- Mr. Turnbull: The only thing that bothers me, it's the same announcement I sent to the papers about Kramer after he tore the dress off that secretary.
- Donald Beeman: We could start working this morning.
- Mr. Delasandro: You know, I'll have to be at my most ruthless and demanding. You may even learn to - hate me.
- Donald Beeman: Well, I don't care for you very much anyway.
- Vic: No hard feelings, Don-baby. You, too, sweetie. I just hope that sometime, someplace, I find a girl that can appreciate a good medium-priced brassiere.
- Donald Beeman: What if you gave me extra coaching lessons? I could work 24 hours a day, if necessary.
- Mr. Delasandro: To work that hard - would be unfair to your rabbit.
- Terrific-Looking Girl: I know what's been going on here. I'm beginning to get the picture. Right? Cheap broad like this, she's always up for grabs, right? A-huh. You saw your chance and you took it, right? A-huh. I step out of the room for a minute and you make your move. I know how this is gonna end. It always ends the same way. You're going to invite her up to your hotel room. Very casual, right? A little small talk first and *powee*, right? Huh? You're going to spring them right on her, huh? Those little fancy models with the seamless lace trimmings, huh? Give you added reinforcement with the underwiring for enticing push-up in those cocktail brassieres? You don't think I know about those? With the D.P.C.? Those Deep Plunge Cups? Yeah, and the other freaky models, huh? Give you extra push-up for added oomph? Stuff in your room that will make my merchandise look like crap!
- Mr. Seager: Sign here and here. I marked the places with an asterisk where you double as an emcee for the strippers.
- Donald Beeman: Ladies and gentlemen, I would like your attention. For, in just one short moment, a lady's gonna come out here and take off almost all of her clothes!
- Mr. Delasandro: Donald Beeman, I hereby designate you tap dancing magician magna cum laude. Pass your hand through the candle flame.
- Donald Beeman: What?
- Mr. Delasandro: Pass your hand through the flame. It's symbolic.
- Miss Parsons: I love magicians. Magic is my life, Mr. Beeman. You haven't seen my tricks, Mr. Beeman. I want to see your magic wand.
- [unzip's Donald's fly]
- Donald Beeman: Miss Parsons!
- Miss Parsons: Mr. Beeman, I won't hurt your magic wand.
- Terrific-Looking Girl: Oh, God. It's them!
- Donald Beeman: What?
- Terrific-Looking Girl: Those are the hands that - take the rabbit out of the hat. Oh, they just make me shivery. Ohh! Ah! Oh!
- Servo-Temp Secretary: Mr. Beeman, I have a message from Miss Simmons of Up Against The Wall, Incorporated. And she wanted me to make it clear that they ordinarily never send messages of this nature unless the situation is urgent. The message is: "60 seconds and it's your corporate ass." Thank you.
- Miss Simmons: [on the phone] Good morning. This is Miss Simmons, project coordinator for Up Against the Wall, Incorporated. Our organization planted a bomb in your office building. It's set to explode in six minutes.
- Paula: Let me put you on hold.
- [connects with his Secretary]
- Paula: Transfer this call to Donald.
- Mr. Delasandro: Now then, I'm the heckler, right? I've been needling you for the last ten minutes, right? Time now for you to strike back with all the style and wits at your command.
- Donald Beeman: Up yours, fella!
- Mr. Delasandro: Not bad. Not bad.
- Paula: Is that a little homework?
- Donald Beeman: Oh, each one of the students is issued one of these on enrollment and I thought I'd bring mine home because the instructor said one of the cardinal rules is, "get to know your rabbit." I got a good rabbit, too.
- Paula: It doesn't suit you!
- Vic: Just leave it to me, we're going to have ourselves one helluva bash. In the meantime, Don-baby, I hope you realize I got you in the back seat with a real expert, huh? I mean, just one look at her and you can tell she's the type of cheap broad that knows exactly what to do in the back of a car, huh?
- Vic: You must be new at this sort of thing, Don-baby. Is that type of cheap broad with no brassiere ever with anybody, huh? You know how much you can count on a cheap broad like that with no brassiere? Nowhere. Nothing. Zero.
- Vic: That's nice. That's very nice. Is that nice or not?
- Susan: Yes, it's very nice. It's nice.
- Vic: It's nice. That's what I said. Donald, Donald the show's over here, Donald.
- [takes Donald had and places it on Susan's breast]
- Vic: Know what I like about this, Donald? L and S. Never forget that. It lifts - and it separates, Donald. It lifts and separates. Huh?
- Donald Beeman: Is this all we'll be doing? Her just trying on bras?
- Vic: These are brassieres, Donald. Don't forget it.
- Donald Beeman: Oh, yeah. Brassieres.
- Vic: Yeah, you'll learn. Don't worry. I just gotta get a clearer picture of the situation. Now, keep your hand there. That's right.
- Vic: [bringing out a new set of bras] Look at this model. Now, here's a model that would reflect your basic earthiness - but, I mean, basic earthiness combined with a sense of breeding.
- Vic: [Susan is trying on bras] It's nice. It's very nice. Now, is that nice or not? Sweetie, with that model there, I guarantee you can get into any high-tone place in town. No questions asked. No, don't, don't primp, darling. Nobody likes a primper.
- Donald Beeman: I don't know exactly how to ask you this, but, how long have you been a cheap broad?
- Susan: Well, it's an off-and-on thing.
- Vic: How the hell are you, Donald-bay? Listen, Donald-baby, why don't we go to the party? We'll find it for ourselves, huh?
- Donald Beeman: Well, I was planning to spend a quiet evening rehearsing with my rabbit.
- Vic: Your rabbit. Ha! That's very funny. I like a sense of humor. Come on, put the rabbit down. We'll go and find the party. It would be crazy to pass up a little party like this. It started last night, it's gonna be going on for four or five more days. Come on, what do you say, huh?
- Donald Beeman: I guess my rabbit won't mind.
- Mr. Delasandro: No. No. No, no, no. Look at your hands. Look at them! You're holding your rabbit - all wrong.
- Donald Beeman: You're very pretty.
- Terrific-Looking Girl: Oh, glad you think so. This doesn't hurt or anything, does it?
- Donald Beeman: You're a terrific-looking girl.
- Terrific-Looking Girl: Really? Oh, I'm glad you think so.
- Donald Beeman: Hi. I'm Donald Beeman, tap dancing magician.
- Mr. Reese: Well, that's all going to have to wait for now. Because I just got a phone call from my wife. There's a man under our porch.
- Strip Club Patron: Hey, are you from Beaver Falls, honey?
- Donald Beeman: My rabbit caught a little cold, but is fine now.
- Mr. Turnbull: That's fine. That's fine.
- Donald Beeman: I'm really living life at the gut level.