It's Tough to Be a Bird (1969)
Richard Bakalyan: Narrator
Quotes
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Narrator : I got news for you. We birds were used by your early explorers as navigators because we usually flew into the direction of land. You remember what Columbus said, don't you?
Christopher Columbus : [Italian accent] Follow-a that-a bird.
Narrator : And Leif Erikson?
Leif Erikson : [Scandinavian accent] Follow the bird.
Narrator : Both these boys claimed to be the first to set foot in the New World.
Christopher Columbus , Leif Erikson : *overlapping arguing*
Narrator : But we birds know who was here first.
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[spear hits Julius Caesar's 2-Headed eagle in the chest area of the shield]
Two-Headed Eagle A : Et tu, Brutus...
Two-Headed Eagle B as Brutus : Likewise...
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[soldiers from different armies, colored Red vs Blue, marching towards each other]
Narrator : When early armies met for battle, they depended on us birds to decide whether they would fight or not. They use the "sacred chicken" and some "sacred chicken feed".
[tongue twister]
Narrator : The sacred chicken was offered the sacred chicken feed. If the sacred chicken eat the sacred chicken feed, that meant there would be a fight. If the sacred chicken refused, there was no fight.
[chicken sees the feed, but refuses; the armies back away from each other]
Narrator : Which is how we started the expression, 'to chicken out.' Educational, is it not?
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Narrator : To show you how preoccupied you have been with us birds, you made us an indispensable part of your everyday language. To elucidate:
Narrator : Getting the bird...
[a man gets a flying badminton bird lodged in his mouth]
Narrator : Yardbird...
[a bird with a yardstick for a body]
Narrator : Birdbrain...
[a man with birds in his head]
Narrator : Lame duck...
[a roast duck with a bandaged leg]
Narrator : Bird-dog...
[a dog flapping in the sky with his long ears]
Narrator : Gooseneck...
[two geese kissing each other]
Narrator : Dovetail.
[two doves fitted their tail feathers in a dovetail formation]
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Narrator : Now just to put set the record straight... heh-heh... Listen to this:
[music starts]
Narrator : When we go splittin' out across the sky / somehow, we seem to make the buckshot fly / Folks keep objecting to our passing-by / Man, it's tough to be a bird /
Narrator : When we are in a tree and singing loud / 'cause we are happy and we look so proud / We take a beating from the slingshot crowd / Man, it's tough to be a bird /
Narrator : With BB's they bang us, they even boomerang us / from eagles to sparrows, they shaft us with the arrows, / they snare us, they trap us, and in a cage they clamp us / And what they think we need / is last week's paper to read /
Narrator : They chase us off the statues we like best / they take our eggs and sometimes 'eat' our nests / they pull our feathers out and call us 'dressed' /
Narrator : Man, it is tough...
[POW!]
Narrator : ...to be...
[POW!]
Narrator : ...a...
[POW!]
Narrator : ...bird!
[end music; rapid gunfire and explosion]
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Narrator : Your literary tastes left a lot to be desired too, that is until we, birds, provided the necessary inspiration. For instance, it was a well-known fact that Edgar Allan Poe was having his... hic!... troubles, until a certain raven came along to make him a genius.
Raven : [whispering] Once upon a midnight dreary, while I pondered, weak and weary... EEK!
Edgar Allan Poe : [grabs raven and uses him for a pen] Quoth the Raven, Nevermore.
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Narrator : Oh, think about this. If it were not for us birds, all you people out there would not be here today.
[picture shows scenery of the Great Flood and Noah's Ark during a rainstorm]
Narrator : You see, there was this fella, Noah, he sent this dove to look for land. When the dove returned, with an olive branch...
[dove carries an olive tree and drops it on the ark's roof]
Narrator : ... no one knew that okay for him and all the animals to come out, two by two.
Narrator : Lions, elephants, mice, zebras, giraffes, mustangs, geese...
Narrator : [plucks small itching bugs off from his head] ... and lice.
