UHF (1989)
Stanley Brock: Uncle Harvey
Photos
Quotes
-
Esther Bilchik : [after Harvey gets home from playing poker, referring to the piece of paper in his pocket] What's this?
Harvey Bilchik : Oh, it's the deed to channel 62. I won it with a pair of sevens. I was bluffing.
Esther Bilchik : Channel 62? Never heard of it.
Harvey Bilchik : I'm not surprised. More people watch the fish tank at Leo's pet store.
-
George Newman : Hey, Philo, you really worked beyond the ecology on this one, thanks!
Philo : I'm glad to have been of service, George. Well, it appears that my work on this planet is complete. I must now return to my homeworld... on the planet Zarquon.
George Newman : [dubious] Okay, well. Have fun!
[Philo leaves George and Teri]
George Newman : [sees his uncle] Hey, Uncle Harvey!
Harvey Bilchik : Hey, kid, way to go! I always knew you had it in you! You're okay!
[Behind them, unnoticed, Philo morphs into a weird alien and flashes away]
-
R.J. Fletcher : [Just as Harvey is about to sign U-62 over to Fletcher, George raises the last of the $75 thousand needed to pay off Big Louie] Now wait just one minute! What do you think you're doing?
George Newman : ...WE DID IT! THE STATION'S OURS!
Harvey Bilchik : [Everybody cheers as a triumphant fanfare plays, amid fireworks] Wow, look at that!
[He tears up Fletcher's bill of sale without signing]
R.J. Fletcher : [furious] YOU CAN'T DO THIS! We had an agreement, remember? An oral contract! I'll sue!
Harvey Bilchik : Blow it out your ear, scuzzbag!
FCC Man : Are you R.J. Fletcher?
R.J. Fletcher : So what if I am?
FCC Man : I'm John Vector of the FCC. I noticed that your station is late in filing for its license renewal this year. Normally, this kind of violation is punishable by a very stiff fine. But I've seen your recent editorial; it made a very big impression on me, and on the community.
R.J. Fletcher : Oh, now, just wait a second; I was framed!
[indicates George]
R.J. Fletcher : He set me up!
FCC Man : Yeah... Well, that's what they all say, isn't it? So I'm revoking your license, effective immediately.
R.J. Fletcher : [stuttering] But, but haven't I - but, but how can...!
FCC Man : No, no buts about it. You're off the air, period. Good luck finding a new career!
Pamela Finklestein : Pamela Finklestein here, coming to you with the most incredible turn of events. Not only has the once-powerful corporate broadcasting giant known as Channel 8 been thoroughly crushed and defeated at their own dirty game... But now, as luck would have it, they've been permanently stripped of their license by the FCC!
[turns directly to Fletcher; stern tone]
Pamela Finklestein : So what do you have to say about it, you worthless slobbering pig?
[She winks at the camera]
-
Harvey Bilchik : [lounging in his pool, answering his phone] Yo, Big Louie! What's up?
Big Louie : Bad news, Mr. Bilchik. None of your horses came in.
[He attaches a large steel cleaver to his wrist, where his hand should be]
Harvey Bilchik : Aw, too bad. So what's the damage?
Big Louie : Seventy-five thousand dollars. In cash. By Friday.
[He chops through a big sausage, which a servant has placed on his desk before him]
Big Louie : [to himself, after Big Louie rings off] I'm dead meat.