No Time for Comedy (1940)
Charles Ruggles: Philo Swift
Photos
Quotes
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Linda Paige Esterbrook : [Crying] I don't want to lose him!
[Gaylord]
Philo Swift : Well, I don't want to lose Amanda either, but for a totally different reason. I don't want to have my tombstone cluttered up with the names of my formerly beloved wives. It would leave no room for the more important data.
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Philo Swift : 'Gaylord Esterbrook'... seems to me I've heard or read that name someplace. What do you do?
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : I write plays.
Philo Swift : Er, yes, I have a hobby, too. What I meant was, what do you do for a living?
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : Write plays. Anything wrong?
Philo Swift : No, no; nothing, nothing. You'll pardon me, but it does seem a little trivial for a grown man.
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : Well, perhaps I'll grow out of it. What do *you* do?
Philo Swift : I'm on Wall Street.
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : Where's that?
Philo Swift : I don't know, but my chauffeur finds it every morning.
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : After you get there, what do you do?
Philo Swift : Buy and sell stocks and bonds.
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : Surely not for a living?
Philo Swift : And not a bad one. When stocks go up, I make a little money. When they go down, I make even more.
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : That all you do?
Philo Swift : Well, yes!
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : Well, who knows; maybe you'll grow out of it, too.
[raises glass]
Gaylord 'Gay' Esterbrook : Here's hoping!
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Philo Swift : [about Linda making Mandy cry] You needn't feel so proud, I make her cry all the time. It usually ends up with me giving her a check.
Linda Paige Esterbrook : I didn't give her a check, I think I just gave her my husband.
Philo Swift : In my office we'd list that transaction as petty cash.
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Amanda Swift : Philo and I have been married for... how long is it now, dear?
Philo Swift : They know at city hall.
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Philo Swift : When she said of your husband that he possesses latent possibilities as yet unrealized, I knew then his position was perilous. You see, my wife has a passion for developing latent powers. When they're not there, she invents them.
Linda Paige Esterbrook : [with an embarrassed laugh] I can't somehow - you'll forgive me...
Philo Swift : What?
Linda Paige Esterbrook : ...take your wife seriously as a rival. She's very pretty, very attractive, and I'm sure very gay.
Philo Swift : She's not gay. She's serious.
Linda Paige Esterbrook : But she looks so, uh, forgive me, "fluffy".
Philo Swift : She's a Lorelei with an intellectual patter.
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Morgan Carrell, the Director : Poor Gay, he was so sure he had a hit. He has a curtain speech all prepared. I never thought I'd see the day when I felt sorry for a playwright.
Philo Swift : Two acts are enough for me. I don't see why we should stick around for a third.
Morgan Carrell, the Director : Well, the third might be a little better, I don't know. At least it's understandable. It's a plea for the human race against dictatorship.
Philo Swift : Well, that doesn't interest me either. I'm afraid Esterbrook sees the world not as it is, but as he would like it to be actually. Gay's indignation is sentimental, romantic, infantile.
Morgan Carrell, the Director : [announcement for Third act is heard] Well, no time to argue now. I directed this play and I've got to sit through it. And the punishment fits the crime.
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Philo Swift : I don't discuss things with my wife. We're beyond that stage.
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Linda Paige Esterbrook : Did you send a telegram to Gay wishing him luck?
Philo Swift : Yes, I sent him a telegram, but I forget what I wished him.
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Morgan Carrell, the Director : [During intermission of Gaylord's dramatic play] Pretty awful, isn't it?
Philo Swift : Well, it wouldn't be so bad if people didn't laugh so much. It keeps waking me up.
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Philo Swift : I've been married before. I shouldn't like to be divorced a second time. It gets to be undignified.