UHF (1989)

Kevin McCarthy: R.J. Fletcher

Photos 

Quotes 

• Pamela Finklestein : [into the phone with R.J. Fletcher]  "Broads don't belong in broadcasting?" Is that the kind of professional courtesy you teach your news department?

  R.J. Fletcher : [into the phone with Pamela]  Why, that's a terrible thing. I don't know how many time I've told those boys, "never call chicks broads."

  Pamela Finklestein : [incensed tone]  Why, you slimy... ooh!

  [hangs up the phone] 

• R.J. Fletcher : [the broadcast which ultimately gets Channel 8 shut down by the FCC; spoofing "A Face In the Crowd"]  This community means about as much to me as a festering bown of dog snot! You think I care about the pea-brained yokels of this town? If you took their combined I.Q., and multiplied it by a hundred, you might have enough intelligence to tie your shoe, if you didn't drool all over yourself first. I can't stand those sniveling maggots! They make me want to puke! But, there is one good thing about broadcasting to a town full of mindless sheep. I always know I have them exactly where I want them.

  [points to his crotch and laughs evilly before Philo shuts off the broadcast] 

• R.J. Fletcher : This is indeed a sad day for Channel 8. We've been number one in this town for the past ten years. And now, our sponsors are pulling their accounts. We're losing valuable advertising revenue. We're losing credibility in the market. And why? Because of some fly-by-night UHF station! A UHF station! This is an embarrassment! A disgrace! What do you think R.J. Fletcher Senior would be saying if he were alive today?

  Richard Fletcher : [mockingly]  "Help me out of this box, I can't breathe in here. Help, let me out."

  R.J. Fletcher : [shoots Richard a dirty look]  We've got to do something. We've got to do it fast. Who owns that station, anyway?

• [George notices a measuring tape, but does not recognize Fletcher at first] 

  George Newman : Can I help you?

  R.J. Fletcher : No, thanks. Just taking a few measurements.

  [Stanley enters the office and looks at the television, but once he recognizes Fletcher, he runs away] 

  George Newman : Wait a minute, I think I missed something here.

  R.J. Fletcher : Oh, didn't I tell you? I own this place now.

  [Pamela Finklestein looks stunned about this] 

  George Newman : [shocked]  You what?

  R.J. Fletcher : What's the matter, kid, you got wax in your ears?

  George Newman : But my Uncle Harvey...

  R.J. Fletcher : [interrupts George]  Harvey Bilchik is flying in tonight to close the deal!

  [George, Bob and Pamela all look stunned] 

• [in response to Fletcher stating that he owns Channel 62] 

  Bob Steckler : Wait a minute. Don't you already own Channel 8? Isn't it illegal to own two television stations in the same town?

  R.J. Fletcher : Oh! Really? Gee...

  [George and Bob do not say anything] 

  R.J. Fletcher : I guess I'll have to turn this place into a parking lot!

  [then Fletcher laughs hysterically] 

  R.J. Fletcher : Toodle-oo!

• R.J. Fletcher : You are a worthless human being, Mr., um...

  Stanley Spadowski : Spadowski, sir. Stanley Spadowski.

  R.J. Fletcher : [chuckles]  Might I call you Stanley?

  Stanley Spadowski : [chuckles]  Okay...

  R.J. Fletcher : Stanley... YOU'RE FIRED!

  Stanley Spadowski : But I-I-I didn't...

  R.J. Fletcher : GET OUT!

• R.J. Fletcher : [on the missing research file]  I'm going to get to the bottom of this! I will not allow this kind of behavior at Channel 8! This is a business! Not a home for irresponsible pus-brains!

• Little Old Lady : Excuse me... aren't you R.J. Fletcher?

  R.J. Fletcher : Yes!

  [she knees him in the groin, he collapses in pain] 

• R.J. Fletcher : [Just as Harvey is about to sign U-62 over to Fletcher, George raises the last of the $75 thousand needed to pay off Big Louie]  Now wait just one minute! What do you think you're doing?

  George Newman : ...WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!

  Harvey Bilchik : [Everybody cheers as a triumphant fanfare plays, amid fireworks]  Wow, look at that!

  [He tears up Fletcher's bill of sale without signing] 

  R.J. Fletcher : [furious]  YOU CAN'T DO THIS! We had an agreement, remember? An oral contract! I'll sue!

  Harvey Bilchik : Blow it out your ear, scuzzbag!

  FCC Man : Are you R.J. Fletcher?

  R.J. Fletcher : So what if I am?

  FCC Man : I'm John Vector of the FCC. I noticed that your station is late in filing for its license renewal this year. Normally, this kind of violation is punishable by a very stiff fine. But I've seen your recent editorial; it made a very big impression on me, and on the community.

  R.J. Fletcher : Oh, now, just wait a second; I was framed!

  [indicates George] 

  R.J. Fletcher : He set me up!

  FCC Man : Yeah... Well, that's what they all say, isn't it? So I'm revoking your license, effective immediately.

  R.J. Fletcher : [stuttering]  But, but haven't I - but, but how can...!

  FCC Man : No, no buts about it. You're off the air, period. Good luck finding a new career!

  Pamela Finklestein : Pamela Finklestein here, coming to you with the most incredible turn of events. Not only has the once-powerful corporate broadcasting giant known as Channel 8 been thoroughly crushed and defeated at their own dirty game... But now, as luck would have it, they've been permanently stripped of their license by the FCC!

  [turns directly to Fletcher; stern tone] 

  Pamela Finklestein : So what do you have to say about it, you worthless slobbering pig?

  [She winks at the camera] 

• R.J. Fletcher : You idiot! Can't you do anything I tell you to do? Does this look like a number two pencil?

  Richard Fletcher : No... but... I just thought...

  R.J. Fletcher : You thought? I don't pay you to think!

  Richard Fletcher : But Dad...

  R.J. Fletcher : SHUT UP!