To Grandmother's House We Go (1992 TV Movie)

J. Eddie Peck: Eddie Popko

Photos 

Quotes 

• Julie Thompson : I told her to go before we left the house, but she never listens. She think she knows everything.

  Eddie Popko : No kidding.

  Julie Thompson : It's true.

• [Eddie got knocked out, causing him to lose the twins and his truck. Rhonda isn't too pleased] 

  Rhonda Thompson : You lost my girls?

  Eddie Popko : Rhonda, I'm really sorry. I lost my truck too. It had to be those FPD bandits.

  Rhonda Thompson : Eddie! I'm calling the police.

  Eddie Popko : Well you just tell them they look like your mom and dad out for a walk. But when you turn your back, "claps" boom! Mom's all over you like a ninja turtle.

  [Rhonda glares back at him with "What did you just say?" eyes] 

• [Rhonda bangs on the window alarmed. Det. Gremp opens the door] 

  Det. Gremp : What?

  Rhonda Thompson : Those are the kidnappers!

  Eddie Popko : And the FPD bandits!

  Julie Thompson : And they're not Santa's elf!

  Harvey 'Harv' : It's all true officer. Even the elf part. If you want proof, look at our motor home. It's full of stolen goods.

  [Raises his arms] 

  Harvey 'Harv' : Cuff us.

  Eddie Popko : [Presents the cuffs]  Feel free to use these, definitely!

  Det. Gremp : [Confused]  Huh?

• [Julie and Sarah reveal themselves from the back of the truck] 

  Eddie Popko : Where the hell did you come from?

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Ummmm!

  Julie Thompson : You said the H word.

• Eddie Popko : Hey Rhonda! How's the hottest Mini-Mart manager going?

  Rhonda Thompson : Oh look, it's Eddie the delivery boy. Would you like a sludgee with that?

  Customer : No thanks.

  Eddie Popko : Well I think your making a big mistake there pal. Their sludgees are the finest. Never too much crushed ice. Never too much sludge.

  Rhonda Thompson : He's trying to be cute. Keep trying Eddie.

  [Eddie smiles in approval] 

• Eddie Popko : Doggone it. All these tickets, I didn't hit one lousy number.

• Eddie Popko : So let me get this straight; you packed your bags, you rode your bike around the block, you hopped the bus, looked at the Princess Penny dolls, and then snuck in the back of my truck so I'd drive you to your Great-Grandma's house in Edgemont.

  Julie Thompson : You forgot we put chicken legs in a hat.

  Eddie Popko : Oh, right. But I'm guessing that your mom doesn't know anything about this.

  Sarah Thompson : No we're giving her a vacation.

  Eddie Popko : Well, she outta be going nuts right about now wondering where the hell you two went.

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Ummmmm...

  Eddie Popko : Oh, yeah right. The H word.

• Eddie Popko : [Getting out of his truck while singing a tune]  Black coffee for all the cowboys. Black coffee for the cowgirls too. Black coffee...

  [He knocks over the snowman the twins were building, causing them to gasp] 

  Sarah Thompson : Mister you killed our snowman!

  Eddie Popko : I don't see any snowman.

  [Looks around] 

  Julie Thompson : That's because you killed him!

  Eddie Popko : [Eddie looks down]  Whoops. Right. He doesn't look too good. But hey it's 65 degrees out here, he would've been a puddle by noon.

  Sarah Thompson : We're telling!

  Eddie Popko : Oh no. no, no. Pl Please don't tell. Because I'll get in trouble.

  Julie Thompson : That's the idea!

  Sarah Thompson , Julie Thompson : [Together]  Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!

  Rhonda Thompson : [Appears at the window]  What's wrong?

  Sarah Thompson , Julie Thompson : [Together]  That man killed Frosty!

  Eddie Popko : Rhonda, you're a mommy?... Uh I got a package for you.

  Rhonda Thompson : I'll be right down.

  Sarah Thompson : When my mom gets here, you are gonna get it!

  Eddie Popko : Can't believe it. Sludgee babe's a mom.

  Julie Thompson : A real mom who can get you in big trouble!

  [Eddie gives the girls a "Yeah right" glare] 

  Rhonda Thompson : [Comes outside]  Hello Eddie.

  Julie Thompson : Make him go to his room!

  Eddie Popko : Hey if you send me to my room, then you won't get your package.

  [Shakes the package] 

  Eddie Popko : Sounds like a present.

  [Winks at Rhonda] 

• Julie Thompson : [Arriving at the television station]  We made it! We made it!

  Eddie Popko : Everybody, get out!

  [Bangs on the roof of Gremp's car] 

  Eddie Popko : Come on girls, let's go!

  Rhonda Thompson : Let's get going girls!

  Eddie Popko : Merry Christmas Gremp!

  Det. Gremp : Yeah, yeah. Merry Christmas to you. And good luck.

  [to himself] 

  Det. Gremp : Definitely.

• Eddie Popko : [after singing Happy Trails]  Yee-Haw!

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Yee-Haw!

  Eddie Popko : You kids can keep your guns and your roses, I'll take Roy Rogers any day. A guy that can ride a horse and play the guitar at the same time, now that's talent.

• Eddie Popko : [Catching up to the runaway sleigh]  Hi girls, Remember me? We had ice cream. Hold on, I'll be right back.

  [Eddie gets in front of the girls] 

  Sarah Thompson : Where do you think you're going?

  Eddie Popko : [Prepares to jump]  Hold steady boys, I'm coming on. Ahh!

  [Jumps on the horse to his right, struggles to stay on] 

  Julie Thompson : You're falling off the horse!

  Eddie Popko : I know that!

  Sarah Thompson : I thought you were a cowboy!

• Eddie Popko : Rhonda, you don't know anything about me.

  Rhonda Thompson : Well, let's see. Mini donuts, beef jerky, jellybeans. I know you're not a health nut.

  Eddie Popko : Well hey I take a Flintstone vitamin every single morning.

  Rhonda Thompson : [Observes a magazine]  Wrestle-Mundo magazine. So I'm guessing that you're not exactly intellectual.

  Eddie Popko : Well you'd be guessing wrong because the crossword puzzle in there happens to be extremely challenging.

  Rhonda Thompson : Hmm. Oh, and five Win-O-Lotto tickets. Which tells me you throw away your paycheck on the lottery.

  Eddie Popko : This weeks big jackpot, 1.3 million dollars.

  Rhonda Thompson : Eddie, every week you tell me how much you're gonna win. And every week, you're a loser.

  Eddie Popko : Well it's gonna happen I mean, because I have a system.

  Rhonda Thompson : What system?

  Eddie Popko : Well, somebody has to win. Might as well be me.

  Rhonda Thompson : Shhhh. Somebody might steal your system.

• Harvey 'Harv' : Isn't it a lovely evening for a press walk?

  Shirley : Yes.

  Harvey 'Harv' : Watch it, joggers coming through!

  [Harvey's fanny pack comes loose] 

  Eddie Popko : Oh, sir you dropped your fanny pack.

  Harvey 'Harv' : Oh those things come loose all the time.

  Shirley : Thank you very much!

  [Jumps and hits Eddie with both her hands] 

  Eddie Popko : Ugh!

  Harvey 'Harv' : I love it when you get physical Shirl.

  Shirley : Not now Harv, get in the truck!

  [Harvey and Shirley drive off with the truck, unaware that the twins are back there. Eddie gets up in time to see his truck go off in the distance] 

  Sarah Thompson : Where's Eddie?

  Julie Thompson : I don't know.

  Sarah Thompson : Who are they?

  Julie Thompson : I don't know. You're the one who knows everything.

  Sarah Thompson : I hope they're going to Grandma's.

• Julie Thompson : [while getting ice cream, Eddie plays Win-O-Lotto]  I want to play!

  Sarah Thompson : Me too!

  Eddie Popko : Well, you certainly been good luck so far. Tell you what, you can help me pick my numbers. When's your birthday?

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  June 13th, 1987.

  Julie Thompson : But I came out first, so I'm older.

  Sarah Thompson : By one minute.

  Julie Thompson : But I'm still older

  Eddie Popko : Okay alright. Six, thirteen, nineteen, eight and seven. Sounds like a winner.

  [Hands ticket to clerk] 

  Eddie Popko : You know, I'm due to win this. No really, I have a system.

  [Turns to the twins] 

  Eddie Popko : Girls, feels like a winner.

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Can I hold it? Can I hold it?

  Eddie Popko : Alright, wait a minute. I know where this is going.

  [to Julie] 

  Eddie Popko : Okay, you're the oldest, you can keep it in your purse.

  Julie Thompson : Ha!

  Eddie Popko : For the first half of the trip, and you're gonna keep it for the second half of the trip.

  Sarah Thompson : Ha Ha!

• Rhonda Thompson : [Getting ready to pawn stolen merchandise]  You sure this is gonna work?

  Eddie Popko : Of course it's gonna work. Just let me do the talking.

  Rhonda Thompson : We're in big trouble.

  Eddie Popko : You got a bad attitude.

• Eddie Popko : [after listening to Don't Fence Me In]  Thank you. Gotta love that Roy Rogers. Heh heh, Yeah-hoo.

• Policeman : [Det. Gremp and his partner barge in the house]  That's them! Hugging.

  Det. Gremp : Definitely.

  Eddie Popko : Hey Gremp, what are you doing here?

  Det. Gremp : I'm here to arrest the FPD bandits.

  Rhonda Thompson : Great!

  Eddie Popko : Good. Don't let them get away.

  Det. Gremp : I won't. You're both under arrest.

  [Both Gremp and his partner slap the cuffs on Eddie and Rhonda. They look over to the twins, who are confused on the situation] 

• Det. Gremp : OK! I got all the information that I need, definitely.

  Rhonda Thompson : You got to find them, Detective Gremp.

  Det. Gremp : Ma'am, I promise you I'll find your daughters as soon as possible, absolutely!

  [Phone rings] 

  Det. Gremp : That's the telephone.

  Rhonda Thompson : I know.

  Det. Gremp : Just doing my job.

  Rhonda Thompson : [Walks over and picks up the phone]  Hello?

  Eddie Popko : Hey, Rhonda, this is Eddie Popko, your favorite delivery boy. Listen, I got your girls right here and they're fine.

  Rhonda Thompson : [Relieved]  Oh, thank God! Hang on.

  [Turns to Det. Gremp] 

  Rhonda Thompson : The girls have been found!

  Det. Gremp : What did I tell you? I said I'd find them as soon as possible, absolutely.

  Rhonda Thompson : Thanks for all your help.

  Det. Gremp : I'll see myself out, positively.

  [Gremp walks out] 

  Rhonda Thompson : [Somewhat alarmed]  What are you doing with my girls?

  Eddie Popko : Well, this wasn't my idea. They snuck in the back of my truck.

  Rhonda Thompson : Well, tell me where you are and I'll come get them.

  Eddie Popko : Well, I got to finish up all my deliveries first, and then I'm gonna swing them by your house. Oh, and Rhonda, by the way, I do get five bucks an hour to babysit.

  Rhonda Thompson : Just get back here, Eddie.

  [Hangs up] 

  Eddie Popko : Yeah, well, you have a nice day too, now.

  [Hangs up. Turns to the trucker waiting behind him] 

  Eddie Popko : It's all yours.

• Sarah Thompson : [Eddie has stopped the sleigh and saved the girls]  That was fun!

  Julie Thompson : Can we do it again?

  Eddie Popko : No, we can't.

• Eddie Popko : And behind door #2...

  [Opens the truck] 

  Eddie Popko : Prizes and merchandise worth over $10,000.

  Rhonda Thompson : I don't know what you did... But I got a bad feeling about it.

  Eddie Popko : No, no, Rhonda, don't feel bad. We're simply gonna raise a ransom the same way the FPD bandits would. We're gonna open up all these packages, find the good stuff, and hit the pawn shops.

  Rhonda Thompson : Eddie, this isn't right! Those are other people's Christmas presents.

  Eddie Popko : OK, well, Rhonda, do you realize how happy these other people would feel if they knew that by giving up one present, they would be helping a mother be reunited with her daughters? I mean that's what the season's all about; it's giving.

  Rhonda Thompson : You are so full of it.

  Eddie Popko : I know.

  Rhonda Thompson : But I'm desperate. I'm gonna keep a list of every present we open. Somehow, we're gonna make it up to these people.

  Eddie Popko : Yeah. I was just about to suggest that. I mean, it's like we share the same brain. OK, well, come on. Let's get to work.

• Eddie Popko : [Running back to Rhonda's apartment]  I knew my system worked! Rhonda! Rhonda! Hey, uh, meet me at the window!

  Rhonda Thompson : What do you want?

  Eddie Popko : [Sidesteps]  Meet me over here! Rhonda, I... Meet me at the door! I'm coming up!

  [Runs inside, gets near Rhonda's door] 

  Eddie Popko : I'm here! Open up!

  Rhonda Thompson : [Rhonda opens the door, Eddie slides in]  What? What?

  Eddie Popko : [Out of breath]  Rhonda...

  Rhonda Thompson : What?

  Eddie Popko : I have to get some water...

  Rhonda Thompson : You ran all the way back here for a glass of water?

  Eddie Popko : [Drinks water]  OK, I can talk now. Whew! Rhonda, I was a... a jerk, and an idiot, and a moron.

  Rhonda Thompson : I know all that.

  Eddie Popko : OK, but what you don't know is, I want to help you find your girls.

  Rhonda Thompson : [Shocked]  Since when?

  Eddie Popko : Uh... Since I was just thinking about all the fun that I had with the girls and... And how we went out for ice cream and we bought a lottery ticket... And it's a winner. Wouldn't you know it? I mean, that ticket must be in one of their purses.

  Rhonda Thompson : [Not pleased]  You greedy little worm.

  [the phone rings, Rhonda rushes to pick up the phone] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Hello?

  Shirley : Hi. Uh, Rhonda Thompson?

  Rhonda Thompson : Yes?

  Shirley : Yeah, Rhonda, it was the craziest thing. I found your girls sitting in the back of an FPD truck.

  Rhonda Thompson : [Excited]  You found my girls?

  Eddie Popko : Oh, they found the girls? And how about those, those, those little purses?

  Rhonda Thompson : [Now worried]  Are they okay?

  Rhonda Thompson : Yeah, are you kidding? They're playing Whack-a-Mole!

  [Turns to the girls] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Hey girls, say hi to your mom!

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Hi, Mom!

  Julie Thompson : We got enough tickets for yo-yos!

  Harvey 'Harv' : Aw, can't we get the paddle ball?

  Sarah Thompson : Next time, Harv.

  [They get back to playing] 

  Shirley : Uh, Rhonda, Rhonda, just out of curiosity, is there a reward involved here?

  Rhonda Thompson : Reward?

  Shirley : Um, I was hoping it might be... $10,000?

  Rhonda Thompson : $10,000? You don't want a reward, you want ransom!

  Eddie Popko : We'll get the money!

  Rhonda Thompson : Eddie!

  Shirley : Tell that guy it's a deal. I'll meet you at the skating rink at Edgemont, at 3:00. Uh, wear a red hat so I know how to find you. And don't tell the police about this or I just might get lost.

  Rhonda Thompson : All right, no police. Just take care of my girls.

  Shirley : They're happy as clams. Oh, and speaking of clams, I would like my reward in cash. See you tomorrow.

  [Hangs up] 

  Harvey 'Harv' : Wow! I broke the record! Shirley, I got the best score of the day!

  Shirley : [Gives a thumbs up]  Harv, we're on a roll.

• Julie Thompson : [Making a delivery]  Wait for us!

  Eddie Popko : I told you twinheads to stay in the truck.

  Sarah Thompson : We want to help.

  Eddie Popko : Well, you can't help. You're not a professional. It took me two weeks of training to earn this shoulder patch.

  Julie Thompson : What do you do?

  Eddie Popko : Well, I... I give the customers their package, and they sign for it.

  Julie Thompson : You got a patch for that?

  Crotchety Man : [Coming outside]  Hey, what do you want? Listen, I'm trying to take a nap.

  Eddie Popko : Oh, yes sir. Package from FPD.

  Crotchety Man : Oh yeah.

  Eddie Popko : Sign right here, please.

  Crotchety Man : Sure.

  Sarah Thompson : Merry Christmas.

  Julie Thompson : Happy holidays.

  Crotchety Man : Would you look at that? Santa's little helpers, helping out their dad. Well, I think that calls for a little tip.

  [Takes out wallet, hands first dollar to Sarah] 

  Crotchety Man : For you.

  [Hands another dollar to Julie] 

  Crotchety Man : And you.

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Thank you.

  Crotchety Man : And here's one for you too, Dad.

  Eddie Popko : Oh, well thank you, sir. Merry Christmas to you.

  [Waves to the customer] 

  Eddie Popko : [to himself]  First tip I ever got on this crappy job.

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Ummmm...

• Eddie Popko : [while opening packages]  Another fruitcake. Who eats these things?

  [Tosses it over his shoulder in disgust] 

• Julie Thompson : Hey, look! There's Mommy's store!

  Sarah Thompson : Yeah it is!

  Julie Thompson : You're not taking us to Grandma's!

  Eddie Popko : I'm not?

  Sarah Thompson : You're taking us home!

  Eddie Popko : OK, well, you kids may as well learn this now. Grownups will say anything to get kids to cooperate.

  Sarah Thompson : You take us to Grandma's right now. This is no joke!

  Eddie Popko : Well, I told your mom that I'm bringing you home, and that's no joke.

  [Stops the truck] 

  Eddie Popko : OK, now I want you kids to go back there and get your suitcases and I'll meet you around the back.

  Julie Thompson : Grinch!

  Eddie Popko : What'd you call me?

  Julie Thompson : I called you a Grinch!

  Eddie Popko : [Ignoring the insult]  Oh, OK. Well, just checking.

• Eddie Popko : [ice skating]  All right, now, nothing can go wrong, okay?

  Rhonda Thompson : Everything already went wrong.

  [Skates to the side] 

  Rhonda Thompson : What kind of mother makes her girls run away from home?

  Eddie Popko : Well, they weren't running away. They... they were simply just giving you a little vacation.

  Rhonda Thompson : You don't know that.

  Eddie Popko : Yes, I do, because the girls told me. Rhonda, you're too hard on yourself. You're a good mom. And it's got to be really rough trying to raise two kids all alone. Heck, I can barely take care of me.

  Rhonda Thompson : How did things get so messed up? I had my life figured out until my husband took off.

  Eddie Popko : Hey, now, he's the one who blew it. He lost you.

  Rhonda Thompson : You're just saying that to make me feel better. It's working.

  [All cheered up] 

  Eddie Popko : Good. Come on, let's skate.

• Eddie Popko : Well you got to admit, kids, that was one hell of a ride.

  Sarah Thompson , Julie Thompson : [Together]  Ummmm...

  Eddie Popko : Oh, right, right the H-word. OK. Well, come on down for me. You two scared me half to death.

• Doorman : Those FPD bandits giving you trouble?

  Eddie Popko : Are you kidding? Shoot, they won't come near me.

  Doorman : Well, you have a Merry Christmas young fella.

  Eddie Popko : Yeah, you too!

• Julie Thompson : [On a runaway sleigh]  These reindeer are fast.

  Sarah Thompson : They have to be. They go around the whole world in one night.

  Eddie Popko : [Following behind]  We're moving now! I hope you know which way we're going. Yee-haw!

  Sarah Thompson : Go, Rudolph! Go, Prancer!

  Julie Thompson : That's Blitzen!

  Sarah Thompson : How do you know it's Blitzen?

  Julie Thompson : How do you know it's not?

  Eddie Popko : Come on, we got to catch them! Come on, dig! Yeah!

  [Sees the sleigh] 

  Eddie Popko : Yeah! Yeah! Come on! Girls, hold on! I'm on my way!

• [after a phone call with Shirley] 

  Rhonda Thompson : I should call Detective Gremp.

  [Goes to dial] 

  Eddie Popko : No, the woman said no police.

  [Rhonda hangs up the phone] 

  Eddie Popko : Now I know a way to get my hands on the 10 grand. But you got to trust me.

  [Walks out of the kitchen] 

  Rhonda Thompson : You better come through for me, Eddie.

  Eddie Popko : Hey, have I ever not come through for you? Uh, except for that losing-your-kids thing.

  [Slight chuckle, Rhonda rolls her eyes] 

• Rhonda Thompson : We got to find my girls.

  Eddie Popko : Right, because I got to be back by six.

  Rhonda Thompson : That money is all you care about, isn't it? You got your ticket. Here's your hat, just go!

  [Takes off to find Julie and Sarah] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Julie! Sarah! Julie!

  Harvey 'Harv' : [Grabs Shirley]  Come on, Shirl, we got to help.

  Shirley : When is it going to sink in, Harvey? We're the bad guys.

  Harvey 'Harv' : Oh, I keep forgetting.

  [Eddie tucks the lottery ticket in his jacket] 

  Eddie Popko : Sarah! Julie!

• Rhonda Thompson : [to Eddie]  You are unbelievable.

  [He makes a 'What did I do" expression] 

  Rhonda Thompson : My kids are missing, and you're worried about a lottery!

  Eddie Popko : Well I'm sorry. It's just a dumb habit. Remember I told you about my system?

  Rhonda Thompson : I don't care. Why don't you just get out of here?

  Eddie Popko : OK. All right. Well, I'm going. I'm sorry.

  [He walks out] 

  Det. Gremp : Ma'am, I'm sorry about your children. And... I'm sorry about him. But as far as we know, the FPD bandits, they're not kidnappers. But I'm sure everything's going to work out. Definitely!

  Rhonda Thompson : Call me the second you hear anything.

  Det. Gremp : Absolutely!

  [Give Rhonda a thumbs up, grabs his jacket and exits out] 

• Eddie Popko : Okay, you guys ready to go?

  Sarah Thompson : [Muffled up]  You promise to take us to Grandma's?

  Eddie Popko : Yeah, yeah, whatever. Well look at you two slobs there, did you get any of that sandwich in your mouth?

  [Wipes Sarah's mouth] 

  Julie Thompson : How come you don't like kids?

  Eddie Popko : Well, you want to know why? I'll tell you why.

  [Wipes Julie's mouth] 

  Eddie Popko : Because you're little. You don't know nothing, you haven't done nothing, and you got nothing to say.

  Julie Thompson : Uh-huh!

  Sarah Thompson : Uh-huh!

  Eddie Popko : Okay, smart guys. If you could do anything in the world, what would you do?

  Sarah Thompson : I would finger-paint.

  Julie Thompson : That is very fun.

  Eddie Popko : Okay, well, I think I just made my point. All right, coats on. Let's ride.

  Julie Thompson : Waitress! He forgot to pay the bill!

  Waitress : [Off-screen]  I'll be right there.

  Eddie Popko : We don't need an announcement here. I was gonna pay the bill, I got the money right here.

  Julie Thompson : Just making sure.

  Eddie Popko : [Sarcastically]  Yeah.

  Eddie Popko : All right, let's go.

  Julie Thompson : To Grandma's, right?

  Sarah Thompson : Right!

• Rhonda Thompson : It's after 3, where are they?

  Shirley : Miss! Miss! I love your red hat!

  Eddie Popko : That's her.

  Rhonda Thompson : We'll be right there!

  Eddie Popko : And be careful. If she drops anything, don't pick it up.

  Rhonda Thompson : I gotta get my skates off.

  Shirley : Take your time. Take your time.

• [Almost near the Christmas Carnival] 

  Eddie Popko : Where now?

  Rhonda Thompson : Turn left up here.

  Eddie Popko : We're early. You sure you don't want to hear some more Roy Rogers?

  Rhonda Thompson : No, thank you.

• Rhonda Thompson : Eddie, thank you so much. You were wonderful.

  Eddie Popko : [Flattered]  Well... maybe I was a little wonderful.

  Rhonda Thompson : But what about your Win-O-Lotto?

  Eddie Popko : Well, I guess I kind of missed it. I mean, who knows if I would of landed on the jackpot anyway. Even if I did, what's $1.3 million? I mean, after taxes, that's only 900,000. Rhonda, the important thing is, we got your girls back.

  Rhonda Thompson : Eddie, thank you.

  [Hugs Eddie] 

• Rhonda Thompson : We're still 12 dollars short.

  Eddie Popko : Alrighty.

  [Takes off his watch] 

  Eddie Popko : Now we're two dollars short.

  Rhonda Thompson : Great.

  Eddie Popko : Hey listen, this is ransom, it's not bus fare. We don't need exact change. Do you want a powdered doughnut?

  [Grabs the tray] 

  Eddie Popko : Never mind, I'm out of doughnuts. Got some powdered left.

  [pause] 

  Eddie Popko : OK. How about a Flintstone vitamin? I think I already ate all the Dinos, but I do have some Barney Rubbles.

  Rhonda Thompson : Pass.

  Eddie Popko : Listen, Rhonda... Everything's going to be OK. Because we're gonna get your girls back.

  Rhonda Thompson : We have to. I need a red hat.

  Eddie Popko : A red hat? Well, you came to the right place. See, I call this my little cowboy hall of fame. And this is my "salute to Roy Rogers" corner.

  [Grabs a red hat] 

  Eddie Popko : This hat was worn by Dale Evans when Dale and Roy, and Trigger were grand marshals for the 77 Rose Parade. And by the way, that was the best Rose Parade they ever had too.

  [Puts the hat on Rhonda] 

  Eddie Popko : There you go, ma'me. Say, you look mighty fine.

  Rhonda Thompson : What are you, some kind of cowboy wannabe?

  Eddie Popko : I'm a cowboy gonna-be. See, Rhonda, when I spin that wheel and when I win the big jackpot, I'm going to buy myself a big ranch in Montana; The Lazy E. The E stands for Eddie.

  Rhonda Thompson : Figured that.

  Eddie Popko : Well, here, take a seat right here and let me explain something to you.

  [They sit] 

  Eddie Popko : Rhonda, this city is nothing but a big concrete ant farm.

  Rhonda Thompson : You're losing me.

  Eddie Popko : And I'm just a delivery ant trudging along with a fruitcake in my mandibles.

  Rhonda Thompson : You lost me.

  Eddie Popko : Okay, well, just forget all about the ant thing, all right? The point is, when I look out that window, what do I see? Big skies, fresh air, purple mountain majesties? No, Rhonda, no, I see this.

  [Pulls the shade open to show a neighbor] 

  Eddie Popko : Well, look it there, you lucked out. It's feet-picking day.

  [the neighbor waves] 

  Eddie Popko : Hey, Earl.

  Rhonda Thompson : Come on, Eddie. Let's get my girls back.

• Det. Gremp : Okay... Let me see if I got this, the woman who knocked you senseless, she's about 5'2, 110 lbs?

  Eddie Popko : Well, she might've been 5'3.

  Det. Gremp : [Gremp turns to Rhonda]  Ma'am, do you got a recent photo of your children?

  Rhonda Thompson : Oh, yeah. Um...

  [Goes over to the photos] 

  Rhonda Thompson : This was Christmas, but it was a year ago.

  [Moves to the next photo] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Here's the beach, that one might be a little blurry.

  [Moves to the next photo] 

  Rhonda Thompson : This is one of them in the car. Oh, we can't see Sarah's face in that one.

  [Moves to the next photo] 

  Rhonda Thompson : This was two years ago.

  [Sees a photo a little far away] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Oh, here's a good one! This was two weeks ago. This is a picture of us at the zoo.

  [Presents the photo to Gremp] 

  Rhonda Thompson : That's Sarah, that's Julie, that's monkey.

  Det. Gremp : I knew that ma'me, I'm a detective.

  Rhonda Thompson : Well the girls love monkeys. They both sleep with little stuffed animal monkeys, they're names are King and Kong. Shouldn't you be writing this down?

  Det. Gremp : [Points to his head]  King and Kong, I got it all right here.

• Eddie Popko : [to a customer]  I guess you could say that Santa's little helpers are Dad's little helpers today.

  [Gets a tip] 

  Eddie Popko : Thank you, so hard to find a good babysitter. Merry Christmas, now. Yeah. Come on, girls, let's go.

• [Getting off the ice] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Where are my girls?

  Shirley : They're fine. Don't have a cow, see, I got their little things right here.

  Eddie Popko : It's their stuff, I see the purses.

  Shirley : Is that the reward money?

  Eddie Popko : 10 grand in cash. Now, real slow lady. I give you the money, you give me he purses. On three.

  [Shirley aggressively trades the purses for the money] 

  Rhonda Thompson : That money is for my girls.

  Eddie Popko : Of course it is. Hey, where are those girls, anyway?

  Shirley : Coming right up.

  [Whistles for Harvey, who rushes over] 

  Eddie Popko : Here's the ticket. We have just enough time to get back.

  Harvey 'Harv' : Shirl, Shirl, is that the reward money?

  Shirley : [Excited]  It's all here.

  Harvey 'Harv' : Oh great. We got to give it back.

  [Grabs the money hand hands it back to Rhonda] 

  Shirley : [Takes the money back]  No, we don't!

  Harvey 'Harv' : [Grabs the money again]  Oh, yes, we do.

  Shirley : [Grabs the money again]  Have you lost your mind?

  Harvey 'Harv' : [Grabs the money and gives it to Rhonda]  No, pumpkin. I lost the kids.

  Shirley : What?

  Rhonda Thompson : You lost my girls?

  Harvey 'Harv' : I couldn't help it. I don't know what happened. One minute they were on the ponies, riding on it, they were happy and everything, and then the next minute they just... they just disappeared! I think they were upset because I... I told them we weren't elves.

  Shirley : You told them we weren't elves? What is the matter with you, lunatic?

  Harvey 'Harv' : It slipped out.

  Shirley : Yes, because there's holes up here! You're Mr. Pinocchio! A wooden head!

  Harvey 'Harv' : It was dumb! It was dumb!

  Shirley : You are so dumb!

  Harvey 'Harv' : You're not helping.

• Waitress : OK, you ready to order?

  Sarah Thompson : I'll have peanut butter and jelly. Peanut butter on top, smooth but not crunchy, and cut off all the crust, please

  Julie Thompson : I'll have the same, but extra jelly, please.

  Eddie Popko : Yeah, I'll take the same thing. You can leave my crust on please.

  Waitress : Gotcha.

• [the girls are riding in the back of Eddie's truck. He's singing The Sons of the Pioneers' "I'm an Old Cowhand," and Julie is irritated] 

  Julie Thompson : He's making my ears hurt.

  Sarah Thompson : I gotta go to the bathroom.

  Julie Thompson : You should've gone before we left the house.

  Sarah Thompson : I didn't have to go then, but I have to go now.

  [Comes out of hiding] 

  Sarah Thompson : Mister!

  [Eddie looks back in shock] 

  Sarah Thompson : I got to go to the bathroom!

  [He pulls over to the right, the twins run towards him] 

  Eddie Popko : Where the hell did you come from?

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Ummm...

  Julie Thompson : You said the H-word.

  [Eddie still looks confused] 

  Sarah Thompson : I got to go to the bathroom, and this is no joke!

  Eddie Popko : Right.

  [Sits both Julie and Sarah on the passenger seat] 

  Eddie Popko : All right, you kids sit right here. I'll find you a bathroom. In the meantime, sing a cowboy song. It takes your mind off your problems.

  [Motions to them] 

  Eddie Popko : Yippee yi yo kayay!

  Sarah Thompson : Yippee yi yo Kayay... This is NOT working!

  Eddie Popko : Just hold on, I'll try and get you to a bathroom as soon as I can.

  [Starts the truck and gets back on the road] 

  Sarah Thompson : Doesn't this thing go any faster?

  Eddie Popko : [Pulling into a parking space]  We're here, we're here. Just hold your horses; and everything else.

  Sarah Thompson : All these turns are not helping.

• Shirley : Hey, hey, hey! There's our money!

  Harvey 'Harv' : Hey, girls!

  [Harvey and Shirley wave] 

  Harvey 'Harv' : It's us, your buddies, Harvey and Shirley!

  Sarah Thompson : Oh, no! Not them again!

  [the twins grab straps] 

  Julie Thompson : Run, Rudolph, fly!

  Sarah Thompson : Go to Grandma's house!

  Sarah Thompson , Julie Thompson : [Together]  Giddy Up! Giddy Up!

  [the horses disguised as reindeer take off] 

  Shirley : Come on, Harv!

  Sarah Thompson : Merry Christmas!

  Julie Thompson : Merry Christmas! Happy Hanukkah!

  Harvey 'Harv' : [chasing]  Sarah, Julie! Wait! Sarah, Julie, grab that thing! Stop!

  Eddie Popko : Hey! Stop those girls!

  Rhonda Thompson : Julie! Sarah!

  [the twins fall backwards] 

  Sarah Thompson , Julie Thompson : [Together]  Whoa!

  [Eddie tries to stop the sleigh but dives out of the way] 

  Eddie Popko : Whoa!

  Rhonda Thompson : My girls! Somebody help!

  Eddie Popko : I'm on my way!

  Rhonda Thompson : Hurry, Eddie! Hurry!

  Eddie Popko : I'm on my way!

  Rhonda Thompson : Girls!

  [Sees the sleigh go out in the road] 

  Rhonda Thompson : Stop! Eddie, come on!

  [He grabs Buttercup, the pony the twins were riding earlier] 

  Eddie Popko : Come on, Trigger, let's go.

  [the next shot shows a clip of Roy Rogers hopping onto a horse] 

  Eddie Popko : All right! Come on, fella, follow that sleigh! Wait, no, no. No more circles! You're free! You're free! You don't have to do these kiddie rides anymore! Thataway, boy. You're gonna be a hero, come on!

  Rhonda Thompson : Hurry, Eddie! Hurry!

  Santa : Take the low road. You can cut them off at the pass.

  Eddie Popko : I always wanted to cut someone off at the pass.

• Eddie Popko : Mmm. Here are your sundaes.

  Julie Thompson , Sarah Thompson : [Together]  Thank you.

  Sarah Thompson : Hey, she got more whipped cream.

  Julie Thompson : Hey, you got more nuts!

  Eddie Popko : Here.

  [He takes off a little bit of whipped cream off of Julie's sundae and a nut off of Sarah's sundae] 

  Eddie Popko : There, now you're even.

  Sarah Thompson : That was very unpolite.

  [Eddie makes a 'What did I do wrong?' expression] 

• Det. Gremp : [Through his walkie-talkie]  I need an immediate APB on two missing girls; Julie and Sarah Thompson...

  [Eddie appears at his driver-side window] 

  Eddie Popko : Excuse me, can I catch a lift home? As you know, I've lost my truck.

  Eddie Popko : Get in the back... And buckle up.

  Eddie Popko : Thanks for caring, sir.

  [He gets in] 

  Det. Gremp : [On his walkie-talkie]  This is Gremp again. Now, on the Thompson twins, they got strawberry-blonde hair. Yeah, blue eyes. Height: 3'5. Weight: 35 pounds apiece. Date of birth: 6-13-1987. They like monkeys...

  Eddie Popko : What was that birthdate again, sir?

  Det. Gremp : 6-13-1987.

  Eddie Popko : [Realizing the twins have his winning lottery ticket]  Stop the car!

  [Gremp slams the brakes] 

  Det. Gremp : What?

  Eddie Popko : This is where I live. Thanks a lot for the lift.

  Det. Gremp : You needed me to take you a block?

  Eddie Popko : Well, I've always wanted to ride in a real police car. Now, get to work, we got to find those kids!

  [Gets out of the car] 

  Eddie Popko : I gotta find those kids. Gotta find those kids. 1.3 million reasons why I gotta find those kids. I knew my system worked!

• [Noticing the news] 

  Eddie Popko : Hey, hey, I want to hear that.

• [Arriving at the carnival] 

  Rhonda Thompson : You see the girls?

  Eddie Popko : Now, just relax, all right? You're with Eddie Popko. Everything's gonna work out just fine.

  [He goes to get out of his car, but his door hits a cop car that just arrived and parked] 

  Rhonda Thompson : [Irritated]  Smooth move, Eddie.

  [They both get out of the car] 

  Eddie Popko : [On the passenger side of the cop's car]  I'm sorry, officer. It's my fault. Lucky it was just a tiny little ding. Heh heh. Actually adds a little bit of character, don't you think?

  Policeman : Well, it is Christmas Eve. I guess I don't have to shoot you.

  [Rhonda and Eddie look worried] 

  Policeman : But I might if you don't laugh at my jokes.

  [They all laugh] 

  Eddie Popko : You got me there.

  Policeman : Okay, you kids have fun. Merry Christmas.

  Eddie Popko : Merry Christmas to you.

  Rhonda Thompson : Merry Christmas.

  [the officer grabs his clipboard and opens to see the Wanted poster of Eddie and Rhonda] 

  Eddie Popko : [to the officer]  You have a nice day.

  Eddie Popko : [Quietly to Rhonda]  That was close. Last thing we need are cops.