Watch the Birdie (1950)

Red Skelton: Rusty Cammeron, Pop Cammeron, Grandpop Cammeron

Photos 

Quotes 

• Rusty Cammeron : [Grandpop and Rusty have just finished watching Clark Gable in "Boom Town"]  Grandpa, I couldn't bring myself to slap a woman.

  Grandpop Cammeron : In your case, it's a necessity.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, supposing they don't go for it?

  Grandpop Cammeron : You've got to assert your masculine dominance; if she takes it, that's love.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, what if she slaps back?

  Grandpop Cammeron : That, my boy, is marriage.

• Grandpop Cammeron : All women are sweet.

• Grandpop Cammeron : Let the ladies beware, let the music begin. There's many a good tune in an *old* violin.

• Pop Cammeron : Many a man has parlayed a box of chocolates into a wife and 4 children.

• Rusty Cammeron : [opening lines]  Hiya folks, this is me.

  Pop Cammeron : And me.

  Grandpop Cammeron : And me.

  Opening narrator : [as himself]  I'll tell you what these names mean so you can eat your popcorn in peace.

  [Arlene Dahl's and Ann Miller's names appear in the opening credits] 

  Opening narrator : These two girls fought over me: Arlene Dahl wanted me to marry Ann Miller, and Ann Miller wanted me to marry Arlene Dahl.

  Opening narrator : [the movie's title appears on the screen]  This is the title, please tell your friends; we'd like to make a little money with this picture.

  Opening narrator : [credits continue, showing Leon Ames, Pam Britton, and Richard Rober]  These are the villains, they get paid for being bad; me, I'm different, I'm good for nothing.

  Opening narrator : [writers' names appear]  We have four writers on this picture; three of them could write, and the other one was my wife's brother.

  Opening narrator : [other crew members' names appear]  These are the men who control everything; the sound, the photography, the costume, the scenery, the makeup. They tell you what to do,and you do it, they are the bosses. In movies, they call them technicians; in the army, they're called sergeants.

  Opening narrator : [producer's name appears]  The producer raved about my acting; in fact, they took him away yesterday.

  Opening narrator : [director's name appears]  A director has to have three things: imagination, showmanship, and another job in case the picture's no good.

  [opening credits conclude] 

• Rusty Cammeron : [boy enters]  Well, welcome to Cammeron & Son & Son's photographic studios. What can I do for you?

  Boy in Camera Shop : I'd like to buy a camera for $22.50.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh... Well, we have a $20 camera, and the price next to that is $25.

  Boy in Camera Shop : I'd like one for $22.50.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh... Well, I'll tell you what, we're having a sale today, so I'll give you the 25 dollar camera for $22.50.

  Boy in Camera Shop : Next, I'd like 5 rolls of film at 95 cents a roll.

  Rusty Cammeron : Five rolls of film... Well, they come in a package of 6, can you use the extra one?

  Boy in Camera Shop : No thanks, just give me 5 rolls of film at 95 cents a roll.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh... Well, you seem like a nice little boy. I tell you what, I'll give you all 6 for the price of 5.

  Boy in Camera Shop : Fine, next I'd like a camera case at 3 dollars.

  Rusty Cammeron : Save your money, you don't need a camera case.

  Boy in Camera Shop : I'd like a 3 dollar camera case.

  Rusty Cammeron : Yeah... Here's one I'll let you have for 3 dollars.

  Boy in Camera Shop : Thank you, how much does that all come to?

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, let's find out.

  [puts the adding machine on the counter] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Here we are: camera, $22.50, film , $.95... $3.00.

  [adds up the total] 

  Rusty Cammeron : That comes to 30 dollars and 25 cents.

  Boy in Camera Shop : Are you sure?

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, this machine's never been wrong yet.

  Boy in Camera Shop : Thank you very much mister, good-bye.

  Rusty Cammeron : Goodbye - Wait a minute! Hey, don't you want to take your stuff?

  Boy in Camera Shop : No, I just wanted to make sure I had the total right, that was my arithmetic lesson for tomorrow.

  [boy leaves the store] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh.

  [looks at camera with hat on top, mistaking it for a customer] 

  Rusty Cammeron : What can I do for you?

  [takes hat off the camera] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh.

• Rusty Cammeron : Oh, welcome to Cammeron & Son & Son's photographic studio, what can I do for you?

  Mr. Whittle : My name's Whittle, I'm from the Eagle Collection Agency.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, well there must be some mistake, I don't collect eagles.

  Mr. Whittle : My agency's been retained by your creditors to collect the sum of eleven hundred and ninety-seven dollars.

  [hands Rusty a bill] 

  Mr. Whittle : Here's a list of what you owe.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, well I'll have to speak to my father about this.

  [reads the invoice] 

  Rusty Cammeron : How could we owe all of that money?

  Mr. Whittle : I'm only doing my duty, but if you can't pay this, I'm afraid we'll have to close up your store.

  Rusty Cammeron : Look mister, all of my savings, all of my father's savings went into opening this store. Now we're liable to take in the $1,197 on this sale alone. Couldn't you give us a little more time, please?

  Mr. Whittle : Well, let's say day after tomorrow, but I can't give you one minute more, now that's final.

  Rusty Cammeron : Thanks.

  Mr. Whittle : Good day.

  Rusty Cammeron : Goodbye.

• Rusty Cammeron : Say fellas, would you mind coming back tomorrow? I'm having a sale today.

  Street Construction Workman : Why don't you write a letter to the newspapers?

  Rusty Cammeron : Wait a minute! You just fixed this street last week.

  Street Construction Workman : Well, you can't expect things to last forever.

  Rusty Cammeron : No.

  Street Construction Workman : Come on.

  Rusty Cammeron : Hey, wait a minute!

• Rusty Cammeron : [awakes, sees Lucia]  My camera, where's my camera?

  Lucia Corlane : Oh, I'm sorry, but I'm afraid we lost that.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh no, why, you should have saved the camera and let me drown. That thing cost $1,200.

  Lucia Corlane : Oh I'm sorry, it's all my fault.

  Rusty Cammeron : All my life, I've been doing things I couldn't afford, but it's the first time I ever got any pleasure out of it.

• Rusty Cammeron : Achoo!

  [camera bulb flashes] 

  Rusty Cammeron : [examines the camera, then picks up the flash bulbs he knocked off the counter]  I wonder if I broke those?

  Rusty Cammeron : [changes bulb]  Better test them.

  Rusty Cammeron : [bulb flashes]  That's a good one.

  Rusty Cammeron : [replaces bulb, it flashes]  That's a good one.

  Rusty Cammeron : [replaces another bulb, no flash]  Aha, I knew I broke one.

  [bulb goes off a second later] 

  Rusty Cammeron : [Rusty hears birds tweeting]  Oh, pardon me, welcome to Cammeron & Son & Son's photographic... Achoo!

  [sniffs] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Pardon me, I fell in the water yesterday and caught a little cold. What can I do for you?

  Woody - Steward : I want a camera, anything costing $150.

  Rusty Cammeron : $150? Right this way.

  [walks over to the display counter] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Here's a nice little camera for exactly $150; course, I got another one here for $49, it takes much better pictures.

  Woody - Steward : I'll take the $150 one.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, I'll put it in a nice little box for you.

  [customer leaves] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Gee, that makes over $2,000 today.

• Rusty Cammeron : Pop! Hey Dad, will you come out here? I want to talk to you!

  [puts money in cash register] 

  Pop Cammeron : [Pop Cammeron comes out of the dark room]  I was in here trying to re-touch one of our customer's snapshots.

  Pop Cammeron : [looks at photo, whistles]  I think it's a little overdeveloped. Poor girl, little too fond of food. Too bad she didn't hear your grandfather's poem.

  Rusty Cammeron : Which one?

  Pop Cammeron : Oh, the one where Grandpa says, um: 'Put that fork down sister, this is for sure, You can't have mashed potatoes and l'amour toujours.' What's up?

  Rusty Cammeron : [holding a ledger pad and pencil]  We did $2,200 worth of business today. Last Thursday we took in $4.12, and this Thursday we take in $2,200. That's an increase of 60,000 percent!

  Pop Cammeron : [stretches his rubber glove]  Well, I told you business would gradually pick up.

  Rusty Cammeron : At that rate, next Thursday we'll take in 1,000,440 dollars, and then the following Thursday we're going to take in 86 million dollars. Holy smoke!

  Pop Cammeron : [whistles]  Your grandfather would be pleased. You know what he says about money: 'Only two things in life are important, brother; the first is money, and I don't remember the other.'

  [Pop blows into his rubber glove] 

• Rusty Cammeron : Yes sir, what can I do for you?

  Mr. Tirson : I left my light meter here to be fixed, the name's Tirson.

  Rusty Cammeron : Tirson, yes sir.

  [goes behind the counter] 

  Rusty Cammeron : That'll be $5.00 even. Say, we're having a sale today, give you a nice trade-in on a new light meter.

  Mr. Tirson : Are you kidding? Brother, this is the sweetest little light meter in the business; only last week in the rain I grabbed a shot of a 5-star general. Easiest $100 I ever made in my life.

  Rusty Cammeron : $100 just for a little piece of film?

  Mr. Tirson : Sure, I'm a freelance newsreel cameraman.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh?

  Mr. Tirson : They'll pay heavy for any hot footage.

  Rusty Cammeron : They will?

  Mr. Tirson : Well, I've sold 'em so much stuff that I'm going to take a nice 2 weeks vacation.

  Rusty Cammeron : [leaves the counter]  Hey, wait a minute! Are you, uh, taking your cameras with you?

  Mr. Tirson : This is a vacation.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, well our firm makes a special offer of air-conditioned storage space for cameras. It's moth-proof, rust-proof, and uh, burglar-proof.

  Mr. Tirson : No, I don't think I'd be interested.

  Rusty Cammeron : It's only 35 cents a week; for new customers, 35 cents for 2 weeks.

• Lucia Corlane : Hello, Mr. Cammeron.

  Rusty Cammeron : Gee, it's good to see you, when I'm not all wet - I mean, when you're drier than I'm wetter. Say, I'd like for you to meet my pop.

  Lucia Corlane : Oh, I'd love to.

  Rusty Cammeron : You would?

  Lucia Corlane : Yes.

• Lucia Corlane : Your father's a darling.

  Rusty Cammeron : I'm his only son. You look so wonderful it's silly to ask, how are you?

  Lucia Corlane : I'm very well; I'm also a customer.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, well I'm rather disappointed.

  Lucia Corlane : You mean you don't want to sell anything?

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, no. When I look at you, I don't think of business; that is, well, if I had a store, I would give you anything and - Well, I do have a store and - Here.

  [goes behind the counter and takes a camera down from the shelf] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Take that as a souvenir, I was going to throw it away anyhow.

  Lucia Corlane : Thank you, but I couldn't. I would like to buy a gift for a friend, say something around $200.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, this camera with the carrying case and some film will run around $200.

  Lucia Corlane : Fine, I'll take them.

  Rusty Cammeron : Mm-hm, pardon me.

  [Rusty turns his head, sneezes] 

  Lucia Corlane : What are you taking for that cold?

  Rusty Cammeron : Make me an offer - I mean nothing, it's nothing at all. It's slight.

  Lucia Corlane : Well, as soon as you've finished wrapping this, I'm taking you right down to my doctor.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, I'd rather not. You see, he might cure me, and then I'd never see you again. Why don't we go to my doctor, he's not too good, heh.

  Lucia Corlane : Bundle up, and I'll drive you right down.

  Rusty Cammeron : I'll wrap this for you.

• Rusty Cammeron : [looks at the blackboard]  Pop, I can't figure it out. Yesterday we take in $2,400, and today we take in $1.90.

  Pop Cammeron : Well, looks like we won't need that bigger store after all.

  Rusty Cammeron : I was hoping that with a million dollars that - Well, even someone like me wouldn't be afraid to make up to a rich girl.

• Mr. Whittle : Oh, Mr. Cammeron?

  Rusty Cammeron : Hmm? Oh!

  Mr. Whittle : It's me again. Say, I hope you've got that $1,197. Now no hard feelings, but they made me bring the sheriff with me, he's out in the car.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, you can tell him to stay in the car, I got the money in the cash register.

  [goes to the cash register] 

  Mr. Whittle : Well, I'll say.

  Rusty Cammeron : [pushes the register keys]  There you are, $1,197.

  Mr. Whittle : Well you don't know how pleased I am, Mr. Cammeron, now you've got nothing to worry about. Well, good luck.

  [Mr. Whittle leaves the store] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Goodbye, and I got $1,204.97 left.

  [goes to the phone, starts to dial while humming "The Wedding March"] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Hello, may I please speak to Miss Lucia Corlane?

  Mr. Tirson : [enters the store]  Hi, Mr. Cammeron. Now, here's your 35 cents, would you get my camera out of storage, please?

  Rusty Cammeron : Your camera? Oh, well Mr. Tirson, unfortunately I lost your camera. Will you take the one Pop has over there? It's not a newsreel camera, but it takes awfully good pictures.

  Mr. Tirson : Give me my camera or give me $1,200 in cash, or I call the police.

  Rusty Cammeron : Okay, give him the $1,200, Pop.

  [goes back to the phone] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Hello? No, I don't want to speak to Miss Corlane, I guess I was trying to call the wrong number.

  Mr. Tirson : [cash register opens]  Thank you boys, I've been trying to sell that camera for 6 months, ha ha ha ha!

  Pop Cammeron : Well, thank goodness it wasn't a total loss, we got 35¢ out of him.

  [chuckles] 

  Rusty Cammeron : [quietly to himself]  Yeah.

  Pop Cammeron : Well, I think I better go deposit this in the bank.

  [heads out the doorway, then turns to Rusty] 

  Pop Cammeron : Oh son, if any more customers come in, don't wait on them, because we can't afford to lose any more money.

  [chuckles, Rusty nods in agreement] 

• Rusty Cammeron : [reads a newspaper article about Lucia Corlane, who will be attending a groundbreaking ceremony]  No wonder you're the head of a big construction company, you're a walking example of good construction.

• Rusty Cammeron : [reading an article on Lucia Corlane, who will be attending a groundbreaking ceremony]  No wonder you're the head of a construction company, you're a walking example of good construction.

  Lucia Corlane : Hello.

  Rusty Cammeron : [Rusty puts the newspaper down]  Gee, Miss Corlane.

  Lucia Corlane : I'm glad you're in, because we have some business to discuss.

  Rusty Cammeron : Business?

  Lucia Corlane : Of course. Aren't you a photographer?

  Rusty Cammeron : Photograph you, Miss Corlane? I have nothing else to do the rest of my life.

  Lucia Corlane : That's very flattering, but what I had in mind was a real estate project, Lucky Vista.

  Rusty Cammeron : I know, here! If all bosses looked like you, labor and management could really get together.

  Lucia Corlane : What I need is a pictorial record of the construction as it progresses. I just might want to prove that everything is being done right.

  Rusty Cammeron : You don't expect any trouble, do you?

  Lucia Corlane : I can't take any chances. You see, my father started this project just before he died, it was his life's dream.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, I know you'll do it.

  Lucia Corlane : I have to, for my own sake, too. Every penny I inherited is in Lucky Vista. If anything happened to it, the money Dad left me, my home, everything - I'd lose it quicker than you lost that $1,200 camera.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, don't you worry, nothing's going to happen. Say, why don't we discuss this business at lunch? I'm an awful good cook.

  Lucia Corlane : All right, we'll call it a businessman's lunch.

  Rusty Cammeron : Good, right this way, Miss Corlane.

• Rusty Cammeron : [Rusty and Lucia enter the clinic]  Uh, you're going to wait for me, aren't you?

  Lucia Corlane : I told you, I have to get back to the office.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh... well... supposing I have an attack on the way home?

  Lucia Corlane : You just thought of that, didn't you?

  Rusty Cammeron : Mm-hmm.

  Lucia Corlane : Now remember, do exactly as the doctor tells you.

  Rusty Cammeron : I'll do everything I'm told.

  Lucia Corlane : [Rusty opens the door for Lucia, who is about to leave]  Bye.

  Rusty Cammeron : Bye.

• Man Who Undresses : [Rusty knocks on the door, nobody answers, so he enters the room, the other man bumps into Rusty as he opens the door]  Oh, pardon me, I'm in an awful hurry, do you mind?

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh no, it's all right, go ahead.

  [the other man knocks Rusty down to the floor] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Ugh, you're on my coat down here.

  Man Who Undresses : [the other man brushes Rusty to one side, Rusty pushes the other man into the wall by his neck]  Please... playboy.

  [He attempts to take off his vest, and Rusty accidentally puts his arm into the sleeve hole, tearing it] 

  Man Who Undresses : Look what you did!

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, I'm sorry, this was my room to begin with.

  Man Who Undresses : Ahhh!

  [the other man pulls Rusty's hat over his eyes several times; Rusty taps him from behind, and waves his hand over his face in a downward sweep] 

  Man Who Undresses : [the other man loosens his suspenders; Rusty gets his arm caught, and releases it with a snap]  Ohhh! Don't you know how to behave in public?

  Rusty Cammeron : Look, this was my room, you came in here, I didn't ask you to -

  [the other man waves his fingers over Rusty's lips] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Bbl-bbl-bbl-bbl.

  Man Who Undresses : [Rusty and the other man take turns putting clothes on the other's hooks, Rusty reaches for his coat, but gets the other man's leg]  What!

  Rusty Cammeron : [gulps]  Heh-heh, you're walking all over...

  Man Who Undresses : Sorry.

  [sighs exahustedly as he tries to take off his shirt] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Achoo! I'm... I'm sorry.

  [Rusty starts to sneeze again, the other man slaps him, he sneezes again a moment later] 

  Man Who Undresses : If I wasn't in such a hurry, I'd...

  Rusty Cammeron : Look, you go ahead finish undressing, I'll wait.

  [the other man starts to take his pants off] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Here, let me help you.

  Man Who Undresses : [Rusty sneezes once again, tearing the other man's pants]  Umph!

  [the other man tosses Rusty out of the dressing room] 

  Woman Who Undresses : [Rusty stumbles into the other dressing room with the woman, and quickly leaves]  Aagh! Aagh!

• Mayor : It always gives me great pleasure to officiate at a meeting of this kind. It is really wonderful to look around and see so many fair faces.

  Rusty Cammeron : [Pop Cammeron's truck pulls up in front of the platform]  Right here, Pop!

  Mayor : It's...

  Rusty Cammeron : Pop, pull forward!

  [the truck moves forward] 

  Mayor : As the first item on the program, it is my privilege to present the winner of the Hale beauty contest: Miss Lucky Vista herself!

  [the band plays music as Miss Lucky Vista steps onto the platform] 

  Miss Lucky Vista : Having been chosen the most beautiful girl in the city by over 5,000 folk, I wish to thank everybody, including my mother and father.

  [applause as the mayor hands a ceremonial shovel to Miss Lucky Vista] 

  Miss Lucky Vista : Oh yes, and I officially present this silver shovel to Mrs. Hugh Shanway, the beautiful wife of our bank inspector. Oh, and thank you for your votes; you can find me every evening at the Rosewood dance hall, where I'm hostess.

  [a sailor in the crowd claps and says "Wow!"] 

  Miss Lucky Vista : Hiya, sailor.

• Rusty Cammeron : Hey Pop!

  Pop Cammeron : What is it, son?

  Rusty Cammeron : Quarter after 7:00, is that film ready?

  Pop Cammeron : I just finished fixing it.

  [Pop puts the film canister on Rusty's dresser top] 

  Pop Cammeron : There you are, my boy.

  Rusty Cammeron : Is it any good?

  Pop Cammeron : I fixed it myself.

  Rusty Cammeron : Were you careful with that soundtrack?

  Pop Cammeron : Now don't worry, son. I told you, I fixed it.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, wish me luck, Pop, I see her in 10 minutes.

  Pop Cammeron : Oh?

  [Rusty checks his night stand] 

  Pop Cammeron : You going to her house?

  Rusty Cammeron : Yes, sir.

  Pop Cammeron : You going empty handed?

  Rusty Cammeron : Why, yes sir. What's the matter?

  Pop Cammeron : Well, remember Grandfather's poem?

  Rusty Cammeron : Which one?

  Pop Cammeron : "He who calls without a present may get in, but it won't be pleasant."

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, uh, what do you think I ought to take?

  Pop Cammeron : Many a man has parlayed a box of chocolates into a wife and four children.

• Lucia Corlane : Good evening, Rusty.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, good evening. Say, it was nice of Mr. Farns to arrange to show the picture.

  Lucia Corlane : You seem nervous.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, I'm in a lot of trouble.

  Lucia Corlane : What kind of trouble?

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, when a fella calls on his girl - that is, a girl - for the first time, well, he knows 8:00 is the right time to get there. Well, here's his trouble: should the guy show up exactly at 8:00 to prove to the girl that he's reliable and steady, or should he show up maybe at 8:30 and show her that he's uh, more carefree and nonchalant?

  Lucia Corlane : What time is it now, Rusty?

  Rusty Cammeron : Half past 7:00.

  Lucia Corlane : Shall we go in?

  [Rusty and Lucia enter the parlor] 

• Rusty Cammeron : Here's the film.

  [hands the box of chocolates to the projectionist by mistake] 

  Movie Projectionist : Okay, thanks.

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh Miss Corlane -

  [hands the film to the projectionist and takes the box of chocolates to Miss Corlane] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Oh, pardon me. Miss Corlane, I happen to have a box of candy for you.

  Lucia Corlane : Oh, thank you very much.

  [Rusty stumbles over the ottoman] 

  Lucia Corlane , Miss Lucky Vista : Oh!

  Miss Lucky Vista : Is he all right?

  Lucia Corlane : Are you hurt?

  Rusty Cammeron : No, I'm okay; that's a silly place to put furniture, I'm sorry.

• Mrs. Shanway : [from the film]  It is my privilege to turn the first spadeful of earth

  [the video portion of the film abruptly changes from Mrs. Shanway to a turkey with Mrs. Shanway's voice due to a film error] 

  Mrs. Shanway : of the second unit of Lucky Vista...

  Mrs. Shanway : Why, that's my speech! That horrible turkey is making my speech!

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, Mrs. Shanway, it's not the film's fault, it's- it's that projector.

  Movie Projectionist : Nothing wrong with my projector!

  Rusty Cammeron : Why, there must be, we didn't shoot anything like...

  Mrs. Shanway : [the film continues]  In honored memory of that estimable, that foresighted, that public spirited industrialist, the late lamented Cornelius -

  [the audio switches to a turkey gobbling] 

  Mrs. Shanway : [Miss Lucky Vista quietly laughs to herself]  Oh! That's the most humiliating thing I've ever seen! You stop this picture at once!

  Mr. Hugh Shanway : Me? I didn't have anything to do with it!

• Grandpop's Girl : [offscreen]  Eeek! Oh, oh!

  Rusty Cammeron : [Grandpop Cammeron enters the store, whistles]  Grandpa!

  Pop Cammeron : What was that scream?

  Grandpop Cammeron : Ecstacy, my boy, sheer ecstasy. Warmed myself, and why shouldn't I? Let the ladies beware, let the music begin, there's many a good tune in an old violin.

  [to Pop Cammeron] 

  Grandpop Cammeron : How are you, son?

  Pop Cammeron : I'm glad you're here, father. Rusty's got a problem.

  Grandpop Cammeron : Oh? Well, speak freely, my boy, you're amongst a friend.

  Pop Cammeron : Uh, not too freely, he's at the age where he picks things up.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, it's a terrible problem, Grandpa, and she's such a wonderful girl.

  Grandpop Cammeron : Oh, a dame, huh? You've got no problem.

  [laughs] 

  Grandpop Cammeron : So you got a girl, huh? Well - Junior, you better get back to bed, there's gonna be a lot of boy talk floating around here.

  Pop Cammeron : Now, you take it easy, Pop. I've met Miss Corlane, and she's a very sweet girl.

  Grandpop Cammeron : All girls are sweet. Now, uh, get lost, go cheat yourself at solitaire.

  Pop Cammeron : Can't I stay up?

  Grandpop Cammeron : You heard me!

  [Pop Cammeron leaves the room] 

  Rusty Cammeron : My goodness, Grandpa, what happened to you, you've changed.

  Grandpop Cammeron : I had to. For years I sat around in a rocking chair and carpet slipppers while the rest of the world went on without me.

  Rusty Cammeron : You look younger than Pop.

  Grandpop Cammeron : Sure I do now. I've gone modern, up-to-date, turned over a new page, Rusty, and it's mighty nice reading.

  Rusty Cammeron : I never would have believed it.

• Rusty Cammeron : Well grandpa, it's terrible, everything's gone wrong since our first meeting. She saved my life instead of me saving hers; she practically supports our business. Now, how can I ever hope to get anywhere with a girl like that?

  Grandpop Cammeron : Now you listen carefully to me, Rusty, I'm going to teach you about the new facts of life: for thousands of years, women have been delicate, sheltered creatures, covered from stem to stern.

  Rusty Cammeron : That's right.

  Grandpop Cammeron : Then came the new era. Nowadays between the plunging neckline and the French bathing suit, the average woman has to put something on to take a bath.

  Rusty Cammeron : Things certainly have changed.

  Grandpop Cammeron : Yes sir, they certainly have. Why, a fella used to see his girl in the moonlight looking at roses; now when you see a girl in the moonlight, she's playing first base for a softball team.

  Rusty Cammeron : I don't follow you.

  Grandpop Cammeron : My boy, you're really in trouble.

• Rusty Cammeron : [wakes up aboard Miss Corlane's yacht]  Oh no.

  [gets out of bed] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Hey, what happened?

  Woody - Steward : You fell overboard again.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well, don't tell me she did it again?

  Woody - Steward : Yeah.

  Rusty Cammeron : Getting so a guy can't fall overboard that she doesn't dive in and save his life. Where is she?

  Woody - Steward : She told me to tell you that she's gone to South America.

  Rusty Cammeron : South America?

  Woody - Steward : Yeah.

  Rusty Cammeron : Boy, what a swimmer.

• Rusty Cammeron : [while driving a straddle carrier truck]  Look, I make up my mind in a hurry, you're never gonna leave me. We'll get married as soon as we get out of this mess. Do you understand?

  Lucia Corlane : Of course I do, anything you say, Clark - I- I mean Rusty.

  Rusty Cammeron : Well then, slide over here and give me a kiss!

  [Lucia puts her arm on Rusty's shoulder] 

  Rusty Cammeron : Gee, Grandpa and Clark Gable would be mighty proud of me.

• [last lines] 

  Lucia Corlane : [Rusty and Lucia park the straddle carrier next to the police station]  Officers, don't let these two men get away!

  Policeman : Okay, miss!

  Lucia Corlane : [Rusty and Lucia climb in through the police station window]  Oh officer, I want those two men arrested; they're guilty, and we've got the film to prove it.

  Police Captain : Now wait a minute, young lady.

  Rusty Cammeron : If I hadn't have straightened out that soundtrack, we'd never known what happened.

  Police Captain : What soundtrack are you talking about?

  [the film fades out to the closing credits] 

• Rusty Cammeron : Pop, this is Miss Lucia Corlane.

  Lucia Corlane : How do you do?

  Pop Cammeron : I want to thank you for saving my boy's life.

  Lucia Corlane : Oh, it wasn't that serious; besides, I felt responsible.

  Pop Cammeron : Rusty tried to tell me how lovely you were, but unfortunately, he's not a poet.

  Lucia Corlane : Thank you, Mr. Cammeron, you're very sweet.

  Pop Cammeron : You must visit our store more often; I never realized how attractive it was until I saw you standing there. Well, goodbye for now, Miss Corlane.

  Lucia Corlane : Goodbye.