My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

Tony Jay: Council Chief

Quotes 

• [Celeste consults with the alien council] 

  Celeste Martin : The subject says he will be unable to think about science unless he marries me.

  Council Chief : Well, marry him.

  Celeste Martin : But we don't know what "marry" is.

  Council Chief : One moment.

  [the second council member takes a book. He and the council chief leaf through it until they find the page about marriage] 

  Council Chief : Ah, yes. The Monchine Forty says marriage is this: he goes off to fight the Turks, and you put on a lock.

  [Celeste is confused] 

  Second in Command : No, no, no.

  [they leaf more pages] 

  Council Chief : Oh, yes, yes. Wrong century. Eh... marriage is this: you cook and clean and bring him martinis.

  Second in Command : No, no!

  Council Chief : Wrong again? Ridiculous...

  [they leaf more pages] 

  Council Chief : Yes. Wrong decade. Too old-fashioned. Ah, here we are, yes. The modern marriage: there are no rules or responsibilities, but if he does something wrong, you can set him on fire while he sleeps and go on a talk show, where everyone will forgive you and love you. There is only one drawback: you will have to have more sex.

  Celeste Martin : [excitedly]  I'll do it!