The Great Outdoors (1988)
John Candy: Chet Ripley
Photos
Quotes
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Chet : Bear... bear... Big Bear... big bear chase meeeeeeee...!
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[Chet is telling everyone about his bear story]
Chet : So when you go to bed tonight, and you hear a noise, whatever you do, don't look out the window...
[Chet shouts while he tosses some of his alcoholic beverage into the fireplace causing a huge fireball shooting out of the chimney]
Chet : because there might be a bear!
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Roman : There's no mystery here, Chet. I know how you really feel about me.
Chet : Do you?
Roman : Yeah, and I knew that if I was ever to give you something, you figure there'd be strings attached.
Chet : Is that a fact?
Roman : Yeah, that's a fact. At our wedding, you were in the john, Kate and Connie's dad. You were talking. Do you happen to remember the substance of that conversation?
Chet : No I don't.
Roman : Well, I do, and it's one I'll never forget. I heard you say - and I quote - "that Roman Craig is a crooked son of a bitch". Next time you stab somebody in the back, Chester, you better check under the stalls for feet. You may think I'm made out of armor and nails, man, but when I get cut, it hurts. That cut me, and I hurt.
Chet : Roman, I'm really sorry. I had a lot to drink that night. I really don't remember saying that, but if you said I did, then I must have. I apologize to you both. It was a terrible thing to say.
Roman : Look, I don't hold grudges, and I don't have any hard feelings. To show you I'm the type of guy who can forgive and forget, well, I'd still like to offer you a piece of that investment.
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Kate Craig : Ahh!
[Kate and Roman run out of their bedroom]
Roman : What?
Kate Craig : It touched me!
Roman : It's been touching you for 12 years, you never freak!
Kate Craig : Not you!
[Kate hits Roman on the arm]
Kate Craig : A thing.
Roman : What thing?
Chet : [Comes out of his bedroom, along with the rest of the family, and turns on the lights] What's going on?
Kate Craig : That thing!
[Points to a bat]
Roman : Oh, it's just a little sparrow.
Kate Craig : C'mon Roman, it's got ears!
Buck Ripley : Jesus!
[Everyone screams and runs out of the cabin]
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Roman : [the family are all seated in the cabin's living room and Roman notices Chet at the fireplace] Now, what are you up to?
Chet : [irritably] What does it look like I'm up to?
Roman : Well, it looks like you're wanking your crank.
Chet : I'm trying to get a fire going, all right?
Roman : Well, you might as well pour ice cubes in there. You're never gonna get a fire going that way. You don't crumple a newspaper up.
[making jerking motions]
Roman : You twist it! Twist it! Lengthwise to stimulate kindling. That's how you get it going.
Chet : [annoyed] Maybe, Roman, just maybe, I'm trying to heat the flue.
Roman : [to the others, sarcastically] Oh, he's heating the flue. Meanwhile, the human beings in the room are freezing to death.
Connie Ripley : [spiteful] I'm not really cold. Not at all.
Kate Craig : [sarcastic, to Connie] Oh, thank you for sharing that. Thank you.
Chet : [mockingly] I'm SO sorry, Roman, forgive me. Why don't you come over here and show me how it's done? You talk a great game. Come on, let's see a little action. After all, you know everything. You know exactly what to do at any given moment.
Roman : [insulted, to Kate] Katie, you were absolutely right. We should have gone to Europe or maybe even Haiti, or Antartica, or the Dead Sea! Would've had a LOT more fun!
[gets up and walks to the other side of the room]
Chet : Is that a fact? Well, nobody forced you to come up HERE, buddy boy. In fact, I don't remember anyone inviting you up here.
[to Connie]
Chet : Do you remember inviting him? I sure as hell don't.
Roman : [walking towards Chet] And what exactly is that statement supposed to mean?
Chet : You figure it out for yourself.
Roman : No, no, you specify, you clarify Just as a common courtesy, if you don't mind.
Roman : [to Roman, without looking up from her sewing] You know damn well what he means.
Connie Ripley : I think what they're trying to say that we're not welcome!
Chet : [sarcastic] Oh-ho, what did I hear? We've got a bingo! You DID figure it out, Kate!
Roman : [sneers] So, it's all starting to finally ooze out. It's very interesting, though, isn't it, Katie?
Roman : Yeah, VERY!
Roman : Especially, since we threw aside OUR plans, and we had a great European vacation planned, threw aside OUR plans to come up here to show these dead-asses how to start learning to have a good time! Thanks a lot for ruining my vacation, Ripley.
Chet : [while trying to light a match, he breaks it in anger] What WAS that? Ruining your vacation, is that what you said? Oh, come on, I DON'T believe, I don't believe I heard you say THAT.
Chet : [jabs his finger to Chet's chest] You'd BETTER believe it!
Chet : [jabbing his finger hard into Roman's chest] DON'T PUSH IT, ROMAN!
Chet : You ain't even seen PUSHING yet! You know what the trouble is with you, Ripley? You wouldn't know a good time if it fell out of the sky, landed on your face, and started to wiggle!
Roman : [seething] Oh, you got an awful lot of nerve, Roman. A lot of nerve.
Roman : Serves me well. I'M the one with the Mercedes.
Roman : [egging Roman on] Oh! Ah!
Chet : By the way, is it paid for?
Roman : Are you jealous, CHESTER?
Chet : [jabs his finger into Roman's chest] DON'T call me Chester! You call me that one more time, you'll be going home with a dent in your forehead!
Kate Craig : [stands up to join Roman] Oh-ho, yeah, that'll be the day!
Kate Craig : [to Kate] Would you like one to match his?
Roman : [outraged] Hey, take your hands off her!
[puts up his fists]
Roman : YOU WANT TO GO, RIGHT NOW?
Buck Ripley : [steps in to separate them] Dad, Dad, it's okay. Nobody's denting anybody.
Roman : Thanks, Bucky.
Buck Ripley : [takes off his scarf and throws into Roman's hands] Oh, bite the big one, Uncle Roman!
Connie Ripley : [to Buck, scolding] Hey, don't talk to adults that way!
Buck Ripley : [to Connie] Why not?
Roman : [to Buck] BECAUSE it's rude!
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Kate Craig : [during a big row] Roman, why don't we just get out of here, come on honey. Come on girls, let's go!
Roman : Good idea.
[they go upstairs]
Chet : Well, it's the first good idea you've had since you've been here. And by the way, don't steal any of our stuff.
Kate Craig : Ha ha, what stuff is there to steal?
Connie Ripley : We got stuff!
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Chet : You'll have to excuse my brother-in-law. He gets a couple of cocktails in him and he becomes an expert on everything.
Roman : I don't need cocktails for that. Was that a shot?
Chet : No, that was the truth.
Roman : Oh, that was a shot!
Chet : That... was a shot.
Roman : [to the bartender] Speaking of shots, set us up!
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Chet : If you meet any friends, bring them back and we'll give them a ride in "Suck My Wake."
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[Chet and Roman are arguing]
Chet : You've got an awful lot of nerve, Roman, a lot of nerve.
Roman : It's served me well, I'm the one with the Mercedes.
Chet : By the way, is it paid for?
Roman : Are you jealous? Chester!
Chet : Don't call me Chester! Call me that one more time and you're gonna go home with a dent in your forehead!
Kate Craig : Oh yeah, that'll be the day!
Chet : Would you like one to match his?
Roman : [raising his fists] Hey, take it easy! You wanna go right now?
Buck Ripley : [breaking them apart] Dad, dad, dad. No one's denting anybody.
Roman : Thanks, Bucky.
Buck Ripley : Oh, bite the big one, Uncle Roman!
Connie Ripley : Hey, don't talk to adults that way!
Buck Ripley : Why not?
Roman : Because it's rude.
Connie Ripley : Oh, blow it out your ass!
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Chet : Great its yogi and boo boo in the flesh.
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Chet : [Bangs his car door on a tree] Whoa! Trees in the parking lot.
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Chet : I would like to blow Uncle Roman out *my* ass.
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Chet : what it means what is means is i would like to blow uncle roman out my ass thats what it means.
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Chet : Well, easy money is money easily lost.
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Connie Ripley : I just don't feel like this. Can you understand that. I'm tired, I'm stinky.
Chet : Come on.
Connie Ripley : What are you doing? Come on.
Chet : Come on. We got the house by ourselves.
Connie Ripley : What about the kids?
Chet : What *about* the kids? They're down the lake.
Connie Ripley : I don't - let's go to the bedroom then.
Chet : Why? That's the great thing about being in the North Woods. You can run around naked as a bear and not worry about running into anybody.
Connie Ripley : Is that right?
Chet : Yes.
[kiss]
Connie Ripley : Really?
[kiss]
Chet : Do you think it's possible that we could play - fashion parade?
Connie Ripley : I don't want to play.
Chet : Why?
Connie Ripley : You get to wear the good outfits.
Chet : Oh, no. I'll let you wear them.
Connie Ripley : You will?
Chet : Now, ah, you will be Shelana. Shelana, yes. And I will be Burt. Or I could be Smokey's cousin Horny.
[unsnaps Connie's bra]
Connie Ripley : He has endurance too.
Chet : Yes, he does. Mmm...
Roman : [walking in with Kate and their twin daughters] Anybody home?
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Chet : Roman there you're children for god shakes be there father for the first in your life be there father. now get in there and help you're kids.
