Steel Magnolias (1989)

Shirley MacLaine: Ouiser Boudreaux

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Ouiser Boudreaux : I'm not crazy, I've just been in a very bad mood 40 years!

• M'Lynn : [crying]  I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine.

  [screaming] 

  M'Lynn : I'm fine! I can jog all the way to Texas and back, but my daughter can't! She never could! Oh God! I am so mad I don't know what to do! I wanna know why! I wanna know *why* Shelby's life is over! I wanna know how that baby will *ever* know how wonderful his mother was! Will he *ever* know what she went through for him! Oh *God* I wanna know *why*? *Why*? Lord, I wish I could understand!

  [in a firm tone] 

  M'Lynn : No! No! No! It's not supposed to happen this way! I'm supposed to go first. I've always been ready to go first! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I don't think I can take this! I-I just wanna *hit* somebody 'til they feel as bad as I do! I just wanna hit something! I wanna hit it hard!

  [continues sobbing] 

  Clairee : Here!

  [grabs Ouiser by the shoulder and positions her in front of M'Lynn] 

  Clairee : Hit this! Go ahead M'Lynn, slap her!

  Ouiser Boudreaux : [taken aback and confused]  Are you crazy?

  Clairee : Hit her!

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Are you *high*, Clairee?

  Truvy : [in a frightened tone]  Clairee, have you lost your mind?

  Clairee : We'll sell t-shirts sayin' "I SLAPPED OUISER BOUDREAUX!" Hit her!

  Annelle : [in a scared tone]  Ms. Clairee, enough!

  Clairee : Ouiser, this is your chance to do something for your fellow man! Knock her lights out, M'Lynn!

  Ouiser Boudreaux : [snatches away]  Let go o' me!

  Clairee : M'Lynn, you just missed the chance of a lifetime! Half o' Chiquapin Parish'd give their eye teeth to take a whack at Ouiser!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : I am just about at the end of my rope with you.

  Drum : Well, then why don't you tie a noose and slip it 'round your head?

• Ouiser Boudreaux : Yes, Annelle, I pray! Well, I do! There, I said it, I hope you're satisfied.

  Annelle : I suspected this all along!

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Oh! Well don't you expect me to come to one of your churches or one of those tent-revivals with all those Bible-beaters doin' God-only-knows-what! They'd probably make me eat a live chicken!

  Annelle : Not on your first visit!

  Clairee Belcher : Very good, Annelle! Spoken like a true smart-ass!

• Drum : Ouiser you look like hammered shit.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Don't you talk to me like that!

  Drum : Oh,I'm sorry you look like regular shit.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : A dirty mind is a terrible thing to waste.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : You are evil, and you must be destroyed.

  Clairee Belcher : Mother Nature's taking care of that faster than you could.

• Clairee Belcher : You know, you would be a much more contented, pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : I'm pleasant. Damn it! I saw Drum Eatenton this morning at the Piggly Wiggly, and I smiled at the son of a bitch 'fore I couldn't help myself.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : Don't try to get on my good side, Truvy. I no longer have one!

• Annelle : We are in the house of the Lord!

  Clairee Belcher : Oh like she cares. Ousier's never done a religious thing in her life.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Now that is not true. When I was in school, a bunch of my friends and I would dress up as nuns and go bar-hoppin'.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : What's the matter with you these days, M'Lynn? You got a reindeer up your butt?

• Ouiser Boudreaux : I do not see plays, because I can nap at home for free. And I don't see movies 'cause they're trash, and they got nothin' but naked people in 'em! And I don't read books, 'cause if they're any good, they're gonna make 'em into a miniseries.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : I should have never said that in front of Shelby.

  Clairee : Ouiser no one pays any attention to you.

• M'Lynn : Oh Ouiser, Drum would NEVER point a gun at a lady!

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Oh! He's a real gentleman! I bet he takes the dishes out of the sink before he PEES in it!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : You are a pig from hell.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : I'm not as sweet as I used to be.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : Drum, eat shit and die.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : Clairee, this is just a gesture. We're not feedin' Drum until the end of time.

  Clairee Belcher : Drum loves pork and beans. Eats 'em with everything.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : That explains a lot.

• Clairee Belcher : The older you get, the sillier you get.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Yeah, well the older you get, the uglier you get.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : He is a boil on the butt of humanity!

• Clairee : And I can also report that a mysterious car is parked in her driveway at least once a week...

  Ouiser Boudreaux : There. My secrets out. I'm having an affair with a Mercedes Benz!

• Clairee Belcher : [trying to do "color commentary" by discussing the color of the football uniforms]  ... But I love the top - such a vibrant purple. Bob, would you call this color "grape" or "aubergine'?

  Ouiser Boudreaux : SHUT UP!

  Clairee Belcher : What?

  Ouiser Boudreaux : You're makin' a fool outta yourself, Clairee.

  Clairee Belcher : I am not.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : This is football. All the people wanna hear about are touchdowns and injuries. They don't give a damn 'bout that grape shit.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : You are too twisted for color TV!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : The only reason people are nice to me is because I have more money than God.

• Clairee : Why do you give all these to me?

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Somebody's gotta take em, I hate em, I try not to eat healthy food if I can possibly help it.

• Clairee : Anne Boleyn had six fingers.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Who's Anne Berlin?

  Clairee : Anne Boleyn. She was one of the six wives of Henry VIII.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : I never watch public television.

  Clairee : She had six fingers.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : What happened to the other four?

  Clairee : She had 11 total.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Are you trying to confuse me, Clairee?

  Clairee : No. I just want to expose us to a little more culture. And that's not easy to come by in this neck of the woods.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : This is it, I've found it, I'm in hell.

• Ouiser Boudreaux : [after knocking Clairee off the bench and pulling some of her hair]  Get your roots done!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : My God, you look different. Have you shrunk?

• Ouiser Boudreaux : Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.

• Tommy Eatenton : [at same time as his brother]  Hello Miz Ouiser

  Jonathan Eatenton : Hello Miz Ouiser.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : [Makes a face]  Ugh! Leave me alone!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : You are too twisted for color TV!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : You know you would be a much more contended pleasant person if you would find ways to occupy your time.

  Ouiser Boudreaux : I am pleasant! Dammit! I just saw Drum Eatenton this mornin at the Piggly Wiggly and I smiled at the son of a bitch for I couldn't help myself!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : I just thought Sammy won't mind you reading the Bible in bed as long as you're wearing something inspirational.

  [Holds up monster hand puppet] 

  Ouiser Boudreaux : Yuk, yuk, yuk!

• Ouiser Boudreaux : Annelle, take your Bible and shove it where the sun doesn't shine.