The Adventures of Baron Munchausen (1988)

Eric Idle: Desmond, Berthold

Photos 

Quotes 

• Baron Munchausen : What's this?

  Vulcan : Oh, this is our prototype. RX, uh, Intercontinental, radar-sneaky, multi-warheaded nuclear missile.

  Baron Munchausen : Ah! What does it do?

  Vulcan : Do? Kills the enemy.

  Baron Munchausen : All the enemy?

  Vulcan : Aye, all of them. All their wives, and all their children, and all their sheep, and all their cattle, and all their cats and dogs. All of them. All of them gone for good.

  Sally : That's horrible.

  Vulcan : Ahh. Well, you see, the advantage is you don't have to see one single one of them die. You just sit comfortably thousands of miles away from the battlefield and simply press the button.

  Berthold : Well, where's the fun in that?

• Berthold : Hang on. Hang on! It's all coming back. I've-I've been stuck here for over twenty years, ever since you were last here on the moon. You abandoned me here! You swine! You toddled off with that old queen of tarts and left me to rot in that parrot cage, didn't you? And now you come back here, just because it suits you, after wasting half my life and expect me to follow you to the ends of the earth!

  Baron Munchausen : Yes.

  Berthold : All right.

• Berthold : Is there a doctor in the fish?

• Baron Munchausen : Berthold, come on.

  Berthold : Let go of me!

  Baron Munchausen : You're coming with us.

  Berthold : No chance!

  Baron Munchausen : Why not?

  Berthold : I can't remember.

  Baron Munchausen : You're not frightened, are you?

  Berthold : That's it!

• Desmond : Look at all that underwear. Isn't it beautiful? It's like a dream come true. It's the dawning of the age of lovely, intimate things.

• Baron Munchausen : I want you to come and help us fight the Turk again.

  Albrecht : Oh no, I couldn't do that. No. Not since I found myself. No, now I really know it, I never really wanted to be *big*, and *strong* and lug heavy things about. No. Now I know, I want to be dainty and sensitive. They call me 'The Midgett' down here. I love it. It's bliss.

  Berthold : He's gone funny.

• Baron Munchausen : [talking to Rose, Violet, and Daisy - three women in the acting troupe]  You so remind me of Catherine the Great, Empress of all the Russians, whose hand in marriage I had the honor to decline.

  Desmond : They *all* remind you?

  Baron Munchausen : Yes, why not?

  [waving his hands back and forth in front of the three women] 

  Baron Munchausen : Some bits here, some bits there.

• Baron Munchausen : I'm Baron Munchausen!

  Berthold : That sounds nasty. Is it contagious?

  [Munchausen's Syndrome!] 

• Baron Munchausen : Abandon ship!

  Berthold : I think the ship's abandoning us.

• Queen Ariadne : Here, take a lock of my hair.

  [the Baron hacks a lock of the Queen's hair with his sword] 

  Berthold : Just a lock, cocky, not the whole carpet.

• Berthold : [the group sees a large sea monster ahead] 

  Berthold : I spy with my little eye something beginning with "M".

  Albrecht : It's a demon of the deep!

  Berthold : That begins with "D" you klutz!

• Baron Munchausen : Berthold!

  Desmond : The name's Desmond, mate! We're actors, not figments of your imagination! Now get a grip!