The Nanny (1993–1999)

Fran Drescher: Fran Fine, Fran Sheffield, Bobbi Flekman, Fran Drescher, Young Sylvia Fine

Photos 

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Quotes 

• Val : The bank robber took your mother.

  Fran : Oh, my god! That poor man!

• Fran : Question. When they shot Bambi's mother, did you find that a sad moment... at all?

  C.C. : I'm sure she's mounted on a nice wall in a fine home somewhere.

• Mr. Sheffield : Miss Fine, what are you doing here?

  Fran : Well, I heard moaning and screaming coming from your room and I figured... I should be part of it.

• Fran : By the way, Niles, what is your family name?

  Niles : It's just Niles... Like Cher.

• [Fran and Sylvia are held hostage by a bank robber] 

  Sylvia : He's not wearing a ring!

  Fran : Ma, he's a thief!

  Sylvia : [emphatically]  Who'll be worth *millions* in a few minutes.

• Mr. Sheffield : He can't make you happy.

  Fran : I don't wanna be happy. I wanna be married!

• C.C. : Do you know what makes me feel better when I'm sad?

  Fran : A fifth of scotch and a pack of batteries?

• Sylvia Fine : Yetta! These aren't Fran's children! Fran doen't have any children! She's not married, SHE'S ALL ALONE!

  Fran : Louder, Ma, I don't think they heard you IN URUGUAY!

• Max : [Fran is standing at the door, waiting for a celebrity she isn't allowed to meet]  Miss Fine!

  Fran : I'm seeing the children off to school.

  Max : They left an hour ago!

  Fran : It's a clear day, I can see forever.

• [Fran has accidentally run over a rabbit] 

  Max : It's not like rabbits are endangered species. All they do is mate.

  Fran : Well, aint that nice. I killed an animal with a better social life than me.

• Nigel Sheffield : I hope you don't mind me telling you one more time just how, how sexy you are.

  Fran : Nope, still diggin' it.

• [Talking about Fran's new apartment full of homosexual men] 

  Maggie : Are there a lot of cute guys at your new apartment?

  Fran : Oh, yeah, they're walking right out of the closets.

• Fran : As appealing as Hepatitis sounds, yellow's just not my color.

• Fran : You know, I've got half a mind...

  Max : No argument there!

• Grace 'Gracie' Sheffield : Look Fran, giant Barbie Dolls.

  Fran : No Honey, these toys are for boys.

• Max : If I found a woman who loved my children, could make me laugh and that I found attractive, well, I'd never let her go.

  [puts his arm around Fran's shoulders and gets his watch caught on her] 

  Fran : Oh, we're stuck on each other.

• Sylvia Fine : I'm having palpitations! QUICK! GET ME MY MEDICINE!

  Fran : [running to the fridge and returning with chocolate syrup] 

• Max : [Brighton has asked to go to Atlantic City, and has pitted Max and Fran against each other by saying that Max doesn't respect her opinion]  I am his father!

  Fran : Well, what am I?

  Max : You're the nanny!

  Fran : [gasps]  You called me the "N" word! Did you head that, Niles?

  Niles : Do you get the house in the settlement?

  Fran : Uh-huh!

  Niles : [pops his head out from behind a wall]  Every word!

• C.C. : I could kill you... I could throw you down and rip out your heart!

  Fran : [to Maxwell]  She doesn't have a key to the house, does she?

• Niles : I once walked in on the Queen-mother.

  Fran : In the shower?

  Niles : On the throne.

• Brighton Sheffield : Yeah, it just so happens that your voice carries.

  Fran : To your bedroom?

  Brighton Sheffield : To Michigan.

• Sylvia Fine : Major Nelson and Jeannie tied the knot.

  Fran : If she had any commitment to that relationship, she would have given up her apartment.

  Sylvia Fine : It was a bottle, they kept it on the mantle!

• [after accidentally baby-napping a child] 

  Fran : I wonder if I'll ever really be a mother?

  Max : Well, there's always the subway.

  Fran : No way. Forget it. The next time I bring home a baby it's gonna be after nine months of swollen ankles and an epidural that could bring down Secretariat.

• [Fran and C.C. are trapped in the Sheffield's wine cellar and C.C. is forced to have Fran do her hair and nails] 

  Fran : [doing a harassed-looking C.C.'s nails]  Mint Chocolate Chip, Jamocha Almond Fudge, Pralines and Cream... That's it. That's 30.

  [Gasp] 

  Fran : Oh my God, they lied! 30's a lot. Was 31 so catchy? Wait a minute. I forgot the Sherbert. All right. I'll start again. Vanilla...

  C.C. : STOP IT!

• Max : Well, I've made up my mind. I can't risk Margaret spending her entire vacation kissing that boy... I'm sending her abroad.

  Fran : A broad? Well, if you wanna swing her that way...

• Max : You are going to *rectify* this situation!

  Fran : Wow, that sounds painful...

• Fran : [referring to C.C]  So, Niles... did you let "it" out?

  Niles : Yes, and the villagers were not happy.

• Fran : [looking for something in her purse]  What's this? Oh, it's my shrink's bill... *boy* am I unhappy!

• Sylvia Fine : Are you looking for something?

  Fran : Yes!

  Sylvia Fine : If she's three foot two and not a Jew, she's in there.

  [points to bathroom] 

• Fran : [about Max]  What are you listening to him for? He passed on Cats!

  Max : It was about a bunch of pussy cats singing in a garbage can. What would you do?

  Fran : Two words, Mr. Sheffield: still running.

• Fran : Niles, do I sound like I have a cold?

  Niles : Constantly!

• Fran : [about Max's childhood nanny, who is visiting]  Meanwhile, she's scaring Gracie to death with those stories about that fat bear who can't even get through the door every time he has a decent meal.

  Max : Are you talking about Winnie The Pooh?

  Fran : Yeah, him. And who in his right mind would call a boy Winnie, let alone The Pooh?

  Max : Most children love those stories!

  Fran : Far be it for me to poo-poo the Pooh.

• Fran : You shouldn't leave the house with things unresolved. That's why men die young.

  Max : That's not why. Because they want to.

• Fran : What's that?

  Niles : It's a script for Mr. Sheffield.

  Fran : You didn't write another Seinfeld episode did you? Sweetie... it's over.

• Fran : And remember always follow your heart.

  Maggie : Well, my heart says I should go back to Sean.

  Fran : That's not your heart talking.

• Fran : Honey, as long as *I* am living under *your* roof you will do as I say.

• Brighton Sheffield : Oh, so you're pretending to be an actor?

  Fran : No, you're thinking of Steven Seagal.

• Fran : ["analyzing" Corbin Bernsen, the former star of L.A. Law]  Well... I can tell you're not a lawyer...

  Glen Mitchell : Why can't I be a lawyer?

  Fran : Well, not in New York... maybe L.A.

• Fran : I'll fight for all those small, defenseless creatures out there.

  Niles : [points at C.C]  Exhibit B.

• [the family is opening wedding presents] 

  Fran : Box from Tiffany's...

  Fran , Sylvia Fine : [in unison]  THEIR side.

  [Fran opens the box and pulls out a blender] 

  Fran : Blender from Costco...

  Fran , Sylvia Fine : [in unison]  *OUR* side.

• Max : [to Fran, who has her hair straight instead of teased out]  You know, you're looking quite lovely this evening.

  Fran : You mean with the hair?

  Max : Oh, I like it. You can actually see over your head.

• Fran : Oh my God. You're taking back the thing?

• Fran : We begged my mother for a Christmas tree, she called it a Chanukah Bush. P.S., the candles from the Menorah set the flocking on fire, and the fumes put my father into the emergency room.

• Fran : You're pretty cocky for a tall, handsome, rich charming guy.

• [after uncrossing her legs while being interrogated a la Sharon Stone in "Basic Instinct"] 

  Fran : Ah-hah, forget it. You got a better chance of seeing Tonya Harding on a box of Wheaties.