S.O.B. (1981)

Robert Webber: Ben Coogan

Photos 

Quotes 

• [Polly Reed is about to enter through the back door] 

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : I remember this scene in "The Thing." There was this horrible monster on the other side of the...

  Ben Coogan : [distressed]  Will you shut up! I swear...

  [Polly Reed comes through the kitchen door] 

  Ben Coogan : Hi, Polly!

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Amazing coincidence! I was just talking about you.

  Polly Reed : Oh, were you really, Irving?

• Ben Coogan : What are we going to do with him? It?

  Tim Culley : I've been thinking: a burial at sea.

  Ben Coogan : Beautiful. A burial at sea.

  Ben Coogan : I don't like to be a party pooper, but I get seasick.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : A-ha! The last of your excremental bodily functions! Worthy of the Guinness Book of Records.

• Ben Coogan : [looking at Felix's corpse with a fishing rod in his hands]  What if he catches something?

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : [laughs] 

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : Ben, do you realize that in a matter of a few hours you have demonstrated most of your excremental bodily functions.

  Ben Coogan : I haven't sneezed.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : A sneeze is expiratory, not excremental.

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : What is that?

  Tim Culley : Sounds like someone left a faucet running.

  Ben Coogan : I'm peeing!

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Into what?

  Ben Coogan : My pants!

• [after placing Felix's corpse in the back seat of a convertible] 

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : He'd be less conspicuous if he had his eyes open.

  Ben Coogan : He'd be less conspicuous if he was back in his box!

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : He bought her this boat on their 14th wedding anniversary. They sailed her to Catalina. Sally flew home. I don't think Felix has been on her more than once or twice since then.

  Ben Coogan : No wonder Sally wants a divorce.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Because he bought her a boat?

  Ben Coogan : Well, he's only been on her once or twice since!

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : On the BOAT!

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : If he doesn't remember me, mention his first clap.

  Ben Coogan : I'm gonna kill you one day!

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : I didn't give it to him. I cured him!

• Tim Culley : You stay in the car.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Who stay in the car?

  Tim Culley : Him. Stay in the car.

  Ben Coogan : I don't wanna stay in the car.

  Tim Culley : Look, we've got to be sly and stealthy, and you're too pissed!

  Ben Coogan : Bullshit, I can be just as sty and slealthy as you can.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : It's rise or fall together, culley. It's The Three Muscatels.

• Ben Coogan : [Observing Sally Miles on the set, who is acting noticeably high after Dr. Finegarten's dressing room injection]  Is she gonna' be all right?

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : [matter-of-factly]  Well, it depends on what you mean by "all right." I once cured an amateur skydiver of acute acrophobia. Now, you could say he was all right, because he was able to jump. But you could also say he was *not* all right, because he was so stoned he neglected to open his parachute.

  Ben Coogan : You know, Irving, you're a real *twat*!

• Ben Coogan : [Culley, Ben and Dr. Finegarten are toasting Felix, whose corpse is seated with them at the table]  To our late, great host.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : A sweet soul adrift in a sea of sour grapes.

  Ben Coogan : "A sea of sour grapes"?

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Think about it.

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : He'll be fine. But i'm not so sure about you, Ben.

  Ben Coogan : What's the matter?

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : You look like 180 pounds of condemned veal.

• Sally Miles : My public will see! My children will see!

  Felix Farmer : It will be R-rated. They won't even let them in!

  Sally Miles : But they'll know! Don't you care if they know? God, Felix, they're your children, too.

  Felix Farmer : Sophia Loren has children. I hear she's a wonderful mother. She would never do anything to hurt her children, And God knows the public has seen her...

  Sally Miles : Oh, I know!

  Felix Farmer : Ben? Culley?

  Tim Culley : Glenda Jackson.

  Felix Farmer : Glenda Jackson! A fantastic mother.

  Ben Coogan : Venessa. Vanessa Redgrave.

  Felix Farmer : You'll never find a better mother. Somebody who's not English.

  Tim Culley : Jane Fonda.

  Felix Farmer : Jane Fonda!

  Tim Culley : Shirley MacLaine.

  Felix Farmer : Shirley MacLaine!

  Ben Coogan : Liv Ullmann! Liv Ullmann!

  Felix Farmer : Liv Ullmann?

  Ben Coogan : I think so.

  Felix Farmer : [respectfully]  Liv - Ullmann.

• Ben Coogan : Come on. I want to fight you!

  Tim Culley : What for? You know I can lick you.

  Ben Coogan : Well, right, that's why.

• Ben Coogan : I'm so damn ashamed of so many things I've done and I didn't do and I should have and I didn't and I did 'em anyway.

• Ben Coogan : Bullshit.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Bullshit?

  Ben Coogan : Bullshit! I mean, S.O.B. Standard Operational Bullshit!

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : "In grateful appreciation from the cast and crew of 'The Pagan Plunder'." I never saw that one.

  Ben Coogan : Terrible reviews, grossed a fortune.

• Dr. Irving Finegarten : Are you still peeing?

  Ben Coogan : No, but now I've gotta - clench.

  Dr. Irving Finegarten : Draw up. Think about being sodomized by a bull elephant.