Ollie Hopnoodle's Haven of Bliss (1988 TV Movie)

James Sikking: Old Man

Photos 

Quotes 

• Ralph's Mother : [the family is finishing loading the car]  OK, we have the box of canned goods... did you get the bath mat?

  Old Man : The what?

  Ralph's Mother : The bath mat!

  Old Man : A bath mat? What do we need a bath mat for?

  Ralph's Mother : Well, you never know! It might be nice.

• Ralph's Mother : [whistles]  Are you up?

  Old Man : [yelling]  Will you shut up?

• [the family just stopped for Ralph's mother to look at house rugs] 

  Old Man : [to himself]  Just once, I'd like to get to Ollie's before dark. Just once!

• Old Man : What are you doing? We don't have time to look at any dumb hooked rugs! We're trying to make it to Ollie's before dark!

• Old Man : I tell ya, I been drinking pickle juice since I was a kid. It prevents you catchin' cold.

• Old Man : [reaches into the glove compartment, but when he removes his hand, it's covered in melted chocolate]  Holy cow! Who stuffed a chocolate bar in the glove compartment? What thumb-sucker put... it's got nuts in it.

• Old Man : I'm smoking old butts from the ashtray. COFFEE!

• Ralph : [the Parkers get a flat tire]  Can I help?

  Old Man : [with a glare]  Are you kiddin'?

• Ralph's Mother : It's steaming.

  Old Man : [sarcastically]  No, what makes you think that?

  Ralph's Mother : Well, I can see it, honey. Look, there it is.

• Old Man : When I was 14, I had two jobs I've been working for ten years.

  Ralph the Man : All fathers since the beginning of time have believed that kids have it easier than they did when they were a kid. Generation after generation, my old man was in the great tradition.

• Ralph's Mother : Oh, isn't this just wonderful, honey? It's so much better than last year, isn't it? Everything's going so well.

  [the left rear tire blows out] 

  Old Man : A flat! A flat! When will you learn to keep your mouth shut? Now look what you've done.

• Old Man : Where's Grannie?

  Grannie : You're lookin' at him.

  Old Man : *You're* Grannie?

  Grannie : Well, it used to be called Elmer's Old Log Cabin, but business wasn't so good, so I changed it Grannie's Old Log Cabin, see, and I tripled my business.

• Old Man : Ollie, how are they biting?

  Ollie : Well, they was ettin' real good last week, they was bitin' anything you threw at them. Then just yesterday afternoon, they stopped. Never seen it so slow.

  Old Man : [sadly]  Yeah, well, I guess that's just the way it goes. Thanks, Ollie.

  Ralph the Man : Every fisherman in the world knows how they were biting last week, when those other mysterious fishermen were around. You know those guys, they're always there when the action is hot and heavy, they know when it's gonna happen. Oh well, we were at the lake, and who knows, they might start biting again, just might.

• Ralph's Mother : Don't you think we better stop and get gas? The gauge is pointing at the E.

  Old Man : Look, don't worry. I'm waiting for a Texas Royal Supreme Blue station.

  Ralph's Mother : What for?

  Old Man : [proudly]  They sponsor the White Sox games.

  Ralph : [cut to Ralph and the Old Man hiking down the road, carrying a gas can]  Gee whiz, Dad.

  Old Man : Ah, shut up. No one asked you to come.

  [Ralph doesn't say a word] 

  Old Man : I don't wanna hear no more talkin'.

• Grannie : It's the best windmill in the industry. Give you years and years of dependable action.

  Ralph's Mother : It would look so great out behind the garage.

  Old Man : No.

  Grannie : Can I interest you folks in, uh, maybe, a concrete mushroom? Maybe a concrete elf? Got a sale on discontinued elves.

  Old Man : Let's go, it's getting late. We aren't gonna buy any junk today.

  [cut to a shot of the windmill tied to the roof of the Parkers' car with the rest of their luggage]