Stripes (1981)

Harold Ramis: Russell

Photos 

Quotes 

• Recruiter : Have you ever been convicted of a felony or a misdemeanor? That's robbery, rape, car theft, that sort of thing.

  John Winger : Convicted? No.

  Russell Ziskey : Never convicted.

• Recruiter : Now, are either of you homosexuals?

  John Winger : [John and Russell look at each other]  You mean, like, flaming, or...

  Recruiter : Well, it's a standard question we have to ask.

  Russell Ziskey : No, we're not homosexual, but we are *willing to learn*.

  John Winger : Yeah, would they send us someplace special?

  Recruiter : I guess that's "no" on both. Now if you could just give Uncle Sam your autograph...

• John Winger : C'mon, it's Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick 'em up, we zip right out again. We're not going to Moscow. It's Czechoslovakia. It's like going into Wisconsin.

  Russell Ziskey : Well I got the shit kicked out of me in Wisconsin once. Forget it!

• Russell Ziskey : You could join a monastery.

  John Winger : Did you ever see a monk get wildly fucked by some teenage girls?

  Russell Ziskey : Never.

  John Winger : So much for the monastery.

• Russell Ziskey : [trying to teach the platoon to march]  C'mon, rhythm! Hut, 2, 3, 4. Black guys help the white guys...

• Russell Ziskey : John, do you think I'm officer material?

  John Winger : God, I'm worried about you.

  Russell Ziskey : Come on! I'm in good shape, I'm walking tall, I'm looking good. First weekend in Europe.

  John Winger : Yeah. We're spending it in an airplane hangar... guarding a truck!

  Russell Ziskey : We've got each other.

• Russell Ziskey : I've always been kind of a pacifist. When I was a kid, my father told me, "Never hit anyone in anger, unless you're absolutely sure you can get away with it." I don't know what kind of soldier I'm gonna make, but I want you guys to know that if we ever get into really heavy combat... I'll be right behind you guys. Every step of the way.

• [when Russell is teaching English class] 

  Russell Ziskey : Okay, I know you're anxious to jump right in and start speaking English, but there's a couple of things I need to know first, because I've never done this before. So, how many of you would say you speak English fairly well, but with some difficulties?

  [pause] 

  Russell Ziskey : A little English?

  [a man raises his hand] 

  Russell Ziskey : Yes? You speak some English?

  Man learning English : Son of bitch. Shit.

  Class : [in unison]  Son of bitch. Shit.

• John Winger : Come on. Let's take the truck.

  [John stares at Russell. Russell looks away from the manual to John, then up to the EM-50] 

  Russell Ziskey : Nooo.

  John Winger : Oh yeah.

  Russell Ziskey : Nooo.

  John Winger : Oh-ho, yeah.

  Russell Ziskey : No, no.

  John Winger : Oh-oh...

  Russell Ziskey : No.

  John Winger : ...yeah, yeah...

  Russell Ziskey : No.

  John Winger : ...yeah, yeah...

  Russell Ziskey : No.

  John Winger : ...yeah, yeah.

  Russell Ziskey : No, John. No.

  John Winger : I'll drive.

  Russell Ziskey : Okay.

• Russell Ziskey : [while Winger is doing push ups for the bet with Ziskey]  I think you're ready for the Special Olympics...

• Stella Hansen : Okay, guys, you're home. Get out.

  Russell Ziskey : You're not gonna report this or anything, are you?

  Stella Hansen : I'm gonna treat it like a UFO sighting. I saw something, but I'm not quite sure what it was.

  Russell Ziskey : Thank You.

• Russell Ziskey : [Russell has just accosted John, who is trying to sneak off the base in the middle of the night... Russell has John on the ground]  Where do you think you're going? Are you going AWOL? Are you going AWOL?

  John Winger : No, I'm deserting.

  Russell Ziskey : You idiot! You desert now, it's a federal offense!

  John Winger : I'll take my chances with the feds!

  Russell Ziskey : You're not going anywhere!

  [pulls him up and throws him up against a tank] 

  Russell Ziskey : You listen to me! You're gonna finish basic training! You're gonna keep your mouth shut, and you're gonna do everything he tells you! You know why?

  John Winger : [innocently]  Why?

  Russell Ziskey : Because you talked me into this, you idiot! It was your idea!

  John Winger : I didn't talk you into this. You NEEDED this.

  Russell Ziskey : [drags John back to the ground]  I'm gonna kill you, damn you! Where's the great pay? Where's the travel? Where's the Winnebago, Goddamnit!

  [MPs Stella and Louise pull up in their jeep] 

• Russell Ziskey : There are two things I promised myself I'd never do: Kill and die.

  John Winger : What if the Russians were raping your sister?

  Russell Ziskey : Come on, you know my sister. You practically raped her one night. The Russians would just have to buy her dinner.

• John Winger : I've had an interesting morning. In the last two hours I've lost my job, my apartment, my car, and my girlfriend.

  Russell Ziskey : You still have your health.

• Russell Ziskey : [after Winger pulls a gun on border guards]  Do the words "act of war" mean anything to you?

  John Winger : I have... a plan.

  Russell Ziskey : Great! Custer had a plan, too.

• Russell Ziskey : Find John, will ya. I'm gonna kill 'em.

• Russell Ziskey : [At the airport Russell is walking towards a limo with his arm around Louise upon returning home to the USA from Czechoslovakia]  No questions please. We just want to go to our hotel room and have some really serious sex!

• John Winger : This doesn't look bad.

  Russell Ziskey : What? The Army? You're kidding.

  John Winger : No. I've always thought about joining the Army.

  Russell Ziskey : Bull shit, you're not the type.

  Russell Ziskey : What do you mean I'm not the type? I've seen the kind of guys that enlist in the Army. I saw them when I was working in unemployment. They're just like us, except they're not as - sophisticated.

  Russell Ziskey : Yeah, they're not as old either.

• Russell Ziskey : [talking in his sleep]  No. No, don't stop. Don't stop. I'll still respect you. I'll respect you even more. Just use more whipped cream!