Columbo (TV Series)
Columbo Goes to the Guillotine (1989)
Peter Falk: Columbo
Photos
Quotes
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Lt. Columbo : Always remember it's a trick. Keep that in mind and you can figure out how it's done.
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Lt. Columbo : [referring to the workshop, and demonstrating one of the tricks] The whole place is one big magic trick. You can't believe anything you see.
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Bert Spindler : [holds up a drink in a toast] To Max the Magnificent.
Lt. Columbo : To Max, sir, and all these tricks, you know how they all work?
Bert Spindler : That's my job. A very beautiful and ancient art.
Lt. Columbo : And the uh, mind reading part, how did that all work?
Bert Spindler : Consultant; universities, corporations, government agencies. Exposing those ESP people. He even wrote a book on it: 'Dyson on Mind Reading.' Max was so good himself, he never found a psychic who wasn't a fake. Until yesterday.
Lt. Columbo : Is that a fact, sir?
Bert Spindler : He conducted a big test out at some think tank institute. Really shook him up.
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Medical Examiner : [talking to a reporter] Both doors were locked from the inside. Freight elevator, locked. The door to the stairs, locked. The safety bolt over there, it's hangin' from its chain, I mean, the guy obviously screwed up. I'm gonna give you this one as an accident and you can count on it.
[Columbo picks up guillotine collar from the floor]
Medical Examiner : Hey, that was off when I got here.
Lt. Columbo : It was off when I got here, too.
Medical Examiner : [to reporter] I mean, it could have been a suicide, but whoever heard of a suicide with a guillotine? I'm still gonna give you this one as an accident.
Lt. Columbo : [handing collar to forensic tech] Have the lab check this out for blood.
[to medical examiner with a shrug]
Lt. Columbo : You never know.
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Bert Spindler : He was loved. Well, not by those mind readers and psychics; they weren't so crazy about him, once he got on their case. But magicians loved him. I loved him.
Lt. Columbo : I've never seen so many wonderful tricks. Those beautiful Chinese rings, and that terrific birdcage. Once, on a vacation with Mrs. Columbo, I saw a magician make a tiger disappear right out of the ring, but I've never seen a trick like that guillotine trick upstairs. That must be some dangerous trick.
Bert Spindler : Not if you're careful. Max built in some safeguards, made it all foolproof.
Lt. Columbo : What happened to Max, that didn't look very foolproof. How do you explain that?
Bert Spindler : Are you sure you won't join me, Lieutenant?
Lt. Columbo : No, thank you very much, sir.
Bert Spindler : Max must have gotten careless. Forgot to lock in the safety bolt.
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Lt. Columbo : [walks into bar] Lieutenant Columbo, Homicide. You the owner?
Sgt. Russo : [waving Columbo to the bar before presenting his badge] Sergeant Russo, retired.
Lt. Columbo : What's the problem, here, Sergeant?
Sgt. Russo : [nodding to the bucket behind the bar] Blood.
[Blood is dripping from above. Columbo looks up to see a red stain on the ceiling]
Lt. Columbo : Well, what's up there?
Sgt. Russo : Some kind of workshop. Belongs to the magic shop next door.