The Simpsons (1989– )

Julie Kavner: Marge Simpson, Patty Bouvier, Selma Bouvier, Jacqueline Bouvier, Others, Eunice Bouvier, Jackie Bouvier, Actress as Marge, Adil's Mother, Angela Lansburry, Audience, Aunt Gladys, Bowler #2, Cartoon Squirrel, Elizabeth Raleigh, Floor Buffer, Frida Kahlo, Genevieve Bouvier, Gloria, Herb's Mother, Mabel Simpson, Majora, Margarine of aragon, Marge Albertson, Marge Bar, Marge Bufflekill, Marge robots, Marge's Grandmother, Mary, Nurse, Pagan Mother, Patty, Queen Elizabeth I, Receptionist, Selma, Spirit #3, Teacher, The Pookadook, Turkey, Whispering Teachers, Zombie DJ #1

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Marge : Homer, it's easy to criticize.

  Homer : Fun, too.

• Marge : Sitting that close to the TV is bad for your health.

  Homer : Talking to me while I'm watching TV is bad for your health.

• Marge : What do you do, follow my Husband around?

  Hot Dog Vendor : Lady, he's putting my kids through College!

• Marge : Our differences are only skin deep, but our sames go down to the bone.

• Marge : Not the swear jar! It's the only thing holding back the filth!

  [Swear jar breaks] 

  Marge : Nuttyfudgekins!

• Marge : [cage-fighting]  I don't want to sound like a killjoy, but because this is not to my taste I don't think anyone else should be allowed to enjoy it.

• Marge : You should probably see a doctor about this...

  Homer : OK.

  Marge : [realizing]  A competent doctor.

  Homer : D'oh!

• Marge : [Bart is in an asylum after faking sociopathy to get back at his parents for testing him for it]  How could he go so wrong!

  Homer : We did everything we could for him during the commercials!

• Marge : There's no shame in being a pariah.

• Ralph : Your hair is tall and pretty!

  Marge : Thank you Ralph!

  [puts her hand on his shoulder] 

  Marge : You really are a nice young gentleman.

  Ralph : Ah! She's touching my special area.

• Marge : Nelson's a troubled little boy. He needs to be isolated. From everyone!

• Marge : We've got to get you away from these violent influences and into Church!

  Reverend Lovejoy : And then the Belshazzemites did PIERCE the eyes of their foes and feasted upon what flowed thereforth.

• Marge : [protesting, sees Homer go in]  Mr. Scalper, a ticket please!

  Scalper : I am not a Scalper, I am a dude whose 200 friends did not show up.

  [sells her a ticket] 

  Mrs Lovejoy : Now what do we do?

  Manjula Nahasapeemapetilon : Let's talk about Marge behind her back!

  Mrs Hibbert : Have you noticed her baby never says a thing?

  Luanne : I'll bet it saw something awful!

• Homer : Name me one person who overcame adversity just on his own!

  Marge : Balzac!

  Homer : No need for pottymouth just because you can't think of anyone.

• Boxcar Hobo : Don't worry! I'm not a Stabbin' Hobo, I'm a Singin' Hobo! I Stab all day/ and I Stab all night/ Stabbin' 'em all up/ with my Stabbin' Stabbin' Knife...

  Marge : Could you sing something less unsettling?

• Marge : I wish you wouldn't drink so much in front of the kids.

  Homer : I tried drinking in the pantry but you claimed that was antisocial.

• Marge : We don't have room for another child.

  Homer : We'll let Bart sleep in Lisa's room until he leaves home.

  Marge : Won't that warp him?

  Homer : It didn't warp my Uncle Frank.

  Marge : What happened to him?

  Homer : He joined that Cult. I think he's Mother Shabooboo now.

• Marge : Okay, Smart Guy...

  Bart : Why do you only call me Smart when you're being sarcastic?

  Marge : Do I do that? I really shouldn't.

• Marge : You can't keep doing this to yourself!

  Homer : I'm as Healthy as a Horse!

  Marge : Horses only live 30 years!

  Homer : [Whinnys] 

• Marge : [Bart is on Focusin and behaving]  Oh, Bart, you're turning into the kind of boy every Mother wants! A girl!

• Marge : If I don't fight him tomorrow, you kids will have a more violent future.

• [repeated line] 

  Marge : My special little guy.

• Homer : [the Nahasapeemapetalans have had Octuplets]  I'm sterile, right, Baby Doll?

  Marge : Yes, dear, from the Nuclear Plant.

  Homer : Sweet.

• Mrs. Krabappel : Is this the line to rag on the new Principal Skinner?

  Marge : If you have eight items or less.

  Mrs. Krabappel : Ten, nine, eight! He's a weenie!

  Marge : The first Principal Skinner was a weenie too!

  Mrs. Krabappel : But he was OUR weenie!

  Agnes Skinner : Now there was a weenie you could be proud to call your son.

  Marge : Did you ever tell him that?

• Marge : Just when things were at their lowest...

  Grampa : I realised I could make extra money selling my medication to Dead-Heads!

  Marge : Grampa, what are you talking about?

  Grampa : Er... nothing.

• Homer : Hi, I'm Homer Simpson, I Mooned for rebuttal.

  Marge : Yes, I remember.

• Marge : Homer, I couldn't help but overhear you warping Bart's mind...

• Marge : [Blanche DuBois]  I thought my life would be a Mardi Gras, a Neverending Party, Ha! I'm a faded Southern Dame without a Dime.

• Marge : Right, no more TV at all!

  Homer : Marge, this is a Noble Experiment, but like Prohibition it's just going to end in a hail of bullets.

• [repeated line] 

  Marge : Hrrrrrmmm!

• The Rich Texan : [Giving away Santa's Little Helper's new friend]  I want you to have my dawg. Once they fall in love they're no good.

  Marge : But won't you miss her love and companionship?

  The Rich Texan : Ah-ha-ha-ha! Lady, you're aaaaalright!

• Selma Bouvier : [Selma's going on a date with Barney Gumble]  It's time to ashcan my girlhood hopes and dreams, and grab hold of the first train out of the station.

• Homer : [Pinchy is nipped by a crab]  Hey! You don't have to take that from a punk-ass crab! What's wrong with you?

  Captain McCallister : Arrr, it's not his fault he's a sissy. Someone's been coddling him.

  Marge : Don't look at me! I wanted to eat him!

  Captain McCallister : Sorry, it's usually the Mother. I run an academy for lobsters, we stress tough love and discipline, if you want to try it.

  Marge : No! We're not sending the lobster to a snooty boarding school!

  Captain McCallister : Arr, then answer me this: do you have any loose change?

• Marge : [Blind date]  Please, don't be a freak.

  Captain McCallister : [singing in the dark]  Met her on the Mountain! There I took her life! Met her on the Mountain! Stabbed her with my Knife!

• Marge : You don't need friends to be happy! I haven't had a friend in years!

  Homer : You've got me! Who've I got?

• Marge : Okay, you're overstimulated. Let's get some beer in you, and then off to bed!

• Selma Bouvier : No resenting us, ever!

  Homer : That's some great flutenastics!

  Selma Bouvier : Shut up! You can't praise her! She'll think she's smart and slack off! All our loving would be wasted!

• Marge : Why all the bowling balls?

  Homer : Marge, I'm not going to lie to you.

• Marge : [Always New Year Amusement Park Gimmick]  It must be wonderful to be ringing in the New Year all the time!

  Waiter : Please, kill me.

• Marge : Stick it out, my Mother said, even if you picked a Loser! To the bitter end.

• Marge : How can an Iron be a Landlord?

• Marge : Who'd have thought troubled people could be so artistic?

• Marge : Oh, I'm going to need a lot of Therapy!

  Homer : No, that's too expensive. Just don't do it anymore!

• Cashier : Now there's a conflicted look!

  Marge : Are you a Cashier or a Psychiatrist?

  Cashier : I was a Psychiatrist, but I lost my License for Prescribing too few Meds...