Semi-Tough (1977)

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : I've been tellin' Barbara Jane about B.E.A.T.

Friedrich Bismark : Well, I hope you're not looking for any answers.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Oh, I don't even know the questions.

Friedrich Bismark : There aren't any questions. That's why there aren't any answers.

Barbara Jane Bookman : [they're watching the wedding degenerate into a brawl] Friedrich is right about one thing... I sure am an asshole.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Friedrich is an asshole.

Barbara Jane Bookman : [raises her veil and stares at him] Say that again?

Billy Clyde Puckett : [deliberately] Friedrich is an asshole.

Barbara Jane Bookman : [incredulous] You didn't get *it*?

Billy Clyde Puckett : In the immortal words of Gene Autry... nope.

Barbara Jane Bookman : [realizing] You son-of-a...

Barbara Jane Bookman : [U.S. Customs inspectors questioning Barbara Jane about a fur coat] Oh, I got this at Neiman's a couple years ago. It cost about $3,000. I mean, I spend all my money in the U.S. You know, I wouldn't give those Africans any of my money.

Barbara Jane Bookman : That pisses me off! I'm telling you, America is the only country in the world that treats its citizens like they were crooks. Oh, they make me so fucking mad.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : You make yourself mad. It's got nothing to do with them.

Billy Clyde Puckett : What the hell did you do with that guy on the plane? Join the mile-high club?

Barbara Jane Bookman : You know what you are - you're deliberately perverse.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Is that good?

Barbara Jane Bookman : No.

Barbara Jane Bookman : I mean, Gene Autry? Who listens to Gene Autry?

Billy Clyde Puckett : I listen to Gene Autry.

Barbara Jane Bookman : You're also retarded.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Orgies?

Bud McNair : Within the bounds of good taste. What kind of orgies?

Billy Clyde Puckett : What kind of orgies you want? We got your post-game orgies, your pre-game orgies.

Bud McNair : You mean, before a game?

Billy Clyde Puckett : Sure! That's how we get so loose. How do you think we beat Baltimore the other night? Nothing like an orgy to loosen you up. Now, you take old Shake here, he's just about all orgied out. Ain't you Shake?

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : No question about it.

Billy Clyde Puckett : No question about it. And Barbara Jane, she just loves it.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Asshole. You shut up.

Billy Clyde Puckett : She hasn't missed one yet.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Where's the bearskin rug?

Billy Clyde Puckett : T.J. Lambert's got it.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : He had it.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Had it?

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : Right.

Billy Clyde Puckett : He came in here the other night. There was a stewardess laying there on the rug. He just rolled her up like a burrito and took off with her.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : I heard he ate the rug, too.

Barbara Jane Bookman : I guess I'm home.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : Welcome back.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Would you quit acting like a landlady?

Barbara Jane Bookman : I am a landlady.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Well, in the immortal words of Gene Autry, "If you don't care to love me, I wish you'd leave me alone."

Barbara Jane Bookman : Shake, what is going on with you?

Billy Clyde Puckett : I'll tell you what's going on with him. He's found himself.

Barbara Jane Bookman : I didn't know he was lost.

Barbara Jane Bookman : You'd diddle an alligator if somebody drained the pond.

Billy Clyde Puckett : You don't have to drain the pond.

Barbara Jane Bookman : All you care about is fucking and football, in that order.

Billy Clyde Puckett : True.

Billy Clyde Puckett : [on set at a commercial shoot with Shake] It's gonna be all right once they start rolling.

Barbara Jane Bookman : If you don't fuck him up.

Billy Clyde Puckett : I'm trying to help me. I'm the one who has experience.

Barbara Jane Bookman : You did one commercial, Billy Clyde.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Well, that's experience.

Barbara Jane Bookman : You call that experience? For condoms?

Billy Clyde Puckett : It was a good product. "Come on, boys, stick it in. It won't pinch. It's paper thin."

Barbara Jane Bookman : You found yourself? For real?

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : Well, what's real?

Billy Clyde Puckett : Shit.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : There's lots of people getting into that stuff like B.E.A.T. now, and not just fucked-up people. Like movie actors and rock stars. People like, eh, what's his name? John Denver. Valerie Harper, Joe Namath.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Makes you feel better?

Big Ed Bookman : Just how come you the one always paying alimony?

Barbara Jane Bookman : Well, I'm the one who wanted out. It seemed fair.

Big Ed Bookman : When it comes to money, sticking it in the other fella's gizzard, that's fair.

Big Ed Bookman : We're in the playoff now. We're in the spotlight of publicity. It don't look right, my daughter living with two of my players.

Barbara Jane Bookman : I'm not sleeping with them, Daddy.

Big Ed Bookman : That's what I mean. It ain't normal. You're a grown woman, Barbara Jane. How you think it looks? You living with them and not doing it? Folks will think you all a passel of - I don't know - whatever they call them.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Friends.

Big Ed Bookman : It's goddamn unnatural!

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : I went to B.E.A.T.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Went to beat who?

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : Bismark Energy Attack Training. It helps you get your head together. It teaches you to live in the present.

Billy Clyde Puckett : You know, you were right about one thing. There comes a point in a man's life when he's got to think of something other than fucking and football.

Barbara Jane Bookman : I don't think you've reached that time.

Billy Clyde Puckett : There's a 7.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : The one in red?

Billy Clyde Puckett : Yeah.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : Yeah. She looks about semi-rich. Woah, son! There's a woman that might be a 9.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Where's a 9?

Billy Clyde Puckett : You're the only 9 I know.

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : 8 1/2.

Barbara Jane Bookman : 10.

Billy Clyde Puckett : Ain't no such thing as a 10.

Barbara Jane Bookman : Are you gonna start that shit again?

Marvin 'Shake' Tiller : You're real close, honey, but you ain't no 10.