- Hyacinth: This is not the Chinese restaurant. This is a residential number and you are speaking to the lady of the house on a white, slim line telephone with last number redial facility.
- [she pronounces it "Bouquet", and very, very shrilly]
- Hyacinth: The Bucket residence, the lady of the house speaking!
- [repeated line]
- Someone: Oh damn! It's the Bucket woman!
- Elizabeth Hawksworth Warden: I'm sorry Hyacinth, when I'm in this house I go to pieces.
- Hyacinth: Well some people just can't help being clumsy.
- [repeated line]
- Hyacinth: It's my sister Violet! She's the one with the Mercedes, swimming pool, and room for a pony.
- Emmet Hawksworth: [repeated line about Hyacinth in a sad and depressed tone] She'll sing at me, I know she will.
- Hyacinth: I've just been insulted on my own telephone!
- Richard Bucket: I expect the opportunities are rare for being insulted on somebody else's.
- Hyacinth: Listen, Daisy. Tell Onslow to put a shirt on while I'm on the telephone. I can always sense him there, expanding.
- Hyacinth: And you are?... Regional Postal Manager. I guess you will do, though I would have preferred to speak to someone on a national scale.
- Hyacinth: [repeated line: Richard goes to pick up the front gate to Daisy and Onslow's after if falls off] Leave it! Leave it!
- Hyacinth: [on the phone] No, I will not send over another portion of deep-fried squid. This is not the Chinese take-away. You are connected to a private residence on a white, slimlined telephone with last-number redial facility.
- Hyacinth: Oh, Richard. You know how much I love daddy. I would have him here if it wasn't for all the time he spends in the bathroom.
- Hyacinth: Richard, a little decorum please. That is not the sort of behaviour one would expect from a person with a reservation for a quality cruise
- Hyacinth: [to Richard, after she picks up the phone] It's Sheridan!
- Richard Bucket: How much does he want?
- Hyacinth: Oh, stop it, Richard! I'm sure he's just calling to say hello to his mommy.
- [on the phone, to Sheridan]
- Hyacinth: Now, what is it dear?
- [stops and blinks]
- Hyacinth: You want 90?
- [repeated line]
- Hyacinth: It's my sister Daisy. She's not the one with the Mercedes, sauna and room for a pony.
- Hyacinth: Your suggestion is noted. However, I see little practical merit in having the telephone up my jumper!