First Family (1980)

Gilda Radner: Gloria Link

Photos 

Quotes 

• Gloria Link : I wish Dad were a street car conductor or something.

  Mrs. Constance Link : Well of course you do. Millions and millions of people do, dear. But he's not. And we have to be happy with that.

• Mrs. Constance Link : Don't you see, dear, that the commander in chief of the greatest armed force in the entire free world cannot have the people saying that his daughter is a nymphomaniac.

  Gloria Link : For gosh sake, Mom, how can you say I'm a nymphomaniac when I've never even done it.

  Mrs. Constance Link : Dear, it's not what you've done that counts, dear, it's what people will think you've done.

  Gloria Link : Yeah, well, I've never even been alone with a boy for more than 10 minutes.

• Gloria Link : Now, he's been President for four years and I haven't even had a real date.

  Mrs. Constance Link : That's right dear; because, someone like yourself must set an example.

  Gloria Link : Mom, I am 28 years old!

• Mrs. Constance Link : Now, you want the respect and admiration of the people, don't you?

  Gloria Link : Yeah.

  Mrs. Constance Link : Yes, of course, you do.

  Gloria Link : But, not as much as I want to do it. Just once. Just to see what it feels like.

• Gloria Link : Do you and Dad still, um, you know, do it?

  Mrs. Constance Link : We do. We - we do it - now and then. We do it - when our busy schedule permits.

• Mrs. Constance Link : What about that nice young man who came to dinner last week with his parents? What was he? He was the son of the Secretary of something or other.

  Gloria Link : He looks like a turnip.

  Mrs. Constance Link : He looks like a turnip, dear, that's right; because, his mother looks like a turnip. But! Looks are not everything. He seemed like a very intelligent boy.

  Gloria Link : He's a fairy!

  Mrs. Constance Link : He is a fairy, my dear. Well, that's because his father's a fairy. But, that does not mean that you cannot have a very nice relationship with him.

  Gloria Link : Well, Mom, that's not the kind of relationship I want!

• Gloria Link : I want to be like real people. I mean, I just want to put on old comfortable clothes and stuff and drive a nice sports car down to the beach and run along the sand and maybe meet a nice, tall, average, blond guy. Or, maybe three or four. And lie down on a blanket and they like rip my clothes off and start grabbing at me everywhere and I moan and scream dirty words and then I'm carried off into a pitch of ecstasy and then we start performing every kind of bizarre, physical act, rolling over and over, until we're smothered and I'm just trapped in hot male flesh and...

• Gloria Link : Don't you ever wish you could throw off all your clothes, run on all fours through the woods with nothing but your hot, hot blood rushing through all your arteries?

  Dr. Alexander Grade : Well, not on all fours.