- Roberto Tobias: Well, it's a bit risky, and, and I don't...
- Gianni Arrosio: Ah, yeah. And you're thinking this fairy will jump on a chair and scream bloody murder if he sees a mouse, right?
- Roberto Tobias: Yes, that's what I thought.
- Gianni Arrosio: Oh, you heterosexuals! I don't suppose you've ever had a homosexual experience?
- Roberto Tobias: Let's just forget it, man.
- Gianni Arrosio: You know, this case is a real challenge. Fortunately, the odds are in our favor.
- Roberto Tobias: The odds?
- Gianni Arrosio: Exactly. You see before you a fully-fledged, highly-qualified private investigator with an extensive knowledge of modern science at his very fingertips. And, in spite of this, in three years of honest practice, I haven't solved a single case.
- Roberto Tobias: Not even one...?
- Gianni Arrosio: Not even one.
- [Arrosio is stuffing his face with food at a local bar]
- Gianni Arrosio: Mmm. That was good. Who's paying? You? Well...
- Roberto Tobias: [to the cashier] What did he have?
- Cashier: A steak, three ham sandwiches, two hard-boiled eggs, and one bottle of beer.
- Roberto Tobias: [as he pays the cashier] I guess he wasn't that hungry.
- Diomede: [Godfrey and Roberto enter Godfrey's shed, talking right tohis pet parrot near the stove] Hey, Jerk-off!
- Roberto Tobias: What did I do?
- Diomede: No, not you... the parrot.
- Diomede: [approaches the stove and talks to his parrot] That's my food, Jerk-off!
- Masked Killer: [in a disguised, whispering voice] I could kill you know, but I won't. I'll wait. Who's going to help you? The police, perhaps? You can't ask anyone. You're all alone.
- Coffin Salesman: There is a discount of 25 per cent.
- Funeral Exhibition Visitor: Make it 15 and you've got a deal.
- Carlo Marosi: [telling a tale of a mad baron/scientist and his creation] And so, back to the lab. This time his monster's gonna have ... sex appeal! Unfortunately, the baron overdoes it, and the first thing the monster does is try to rape him. The baron escapes in the nick of time, but he's bugged by the thought that, maybe his monster's queer? No Way!