Funeral in Berlin (1966)

Michael Caine: Harry Palmer

Photos 

Quotes 

• Samantha Steel : My name is Samantha Steel. Some people call me Sam.

  Harry Palmer : Edmund Dorf. Some people call me Edna.

• Waiter : Bitte, mein Herr?

  Harry Palmer : No, Löwenbrau, please.

• Harry Palmer : Oh, by the way, is old Klaus Burger still alive?

  Reinhardt : The forger?

  Harry Palmer : Yeah, the forger.

  Reinhardt : I'd like to run you out of Berlin, Palmer! You and MI5 and the Deuxième Bureau and the CIA and the rest of them. Then I can do my job instead of providing work for every forger, confidence man, thief, and murderer in this town!

  Harry Palmer : Oh, I agree, I agree, I agree. But... is old man Klaus still alive?

• Colonel Stok : I wish to defect, but there are conditions.

  Harry Palmer : What do you want?

  Colonel Stok : I want colonel's pay for life.

  Harry Palmer : Don't we all.

  Colonel Stok : A house in the country.

  Harry Palmer : Oh, how many bedrooms?

  Colonel Stok : Bedrooms do not matter. But I must have a big garden. I am a peasant at heart, and I want to grow roses in my old age.

  Harry Palmer : In England, roses are out - weeds are in. Is that all?

  Colonel Stok : That is all. I want comfort and security.

  Harry Palmer : You've got all that in Russia now.

  Colonel Stok : Aah, in Russia there is no place for an old Bolshevik. In my job I have made too many enemies.

  Harry Palmer : Well, what about your family?

  Colonel Stok : My wife died in a German air raid in 1941; my only son hasn't written to me in three years. What would you do in my position?

  Harry Palmer : I'd stop telling lies, for a start. You have no son, and your wife is in Kiev with your daughter Katya. I know everything about you, Colonel Stok... from the size of your refrigerator to the cubic capacity of your mistress.

• Harry Palmer : She picked me up last night, and - with my irrestible charm - I want to know why, and who she's working for.

• Colonel Stok : Do you play chess?

  Harry Palmer : Yes, but I prefer a game with a better chance of cheating.

• Colonel Stok : If there is a mistake, the KRAPOs will be shooting at me.

  Harry Palmer : That'll be nice: you'll find out what it's like to be an East German.

  Colonel Stok : You are insolent! Do you think this job, this loathsome Wall, is all I've done for Communism? Does Smolensk mean anything to you, or Stalingrad?

  [chuckles] 

  Colonel Stok : I look at your stupid face and I think you mean what you say. I like you, you're good at your job. You need only one thing.

  Harry Palmer : What's that?

  Colonel Stok : A reason for doing it.

  Harry Palmer : I get paid.

  Colonel Stok : £30 a week? Is it worth it - to be a tool of the generals? A tool for making trouble? Trouble makes arms, arms make money...

  Harry Palmer : When you get to England, we'll give you a soapbox. You sure you want to defect tomorrow?

  Colonel Stok : I told you, I'm still a good Communist. When a man leaves his wife, he remembers his wedding night. Communism was the love of my youth, and I've been faithful... until now. I was with Antonov-Ovseyenko at the storming of the Winter Palace in 1917. Do you know what that means in Russia?

  Harry Palmer : Yes, I think so. It means you're an expendable hero.

• Harry Palmer : You're useless in the kitchen, why don't you go back to bed.

• Harry Palmer : Inspector Reinhardt - do you find me physically attractive? Irresistible? I mean, if you saw me in the street, would you throw yourself at my feet?

  Reinhardt : Corporal Palmer...

  Reinhardt : [examines the Dorf passport given him by Palmer]  Oh ja, I was told about Dorf, but I didn't know it was you... I should have guessed - so crooked, they had to put you in Intelligence.

  Harry Palmer : It was my sex appeal, actually.

• Johnny Vulkan : [dropping Palmer off to cross into East Berlin]  Remember, you're Edmund Dorf.

  Harry Palmer : How can I forget?

  Johnny Vulkan : You have the address?

  Harry Palmer : Yep... and my Luger pistol, and my cyanide pills and my inflatable Batman suit.

• [On his proposed defection] 

  Colonel Stok : And for you it is a propaganda victory - my name is worth a headline.

  Harry Palmer : We get plenty of Russians. It's a pity you're not Chinese.

• [after a plan goes wrong] 

  Harry Palmer : Let's get out of here. I've got some fiction to write.

• Harry Palmer : I think that Vulkan is connected with this man Broum.

  Ross : Brilliant, Palmer. Vulkan *is* this man Paul Louis Broum.

• Harry Palmer : Do you mean that Her Majesty's government employs ex-Nazis, sir?

  Ross : [referring to Palmer himself]  And thieves, Palmer.

• Ross : Well, you've bungled the rest of it. Get rid of him.

  Harry Palmer : Pardon?

  Ross : *Kill* him.

  Harry Palmer : I'm not killing anybody in cold blood.

  Ross : Then provoke him, if that's going to satisfy your scruples.

• Harry Palmer : Ah, there is something else, sir.

  Ross : Yes, what is it?

  Harry Palmer : That 800-Pound loan, without interest, to buy my own car.

  Ross : [after a sufficient pause]  Yes.

  Harry Palmer : [a bit confused]  "Yes," I want it? Or "yes," I can have it?

  Ross : [sounding disgusted]  Yes, everything they say about you is true. Get out of here. Go back to Berlin.

  Harry Palmer : [as he turns and leaves]  Don't care much for Berlin, sir. You're liable to get your head shot off.

  Ross : That's what you're paid for, isn't it, Palmer?

  Harry Palmer : Yes, sir.

• Harry Palmer : I'm sorry, I just don'f feel like an Edmund Duff.

• Hallam : I hope you'll appreciate this. One of my lads stayed on till two in the morning to get this ready for you.

  [hands Harry his cover passport, with his new name on it] 

  Harry Palmer : [Harry looks at it, obviously disappointed]  "Dorf"?

  Hallam : What's wrong with that?

  Harry Palmer : [sounding displeased]  "Edmund Dorf"?

  Hallam : All the best Englishmen have foreign names. Much more convincing.

  Harry Palmer : I'm sorry, I just don't feel like an "Edmund Dorf".

  Hallam : Charming. What *do* you feel like?

  Harry Palmer : [thinks for a second]  "Rock Hunter." Can't I be "Rock Hunter"?

  Hallam : No. You aren't the type. You'll take what you get.

• Hallam : Have a cup of tea. Darjeeling!

  Harry Palmer : No thanks. I've gotta' go.

  [heads for the door] 

  Hallam : Give my love to Berlin! I was there with Monty in '45.

  Harry Palmer : [turns and gives him a deadpan look]  So that's why the Germans surrendered.

• Johnny Vulkan : [as Palmer arrives in Berlin]  Harry Palmer, it's good to see you.

  Harry Palmer : You too, you old Kraut.

• Colonel Stok : [offering Palmer a cup of tea]  As usual, there is no milk today.

  Harry Palmer : And so Russian tea was invented.

• Harry Palmer : [coming back with Samantha Steel to find her apartment ransacked]  You've been burgled!... Guess what? We'll have a drink, and then I'll help you clear up.

• Colonel Stok : [after Harry has seen through some deliberate lies that Stok was testing him with]  I like you, English. You're not as stupid as you look. I wanted to see how well you were trained.

  Harry Palmer : "Train hard, fight easy."

  Colonel Stok : Ahh, you quote Marshall Suvorov! Bravo!

• Colonel Stok : If you won't help me, I'll go to the Americans.

  Harry Palmer : [showing indifference]  Why don't you go to the Americans? They have more money.

  Colonel Stok : Ah! Who wants to live in America? They are just Russians in pressed trousers. Revolutionaries gone decadent.

  Harry Palmer : All right. I'll make my report to London. I'll tell them that you talk well - and lie badly.

• Samantha Steel : You with the Press convention?

  Harry Palmer : No, I'm in... underwear.

  Samantha Steel : Oh, kinky! I'm in the trade, too.

• Ross : [final lines]  You might make a professional yet, Palmer.

  Harry Palmer : I'm glad you think so.

  Ross : That loan you wanted to buy a car, how much was it?

  Harry Palmer : 800 Pounds. Why?

  Ross : Well, I think you've earned it.

  Harry Palmer : [slight pause]  No thank you, sir. I'll walk.

  [turns and walks out] 

• Hallam : Uh, I, I seem to have run short of cigarettes.

  Harry Palmer : [offers his]  Do you want a French one?

  Hallam : [with distaste]  No. Never mind.

• Harry Palmer : [On hearing music playing on the radio]  Who's that playing the piano with his elbows?

• Johnny Vulkan : [In a nightclub, Vulcan introduces his attractive date to Palmer]  Monica, this is Edmund Dorf.

  Monica : [she leans forward, looking very provocative]  I *like* England.

  Harry Palmer : [Palmer, deadpan, looks her over]  England likes you.