"Come September, this is the place to be with ABC."
The movie stars Tuesday Weld, who no doubt was born on a Wednesday.
I love all the VHS ripples streaming down my DVD-R copy.
Gotta love those video pirates from back in the day stealing entertainment.
You can tell this movie is from a different time period when the chauvinistic pig Dean lets our female school teacher know that she's intruding in a man's world.
Let me rewind what he just said.
Women should be held in corrals and sold like cattle.
We're in some exclusive Hogwarts boarding school for naughty boys that's run by men who were probably grilled and faced an inquest in 2024 as the past caught up to them and their actions.
The start of the movie isn't too hot, and that is why I deducted points from my rating, not to mention that I nearly ejected the movie.
A cracker of a storm rages, and so does the Dean, who expresses his disdain for everything about the school and lets his intentions known that the property is valued at $3 million, so I take it this will be a movie about greed and killing people off to claim insurance.
The Dean kind of resembles Norman Bates.
One surly-looking kid, Damien, most likely, reads the room and knows that two female teachers are plotting to have Dean Bates killed, and tags along with interest.
It's not Norman Bates, but he sure is a control freak.
Mia Farrow and the other bowl-cut one become victims of domestic violence and suffer in silence at the hands of Dean Bates.
He smacks Rosemary Woodhouse around, which only reinforces the murder pact sisters decision to approve their green light to snuff him out, and I got a dollar says that Omen kid Damien turns on Dean Bates as an accomplice. It'll probably turn all 'Lord of the Flies' possibly.
The Space Needle? Oh, we're in Seattle. Here, I was thinking it looked British.
The two abused teachers take their abuse, plan, weave basket, and a ferry across to the mainland, where they're up to something untoward in a plot of revenge. A trap is baited to lure Dean Bates over, and it's a case of 'Predator' boy scout bull stuff wait and see patience.
In preparation, Johnny Walker Black Label is spiked with sedative forte. With the trap sprung and Predator on his way, maybe this movie will let me in on what it's all about or where it's going. Dean Predator arrives, and there's no "Good evening, how are you?" Only a "I ought to kill you!" greeting. Offer Bates the drink already, lady! He takes the bait and slurps down two large Viking serves. The Johnny Walker Spiked Label starts taking effect, and is this going to end up like the movie 'Audition?'
Now that Bates has been drugged, what are these two members of the education board going to do now? They're responsible adults left in the care of children, mind you. And here they are murdering a man with premeditated actions.
Or, more importantly, what role is that weave basket going to play? And why didn't Damien come along for the murder?
Bates is hauled into a bathtub and drowned. He comes around, and a paper weight is required to anchor him to the bottom. Stand on him or fill the tub up a bit more, damn you! It's a case of die hard, man. He won't concede defeat. Die already, dude! Waste Bates.
It takes around 42 minutes to erase Dean Bates from the movie, and he is pronounced dead.
The two chicks better pray that Jessica Fletcher isn't put on the case because she'd solve this whole case with the gnome Rosemary Woodhouse just left out in the hallway.
For having just killed a man, these two chicks sure are composed and have nerves of steel.
The next morning doesn't consist of breakfast or cosmetics; instead, it's spent dragging a dead body around in the weave basket. It's a tight fit and barely fits in the car. They're halfway there, getting away with murder. And a few close calls by some nosy parkers make for some tense moments. Hold your breath now as one of the Chips boys rolls up and sweats them some more over a flat tire and the contents of the weave basket.
Hmm, they changed that tire in less than a minute.
A hubcap is left behind, and there's another clue Jessica Fletcher will piece together if it comes down to that. She'd find a serial number, nail polish, or something on that hubcap to connect the two teachers with.
Taking the ferry back across to the island, it has to be asked why they didn't just dump the weave basket into the ocean midway to improve their chances. It's not like a boat has rear-view mirrors.
Instead, they dump him in a pool on the school grounds in a plot that will unravel any moment now.
Already, the coach detects something's going awry. Who needs Jessica Fletcher when you have a basketball coach playing sleuth?
They've managed to conceal the body for a day or two, but now they want the body to resurface?
Wait a minute! What if Dean Bates cheated death and is still alive?
Stress levels start to crack on Tuesday Weld, when it slowly sinks in that she was born on a Wednesday.
With a body found in a newspaper, the one with the bob weave goes to view the corpse at the morgue, and he's pulled out like a pizza in an oven, but it's the wrong corpse.
A rift arises between the two murderers, and one confesses all to the Damien kid. Of all people, that little monster?
The bob weave teacher looks like she's dying of fever.
In a shocking, eye-opening scene, Dean Bates rises from the dead in a reimagined bath tub scene, and the school teacher dies of a heart attack before the fever can get to her. I'm actually holding my breath here while watching this scene.
The whole thing's a shemozzle though, as Rosemary Woodhouse and Dean Bates were in on it from the outset as conspirators of an elaborate plan to play the one with the fever for a fool.
I omitted a vital piece to the ending of the movie from my review. Let's just say that a door is left opened for a sequel. It's a question of who actually played who.
Decent acting, decent drama, decent movie.
Good stuff.
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