Batman Returns (1992)
Christopher Walken: Max Shreck
Photos
Quotes
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[Shreck shoots Batman]
Selina Kyle : You killed me... The Penguin killed me... Batman killed me... that's... three lives down. You got enough in there to finish me off?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : One way to find out.
[Shreck fires two shots at Catwoman]
Selina Kyle : Four... Five...
[cracks her whip]
Selina Kyle : Still alive!
[Shreck fires two more]
Selina Kyle : Six... Seven... All good girls go to heaven...
[now within reach of Shreck; he pulls the trigger, but there are no bullets left; she laughs hysterically]
Selina Kyle : Two lives left. I think I'll save one for next Christmas. But in the meantime, how about a kiss, Santy Claus?
[grabs ahold of a power cable and moves towards Shreck with a stun gun and a kiss]
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Selina! Selina Kyle, you're fired! And Bruce Wayne, why are you dressed up like Batman?
Catwoman : Because he *is* Batman, you moron!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Was.
[shoots Batman]
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Selina Kyle : Okay, go ahead. Intimidate me, bully me if it makes you feel big. I mean it's not like you can just kill me.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Actually, it's a lot like that.
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Bruce Wayne : The point is, Max, Gotham City has a power surplus. I'm sure you know that. My question is: what's your angle?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Power surplus? Bruce, shame on you. No such thing. One can never have too much power. If my life has a meaning, that's the meaning.
Bruce Wayne : Yeah, well... I'm gonna fight you on this. And I've already spoken to the mayor and we see eye to eye, so...
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Mayors come and go. Blue bloods tire easy. You think you can go fifteen rounds with Muhammed Shreck?
Bruce Wayne : Well, I guess we're gonna find out. Course, I don't have a crime boss like Cobblepot in my corner, so it might...
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Crime boss? Shows what you know, Mr. to-the-manor-born-with-a-silver-spoon. Oswald is Gotham's new golden boy. If his parents hadn't eighty-sixed him, you two might've been bunkies at prep school!
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[the Circus Gang passes Penguin a large Christmas stocking labeled "Max." He reaches in and takes out a large thermos]
The Penguin : A batch of toxic waste from your "clean" textile plant.
[pours it into a dish]
The Penguin : There's a whole lagoon of this crud in the back.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : That could have come from anywhere.
The Penguin : What about the documents that prove you own half the firetraps in Gotham City?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : If there were such documents - and that's not an admission - I would have seen to it they were shredded.
The Penguin : Ah, good idea!
[he reaches into the stocking and pulls out a sheaf of documents]
The Penguin : A lot of tape and a little patience make all the difference. By the way, how's Fred Atkins, your old partner?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : [starting to lose his composure] Fred? Fred's actually... I believe he's on extended vacation. He's-he's good.
The Penguin : Good?
[Penguin takes out a severed hand]
The Penguin : [imitating a ventriloquist] Hiya, Max! Remember me? I'm Fred's hand! You wanna greet any of the other body parts? Remember, Max: you flush it, I flaunt it.
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with a minimum of fuss! Money, jewels, a *very* big ball of string.
Catwoman : Your blood, Max.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : My blood, I gave, at the office.
Catwoman : A half pint, I'm talking gallons.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Let's make a deal, other than my blood. What can I do for you?
Catwoman : Sorry, Max, a die for a die!
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The Penguin : You're coming with me, ya great white dope, to die way down in the sewer!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Not Chip! If you have an iota of human feeling, take me instead.
The Penguin : I don't, so no.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : I'm the one you want. Ask yourself. Isn't it Max Shreck who manipulated and betrayed you, eh? Isn't it Max, not Chip, who you wanna see immersed up to his eyeballs in raw sewage?
The Penguin : [thinks] Okay, you got a point. I'll let the little prince live.
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The Penguin : [spinning an umbrella with hypnotic swirls painted on] What you hide, I discover. What you put in your toilet, I place on my mantle. Get the picture?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : What is that supposed to do? Hypnotize me?
The Penguin : No, just give you a splitting headache.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Well, it's not working.
[Penguin jerks the umbrella, which fires a shot, and Max jumps]
The Penguin : Ah, you big baby. Just blanks.
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Bruce Wayne : [notices Selina's injuries] What happened?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Did you injure yourself on that ski slope? Is that why you cut short your vacation and came back?
Selina Kyle : You know, it's... a blur. I-I mean, not complete amnesia. I-I-I - I remember Sister Mary Margaret puking in church and Betsy Riley saying it was morning sickness and I remember the time I forgot to wear my underpants to school and the name of the boy who noticed was Ricky Friedberg.
[smile vanishes]
Selina Kyle : He's dead now. But last night: complete blur. Couldn't you just die?
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : I'd offer you a coffee, but my assistant is using her vacation time.
Bruce Wayne : Good time, too. Everyone but the bandits will be slacking off till after New Year, anyway.
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Charles 'Chip' Shreck : Dad, you buy that "blurry" business?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Women. Nothing surprises me, Chip, except your late mother. Who'd have thought Selina had a brain to damage. Bottom line, she tries to blackmail me, I'll drop her out a higher window. Meantime, I got better fish to fry.
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : [to Bruce Wayne] Yawn.
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Ingenious costume. Let me guess. Trust fund goodie-goodie.
Bruce Wayne : Feeling good, huh? Well, you almost made a monster the mayor of Gotham City.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : I am the light of this city... and I am its mean, twisted soul. Does it matter who's mayor?
Bruce Wayne : It does to me.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Yawn.
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : [Pulled out of the water by Catwoman] I don't know what you want, but I know I can get it for you, with a minimal fuss.
[She lashes her whip at him]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Money. Jewels. A very big ball of string.
[He tries to run away, but she captures him with her whip and pulls him back to her]
Catwoman : Your blood, Max.
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : My blood, I gave at the office.
Catwoman : A half-pint. I'm talking gallons.
[Batman comes in]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Let's make a deal. Now that I've got my blood, what I can do for you?
Catwoman : Sorry, Max. A die for a die.
[More exploding rockets and Batman comes flying into the scene]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : [to Batman] You're not just saving a life, you're saving...
Batman : [pushes him away] Shut up. You're going to jail.
Catwoman : Don't be naive! The law doesn't apply to people like him or us!
Batman : Wrong on both counts. Why are you doing this? Let's just take him to the police... then, we can go home... together. Selina... don't you see? We're the same. We're the same... Split right down the center.
[He pulls off his mask, revealing his identity as Bruce Wayne]
Batman : Selina, please.
Catwoman : Bruce, I would, I would to live with you in your castle... forever, just like in a fairy tale.
[He tries to touch her shoulder, she retaliates and scratches his face]
Catwoman : I just couldn't live with myself! So, don't pretend this is a happy ending!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Selina. Selina Kyle!
[She takes of her mask, revealing her identity as Selina Kyle]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : You're fired! And Bruce Wayne, why are you dressed up like Batman?
Catwoman : Because he is Batman, you moron!
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Was.
[He shoots Bruce in the shoulder; Selina, ready to go after Max]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Don't!
Catwoman , Selina Kyle : You killed me, the Penguin killed me, Batman killed me. That's... three lives down! You got enough in there to finish me off?
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : One way to find out.
[Shoots her twice]
Catwoman , Selina Kyle : Four, Five. Still alive!
[Max shoots her two more times and she groans in pain]
Catwoman , Selina Kyle : Six, Seven. All good girls go to Heaven.
[Max points the gun to her stomach and pulls the trigger, only to find the gun is now empty. She laughs, weak]
Catwoman , Selina Kyle : Two lives left. I think I'll save one for next Christmas. But in the meantime...
[Pulls out a tazer]
Catwoman , Selina Kyle : How 'bout a kiss, Anti-Claus?
[Uses the tazer and an electrical wire to kill him, as the whole place's electrical wiring explodes. Suddenly, The Penguin coming up out of the water, weak and fatally injured; walks over to his umbrellas. Batman clears away the debris to find Max's fried corpse and Selina is nowhere to be found. Batman turns to the Penguin, reaches for an umbrella and takes it out]
The Penguin : Ugh! Shit!
[drops it, gagging]
The Penguin : I picked the cute one!
[gagging]
The Penguin : The heat's getting to me! Ugh! I'll murder you momentarily... But first, I need a cold drink of iced water!
[Gags, then fell and drops dead]
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Selina. This is Bruce... Wayne.
Bruce Wayne : Yeah, we've met.
Selina Kyle : Have we?
Bruce Wayne : Oh, I'm sorry. You know what, I mistook me for someone else. Sorry.
Selina Kyle : You mean mistook me.
Bruce Wayne : I mistook me, yeah, yeah isn't that what I said?
Selina Kyle : No I don't think so.
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[seeing Bruce Wayne in a tuxedo at a masquerade party]
Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : Let me guess... trust fund goody-goody?
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : So he survived. What's the worry?
The Penguin : He didn't even lose a limb! An eyeball! Bladder control!
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Maximillian 'Max' Shreck : I wish I could hand out World Peace and Unconditional Love, wrapped in a big bow.
The Penguin : [Watching from behind the sewer grill] Oh, but you can! Oh, but you will!
