Monty Python's Flying Circus (1969–1974)
Terry Jones: Various, Nude Organist, Voice Over #2, Judge, City Gent, Floor Manager, Inspector, Italian Teacher, Mrs. Scum, Pepperpot #3, Porter, Second Interviewer, Vicar, Waiter, 'Blackmail' Address Reader, 'End of Show Department' Assistant, 3,000 Year Old Letter Writer, A Forestry Expert, A Gumby, A Sniveling Little Rat-Faced Git, African Native, Alan Whicker #2, Albatross Person, Ali Bayan, Ali Byan, Animated Encyclopedia Salesman's Wife, Arthur 'Two Sheds' Jackson, Arthur Ewing, Arthur Frampton, Arthur Mee, Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer, Audrey Equator, Barbara, Barry Zeppelin, Bespectacled Weedy-Lance Corporal, Bishop, Bovril, Brian, Brigadier Mainwaring Smith Smith Smith, Buckingham, Bumpkin, Captain, Cardinal Biggles, Chairman, Charles Dickens, Chief Constable, Chief Program Planner, Chris's Mother, Cinema Manager, Clerk, Commentator, Construction Foreman, Critic, Customer, Detective, Dino Vercotti, Dr. Bruce Genuine, Dr. Cream, Dr. Manette, Emma Hamilton, Englishman, Ensign Oates, Erik Njorl, Ewan McTeagle, Female Peasant, Fifth City Gent, Fifth Old Idiot, Film Director, First Doctor, First Judge's Friend, First Man, First Officer, First Reporter, First Robert, First Smith, First Tramp, Flasher, Fourth City Idiot, Fourth Sailor, Francisco Huron, Frank's Wife, Gentleman stripper, George, German General, German Sergeant, Giuseppe, Groom, Gumby #4, Gumby Anesthetist, Gurt Svensson, Hamlet, Han, Harold Potter, Harold Voice, Harry, Heathcliff, Herbert Mental, Housewife, Ian Throat, MP, Inspector Davis...
Photos
Quotes
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Interviewer : Good evening. Tonight I have with me Mr. Norman St. John Polevaulter who, for the last few years, has been contradicting people. St. John Polevaulter, why do you contradict people?
Norman St. John Polevaulter : I don't!
Interviewer : But... You told me that you did.
Norman St. John Polevaulter : I most certainly did not!
Interviewer : [comprehending] Oh! I see. I'll start again.
Norman St. John Polevaulter : No, you won't.
Interviewer : Shh! I understand you *don't* contradict people.
Norman St. John Polevaulter : Yes, I do!
Interviewer : And when *didn't* you start contradicting them?
Norman St. John Polevaulter : I did! In 1952.
Interviewer : 1952?
Norman St. John Polevaulter : 1947!
Interviewer : 23 years ago.
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Mr Boniface : ["It's the Mind: A Weekly Magazine of Things Psychiatric"] Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before, that what is happening now has already happened tonight on "It's the Mind" we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we sometimes get that we've...
[looks puzzled]
Mr Boniface : Anyway, tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, shaken]
Mr Boniface : Good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of déjà vu, that strange feeling we someti... mes get... that... we've lived through something -
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Mr Boniface, visibly shaken]
Mr Boniface : Good... good evening. Tonight on "It's the Mind", we examine the phenomenon of d-d-d-d-d-déjà v-v-v-v-v-vu. That extraordinary feeling... quite extraordinary...
[trails off; the phone rings and he picks it up]
Mr Boniface : No, fine thanks, fine.
[a hand reaches in and sets a glass on the desk; Boniface drinks and the hand exits]
Mr Boniface : Oh thank you. That strange feeling we sometimes get that we've lived through something before.
[phone; he picks it up]
Mr Boniface : No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand comes in as before; he jumps]
Mr Boniface : Thank you. That strange feeling we...
[phone]
Mr Boniface : No, fine thank you, fine.
[hand with glass]
Mr Boniface : Thank you.
[jumps and yelps]
Mr Boniface : Look, something's happening to me. I-I-um, I think I'd better go and see someone. Good night.
[exits and boards the psychiatrist milk float outside]
Milkman : Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface : No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
["It's the Mind" opening titles again, then back to Boniface in the studio, nervously biting his nails. He sees the camera, screams with terror, and runs outside to the float]
Milkman : Oi, haven't I seen you somewhere before?
Mr Boniface : No, doctor, no. Something very funny's happening to me.
[a few minutes later, outside Dr Cream's office, Boniface jumps off and runs inside]
Dr Cream : Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface : I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, puzzled, and runs inside]
Dr Cream : Ah, come in. Now, what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface : I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, more shaken, and runs in]
Dr Cream : Ah, come in. Now what seems to be the matter?
Mr Boniface : I have this terrible feeling of déjà vu.
[outside, he jumps off the float, looks about, scared, and runs inside as the show ends]
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BBC Interviewer : The activity you see behind me is part of the preparations for the new Naval Expedition to Lake Pahoe. The man in charge of this expedition is Vice Admiral Sir John Cunningham. Sir, John, hello there.
Vice-Admiral Sir John Cunningham : Ah, hello. Well, first of all I'd like to apologize for the behaviour of certain of my colleagues you may have seen earlier, but they are from broken homes, circus families and so on and they are in no way representative of the new modern improved British Navy. They are a small vociferous minority... and may I take this opportunity of emphasizing that there is no cannibalism in the British Navy. Absolutely none, and when I say none, I mean there is a certain amount, more than we are prepared to admit, but all new ratings are warned that if they wake up in the morning and find tooth marks at all anywhere on their bodies, they're to tell me immediately so that I can immediately take every measure to hush the whole thing up. And, finally, necrophilia is *right out*.
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Ludovic : ['The Great Debate Number 31: TV4 Or Not TV4?'] Hello. Should there be another television channel or not? On tonight's programme, the Minister for Broadcasting, The Right Honourable Mr Ian Throat MP.
Mr Ian Throat : Good evening.
Ludovic : The chairman of the Amalgamated Money TV, Sir Abe Sappenheim.
Sir Abe Sappenheim : Good evening.
Ludovic : The Shadow Spokesman for Television, Lord Kinwoodie.
Lord Kinwoodie : Hello.
Ludovic : And a television critic, Mr Patrick Loone.
Mr Patrick Loone : Hello.
Ludovic : Gentlemen, should there be a fourth television channel or not? Ian?
Mr Ian Throat : Yes.
Ludovic : Francis?
Lord Kinwoodie : No.
Ludovic : Sir Abe?
Sir Abe Sappenheim : Yes.
Ludovic : Patrick?
Mr Patrick Loone : No.
Ludovic : Well there you have it, two say will, two say won't. We'll be back again next week, and next week's "Great Debate' will be about government interference in broadcasting and will be cancelled mysteriously.
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Vivian Smith-Smythe-Smith : My father needed a waste basket.
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Jacques Montgolfier : Don't forget we have a special guest coming this evening.
Joseph Montgolfier : Huh?
Jacques Montgolfier : Don't tell me you have forgotten already. The man who is giving us thousands of francs for our experiments.
Joseph Montgolfier : What man?
Jacques Montgolfier : Louis XIV!
Joseph Montgolfier : Isn't he dead?
Jacques Montgolfier : Evidently not.
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Chief Superintendent Lookout : [Inspector Tiger has been murdered] This house is surrounded. I must ask that no-one leave the room. I'm Chief Superintendent Lookout.
Lady Velloper : Lookout?
Chief Superintendent Lookout : [jumps] What, where? Oh, me, Lookout. Lookout of the Yard.
Lady Velloper : Why, what would we see?
Chief Superintendent Lookout : I'm sorry?
Lady Velloper : What would we see if we look out of the yard?
Chief Superintendent Lookout : ...I'm afraid I don't follow that at all. Aha. The body. So the murderer must be somebody in this room. Unless he had very long arms. Say thirty or forty feet. I think we can discount that one.
[starts laughing]
Chief Superintendent Lookout : Lookout of the Yard! Very good. Right, now we'll reconstruct the crime. I'll sit down here. Constable, you turn off the lights.
[lights out]
Chief Superintendent Lookout : Good. Now then, there was a scream, aaahhhhhhhhhh! Then just before the lights went up, there was a shot.
[a shot, lights on. Lookout has an arrow through his neck, poison in his lap, and bullet in his head]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer : All right... all right, the house is surrounded and nobody leave the room and all the rest of it. Allow me to introduce myself. I'm Assistnat Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer.
All : Theresamanbehindyer?
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer : Ah, you're not going to catch me with an old one like that. Right, let's reconstruct the crime. Constable, you be Inspector Tiger.
Policeman : Right, sir. Nobody leave the room ask shall. Somebody I leave nobody in the room body shall. Take the tablets Tigerbody.
[clapping from the others]
Policeman : Alself me to myduce introlow left body in the roomself.
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer : Good, very good. Just sit down there. Right, now we'll pretend the lights have gone out. Constable, you scream.
[constable screams]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer : Somebody shoots you...
[shoots constable point-blank]
Assistant Chief Constable Theresamanbehindyer : and the door opens...
Chief Constable Fire : Nobody move. I'm Chief Constable Fire.
All : Fire?
Chief Constable Fire : [jumps] Where? Where?
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Shrill Middle-aged Woman : But Kids were different in them days. They didn't have their heads filled with all this Cartesian Dualism!
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Sergeant : When someone pops a nice choccy in their mouths they don't want their cheeks pierced! Anyway, "Spring Surprise" is an inaccurate description of the sweetmeat. I'm afraid I shall have to ask you to accompany me to the Station.
Chocolatier : [Aside] It's a Fair Cop!
Sergeant : Stop talking to the camera!
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Shrill Middle-aged Woman : Bye! And mind you don't get Seduced!
