The Carol Burnett Show (1967–1978)

Tim Conway: Various Characters, Self - Guest, Self

Photos 

Quotes 

• Mickey Hart : I was at this freak show one time and I saw these Siamese elephants.

  Mickey Hart : [Audience is in hysterics, and Burnett, Lawrence, Conway and Van Dyke are trying but failing to stay in character. Just as Burnett is almost able to continue the sketch he starts again and she is visibly thrown off]  They was joined at the trunk like that. And their trainer would make them stand up on their back feet like that, and they'd have their trunks stretched out like that. Then this little monkey would come out...

  Mickey Hart : [Burnett is desperately trying not to laugh]  Walk out there and dance the merengue out there. I kind of felt sorry for them, they couldn't go like the other elephants when they go 'PHRRRRR!' All they could do is just blow and go 'FSNORKN!'

  [the others are desperately trying to stay in character] 

  Mickey Hart : One would sneeze, the other's eyes would get real big!

  Eunice : [Burnett's a complete mess by this point but tries to move it along]  Go on, Mama.

  as Thelma "Mama" Harper : [In character]  You sure that little asshole's through?

  [Total chaos erupts with the audience and all the players cracking up laughing] 

• Tim Conway : [after her grilling him and implying a wrong number was a signal from another woman]  Look, there's no girl, there's nobody waiting or anything, that was a wrong number, you understand? Now why in your wildest imagination would I even wanna mess around with another woman? You know I love you. For crying out loud. Get to sleep will ya?

  Host : Honey, I'm sorry. I guess I'm... just jealous.

  Tim Conway : Oh, there's no reason to be. I love you, now you just go to sleep, all right? I gotta get up early.

  Host : I love you too, and I'm sorry.

  Tim Conway : It's all right, don't worry.

  Host : [she falls asleep, he gets up, takes off his pyjamas, revealiing he was wearing day clothes and tries to sneak out the door when she pulls a shotgun on him]  You open that door and I'll blow you in half!

  [he goes to the window and gives a 'it's off' signal] 

• Host : [during a sketch where they receive a wrong number call, and she's giving him the third degree]  He's not my friend.

  Tim Conway : He's not?

  Tim Conway : No.

  Host : But you said they didn't say anything.

  Tim Conway : They didn't.

  Host : Then how do you know it's a he?

  Tim Conway : I don't.

  Host : But you just said 'he's not my friend'.

  Tim Conway : It's just a figure of speech when you say that. See, what I should have said was 'whoever it was didn't say anything'.

  Host : Then why didn't you say that?

  Tim Conway : I don't know. I wish I would've.