Barney Miller (TV Series 1975–1982) Poster

(1975–1982)

Hal Linden: Capt. Barney Miller, Capt. Bernard J. 'Barney' Miller

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Photos 

Ron Glass, Milt Kogan, and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Abe Vigoda, Max Gail, and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Abe Vigoda, Max Gail, Ron Glass, Hal Linden, and Jack Soo in Barney Miller (1975) David L. Lander and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Max Gail and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Linda Lavin and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Abe Vigoda, Max Gail, Ron Glass, Hal Linden, and Gregory Sierra in Barney Miller (1975) Abe Vigoda and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Hal Linden and Dick O'Neill in Barney Miller (1975) Abe Vigoda and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Nancy Dussault, Max Gail, Hal Linden, and Lavelle Roby in Barney Miller (1975) Barbara Barrie and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Ron Glass, Hal Linden, and Gregory Sierra in Barney Miller (1975) Max Gail and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Max Gail and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Hal Linden and Gregory Sierra in Barney Miller (1975) Sully Boyar, Hal Linden, and Gregory Sierra in Barney Miller (1975) Barbara Barrie and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Ron Glass and Hal Linden in Barney Miller (1975) Paul Lieber, Hal Linden, and Arthur Malet in Barney Miller (1975) Don Calfa, Ron Carey, Hal Linden, and Jack Somack in Barney Miller (1975) 161 more photos

Quotes 

  • Captain Barney Miller : [to Harris, who is stoned on hashish brownies]  I want you to go home until you feel better.

    Detective Ron Harris : [grinning]  Hey, I'll go home... but I ain't never gonna feel better!

    Captain Barney Miller : And I don't want you driving a car; take the bus.

    Detective Ron Harris : Okay... wait. If I can't drive a car...

    [laughing] 

    Detective Ron Harris : I better not try to drive a BUS!

  • Wojo : [arriving at stakeout location, carrying cases of equipment]  Hey Barn! I got everything we need! I got 10-gauge shotguns, 12-gauge shotguns, tow phone, and

    [opens largest case] 

    Wojo : tear gas!

    Captain Barney Miller : Did you bring a chair?

    Wojo : Chair?

    Captain Barney Miller : [gestures to empty apartment]  There's no place to sit down.

    Wojo : Ooh, sorry.

    Captain Barney Miller : [looks into equipment case]  I see you brought grenades too, huh?

    Wojo : Just a thought.

    Captain Barney Miller : If we don't use all this stuff, you're not going to feel bad, are you?

    Wojo : [hangs head]  No.

  • Captain Barney Miller : [while getting ready for a stakeout]  Fish, we're going to have to draw special weapons.

    Wojo : [Extremely excited about being allowed to go on his first stakeout]  Hey, let me do it! I'll go down to the armory. Let's see, what do we need? Shotguns! Tear gas! Gas masks!

    [He leaves the squadroom to go draw the weapons] 

    Fish : [Observing Wojo's enthusiam about the weapons]  Nice boy.

    Captain Barney Miller : It takes so little to make him happy.

  • Detective Ron Harris : Barney, his wife has decided not to press charges, so I let him go after giving him that spiel you always give about "not losing one's perspective."

    Captain Barney Miller : I'm... flattered that you chose to use it.

    Detective Ron Harris : Well, I thought it oughta be in the public domain *by now*...

  • Barney Miller : That's not the way we operate around here. We do everything by the book, according to regulations, above board.

    Del Veccio : I believe you.

    Barney Miller : You don't look like you do.

    Del Veccio : It's my face. I mean this face doesn't look like it trusts anybody. When I proposed to my wife, she thought I was joking. This face is a curse.

  • Barney Miller : [after Chano and Fish return from a bank robbery and Chano is acting very strangely]  What happened?

    Fish : Two armed men. One with a shotgun. One with a handgun. Shot a guard. Held six people hostage and threatened to kill them if we didn't let them go. It'd have gone on all day if *someone* didn't get inside.

    Barney Miller : Apparently someone did.

    Fish : Chano... killed both of them.

  • Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : [walks tiredly into the Squad Room]  Good morning.

    Barney Miller : [looks at watch]  You're late.

    Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : I interviewed a *lot* of women last night that got dirty phone calls. I had to take down *all* of the conversations. I got names. I got addresses. I also got excited.

    [indicates notepads] 

    Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Do you want me to type up these reports?

    Barney Miller : Maybe you'd better let Fish do it.

    Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Good.You know, these guys that make dirty phone calls gotta be very lonely people. They spend so much time talking on the telephone they never get to meet anybody.

    Barney Miller : I wish he'd start writing dirty letters. Then the Post Office could worry about it.

  • Captain Barney Miller : So Dietrich, big plans for the weekend?

    Dietrich : No, I'm staying home. I've gotten involved in the New Celibacy Movement.

    Captain Barney Miller : Oh, Yeah?. what's that?

    Dietrich : Its a movement for people who are fed up with the whole shallow dating scene.

    Captain Barney Miller : Couldn't get a date, huh?

    Dietrich : Not a single one.

  • Barney Miller : [searching the files for a bombing suspect]  Who else you got?

    Yemana : [looks at file folder]  Sheldon "Boom-Boom" Hockster.

    Barney Miller : "Boom-Boom"?

    Yemana : You'd be amazed at how many of these guys are named "Boom-Boom".

  • Det. Sgt. Chano Amenguale : Hey, Barney, do you think Kelly's just a big mouth? Or, is he really going to try to make trouble?

    Barney Miller : I think Kelly is just a big mouth... who's really going to try to make trouble.

    Yemana : He's probably after me. Kelly's always had a thing about Orientals being on the police force. He says we screw up the look of the Saint Patrick's Day Parade.

  • Elizabeth Miller : Here's a brochure from our travel agent about crossing on the S.S. France. It costs about $4,000 one way. Now, these are the three best hotels in Paris: Plaza AcadÈ, the Bristol and the Creon. The villa in the South of France costs $1,250 a week. Then we fly back to Paris and then back to New York. That makes the whole thing cost $26,000 for six weeks. Can we afford it?

    Barney Miller : No.

    Elizabeth Miller : Okay.

    [tosses brochure in the garbage] 

    Elizabeth Miller : How about taking me to lunch?

    Barney Miller : You didn't have to go through all that just to get me to take you to lunch.

    Elizabeth Miller : I thought you would be more excited about the idea if you thought I saved you $26,000.

  • Dietrich : Was that Mrs. Miller?

    Barney Miller : Yeah.

    Dietrich : Past tense was unintentional.

  • Fish : The doctor said he was very lucky, the bullet just grazed him.

    Barney Miller : Where'd she hit him?

    Fish : In the inseam.

  • Barney Miller : [sees Fish limping]  What's the matter with your foot?

    Fish : Gout.

    Barney Miller : Rich cooking, huh?

    Fish : No. *Poor* cooking, but rich food.

  • Captain Barney Miller : Take Officer LEVITT with you.

    Insp. Frank Luger : Hunh? Okay. Let's go Levine.

    [Levitt rolls his eys and joins him] 

  • Captain Barney Miller : Arrest the first naked guy you see with a dirty mouth.

  • Captain Barney Miller : [discovering that the squadroom has been vandalized, Barney reads graffiti spray-painted in the hallway]  "Captain Miller is a dirty m... " Ha, ha, ha, marvelous.

  • Barney Miller : What happened Levitt?

    Levitt : I talked it over with a couple of doctors and they said 'forget it'.

    Barney Miller : Incurable, hunh?

    Levitt : Yes sir. Five six and a half, that's it.

See also

Release Dates | Official Sites | Company Credits | Filming & Production | Technical Specs


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