- John Cleese: This ruthless concentration on one's self is a successful irritant widely practiced by women. A friend of mine once demonstrated this to me at a large party. He stood in the middle of the room and said very loudly, "The trouble with women is that they always take things personally." Four women immediately replied, "Well I Don't."
- Flight Attendant: Hang on, there's someone going into the washroom. Wait, he's in, he's in.
- Flight Attendant, Bored Pilot, Bored Pilot: Five, four, three, two, one.
- Bored Pilot: Please return to your seats and fasten you safety belts immediately.
- Teddy: What animal makes the noise, "meow?"
- Mrs.Maurice: A car?
- Teddy: Nearly! Ca... ca... ca...
- Mrs.Maurice: Ca... ca... bus?
- Teddy: No. Ca... ca...
- Mrs.Maurice: Aeroplane?
- Teddy: No, no! Ca... ca... ca...
- Mrs.Maurice: Ca... ca... ca... MOTOR TORPEDO BOAT!
- Teddy: NO, NO, NO! Ha, ha, ha... bad luck, Mrs. Morris, jolly good try. No, Mrs. Morris, what ANIMAAAAAAL... ha, ha... makes the noise "meow?"
- Mrs.Maurice: Oh, that's easy. A cat.
- Teddy: A what?
- Mrs.Maurice: A cat!
- Teddy: Then why did you say "motor torpedo boat?"
- Mrs.Maurice: I'M 943!
- Bored Pilot: Please find the emergency spill in the washroom at the back and release it!
- Bored Pilot: But do not unfasten your safety belt!
- Flight Attendant: That's got 'em back to their seats.
- Bored Pilot: The emergency spill must be released!
- Bored Pilot: But do not leave your seats!
- Bored Pilot: Do not panic!
- Bored Pilot: Tea will be served.
- Bored Pilot: Inflate your lifejackets!
- Bored Pilot: And extinguish all cigarettes!
- Bored Pilot: Please remove the luggage from the racks above your heads and please it on the other side of the aircraft.
- Bored Pilot: Except for hand luggage...
- Bored Pilot: Which you should sit on!
- John Cleese: [on the Pepperpots] These ladies are effective, but they're not very subtle. It's quite clear what they're up to. It's rather like, for example, going to a football game and cheering for a team that isn't playing, or wearing fancy dress at a funeral, or setting fire to Julie Andrews. It's irritating, but its obvious. It's much more satisfying if you can irritate someone by pretending to be considerate.