A prisoner takes hostages after going over the wall on FA Cup Final day, Cottam decides to offer two officers in exchange for the elderly couple, and Briggs realises they might not have to miss the big match after all.
The detectives are suspended after an incident with a suspect briefcase, a plan to nab an East End villain leads to a wager with a blind man, and Cottam prepares his men for the conclusion of an undercover operation.
Cottam can't bring himself to pass on news about forced retirement, an investigation into lonely heart murders leads to a night of blind dates, and Briggs can't believe his luck when he receives an offer of casual sex.
Cottam pays the price for his officers getting carried away during a mock riot, Briggs and Louis go undercover in a gym to investigate steroid use, and a disgruntled boxer grabs an opportunity to prevent another victim.
Volunteering to help with police dog training puts Louis in a wheelchair, Briggs wants to know more about a relationship with a girl on a horse, and reporting the murder of a neighbour proves to be a little tricky.
Briggs and Louis get trapped in a pilchard lorry while on duty at customs, a ferry takes them to what they quickly work out to be northern Italy, and diamond smugglers go in search of two men wearing sou'westers.
The police investigate the death of a man during a battle reenactment, Briggs and Louis try to think of the 19 second names of English football teams, and a search begins for a man brave enough to wear underpants.
A monk witnesses the murder of a man in the toilets of a railway station, Briggs tries to find someone who likes him enough to listen to him, and Cottam sends two officers on a protection job at a Cumbrian monastery.
Cottam refuses to assign new partners after an argument over a woman, a job escorting a prisoner leads to being stranded in the country, and a desperate search for a telephone leads to a farmhouse full of weird.