you want to cheat, cheat fair.

• Curly Howard : Roses are red, and violets are blue, try Stick-Fast glue, and you'll be stuck to, oh boy I got it, if I make the best slogan I'll win a lot of money!

  Moe : Oh your crazy, you've been sending those in for weeks, nobody ever wins those.

  Larry : Yeah, why don't you play cards and prove your mind? What there is of it.

  Curly Howard : See the money I get!