Dangerous Davies: The Last Detective (1981 TV Movie)

Bernard Cribbins: Dangerous Davies

Quotes 

• [Madame Tarantella, a fortune teller, is talking about her romance with Fennell] 

  Madame Tarantella : I couldn't see a future for us together.

  Dangerous Davies : If you couldn't, who could?

• [Ena Lind is telling Dangerous about the places in the sports club where Dave Boot used to make love to her and Celia] 

  Ena Lind : So there we were, in the storeroom, starkers. Not a stitch on.

  Dangerous Davies : And that's when it happened?

  Ena Lind : On the trampoline. Didn't half kick up a dust.

  Dangerous Davies : And there were others?

  Ena Lind : Oh lots. Celia and me saw him having it off with Roxanne Potts one night.

  Dangerous Davies : On the trampoline?

  Ena Lind : No. Across the club vaulting horse.

  Dangerous Davies : He used all the equipment, then.

  Ena Lind : Oh, he was a trained gymnast.

• [talking about Dangerous's wife] 

  Mod Lewis : What made you propose marriage to a woman like that?

  Dangerous Davies : It was lack of conversation. There was an awkward silence and I couldn't think of anything else to say.

• Dangerous Davies : Naughty boy again Albert?

  Albert : A bit drunk, Dangerous. Just 'avin' a pee.

  Sergeant Ben : In Sainsbury's.

• [Dangerous and Mod are very drunk as they walk back late at night from the pub to their lodgings in Mrs Fulljames's house. A horse suddenly appears, walking along the road towards them] 

  Mod Lewis : Do you see a horse?

  Dangerous Davies : Indeed I do. That looks like the rag-and-bone man's animal. It should be tethered. It constitutes a danger to traffic.

  Mod Lewis : Why not tether it to Mrs Fulljames's door-knocker?

  [they chuckle] 

  Dangerous Davies : What a lovely idea. Hey, Mod, there's nothing to tie it on with.

  Mod Lewis : Wait. Hold fast a minute. Why don't we just push him inside?

  Dangerous Davies : What a bloody fine thought. That'll give her some *real* cavalry.

  [Mod holds the front door open while Dangerous leads the horse up the steps and into the hall. They run away chuckling. When they return the following morning, the fire brigade are there, leading the horse away and hosing the carpets. Mrs Fulljames is at an upstairs window] 

  Mrs. Fulljames : [frantically]  Did you put that horse in my house? Did you two do it? This horse has pooped everywhere. Every bloody where. Up the passage, up the stairs, in the front room.

  Dangerous Davies : [to a fireman]  You'd better get the jumping sheet. I think she's going to topple out any minute.