Love at First Bite (1979)

Arte Johnson: Renfield

Photos 

Quotes 

• Renfield : I thought you were having fun.

  Count Dracula : Fun? How would you like to go around looking like a head waiter for 700 years?

• Commissare Woman : Either you spend the rest of your life in an efficiency apartment with seven dissidents and one toilet, or you gather your aristocratic shit together and split!

  [storms out] 

  Count Dracula : Renfield.

  Renfield : Yes, master.

  Count Dracula : What is an efficiency apartment?

  Renfield : I don't know, master. What's a toilet?

• Renfield : I think they're from the government.

  Count Dracula : How do you know?

  Renfield : They're wearing shoes.

• Count Dracula : We're going to make a hoist.

  Renfield : Heist!

  Count Dracula : [frustrated]  Heist! Heist, heist.

• [Renfield opens a refrigerator at the blood bank that's stocked with units of blood] 

  Renfield : Master! We hit the jackpot!

  Count Dracula : Only in America! Plastic disposable bodies! It's like a supermarket!

• Cindy Sondheim : [to Renfield]  Why did you tell him that?

  Dr. Jeffrey Rosenberg : Because the bad guys always tell the good guys what they're going to do just before they try to kill them.

  Renfield : He's absolutely right, Miss Cindy, that's part of the rules. But in this case, WE are the good guys.

• Renfield : Master, please be careful!

  Count Dracula : What is it?

  Renfield : You nearly stepped on my dinner!

  [a black beetle] 

  Count Dracula : Forgive me. Bon appetit!

• Stewardess : Pardon me. Would you like chicken Kiev, Chateaubriand or veal cutlet Florentine for lunch?

  Renfield : Everything you mentioned is dead. Don't you have anything that's alive and kicking?

  Lady on plane with Cat : [scoffs at Renfield]  I'll have the chicken Kiev, miss. Oh, why don't you bring a nice juicy mouse for little Salome here?

  Renfield : Could I have one, too?

  [the lady laughs and Renfield laughs with her] 

• [Renfield and the Count drive up to a blood bank in a hearse] 

  Count Dracula : You did real well, Renfield.

  Renfield : Thank you, Master.

  Count Dracula : A combination getaway car and mobile home!

• Renfield : You have 30 seconds to tell me where Miss Sondheim is, or...

  Cindy's Modeling Agent : Or what? You'll eat your lunch in my office?

  Renfield : No-o-o, my lunch will eat you.

• [to Dracula and Renfield] 

  Nurse at Bloodbank : If you two freaks don't get out of here, I AM GOING TO SCREAM MY HEAD OFF!

  Renfield : If you scream loudly, they'll think you where frightened by a mouse.

  [Renfield places a live mouse above the opening in the nurse's blouse - the nurse screams and runs out of the room. Renfield laughs] 

• Renfield : [emptying the blood bank's refrigerator of all its blood bags]  Master, it will be wonderful at the reception when you marry Miss Cindy!

  [sings] 

  Renfield : Oooh, how they danced, on the night, that they bled...

  Count Dracula : [holding up a test tube full of blood]  I propose a toast. Here's blood in your eye!